Finding Your Purpose Can Save Your Life

Want to live a longer, healthier life? A sense of purpose may be all you need.

BY TAYLOR LUPO

It can be easy to get caught up in the motions of your daily activities. You get up, get dressed and head to work each day. Or maybe your morning consists of making your kids breakfast before shuffling them off to school. But why do you do these things? The answers may seem obvious, but it’s possible your sense of purpose, or the reason you wake up in the morning, stretches beyond these monotonous tasks.

According to Blue Zones’ Power 9 principles, knowing your sense of purpose can add up to seven years to your life. One 14-year study found that people with a greater sense of purpose had lower mortality rates, regardless of factors like race, age and employment status. The same study suggests a sense of purpose is linked to longevity in all people, young and old, so realizing your purpose early in life can be important. Another study of older adults, which considers a sense of purpose to be a component of well-being, also suggests purpose is a factor in increased survival.

If you’re looking to live a longer, healthier life, start by taking the RealAge Test, which measures the age of your body—based on family history and lifestyle factors. If your RealAge is lower than your biological age, you’re on the right track. If it’s higher, there are ways to get healthy again. Get personalized recommendations for lowering your RealAge, which might include eating more legumes and adding more movement to your day.     

In addition to adding years to your life, knowing your sense of purpose is beneficial in other aspects of life, as well.       

Other benefits of purpose 

• Cope with illness and diagnosis: Receiving a diagnosis can be scary, but rediscovering your purpose may help you (and your loved ones) work through this feeling. The physical aspects of healing are typically given the highest priority, but mental and spiritual health are important, too. “Awareness of purpose” is one way to describe spirituality, which can help relieve symptoms of depression.  
• Improve heart health: Risk factors for heart disease include obesity, high cholesterol and high blood pressure, but could this list also include a lack of purpose in life? One study suggests men who have a strong sense of purpose are at less of a risk of heart disease-related death than those who don’t. A review analyzing 10 studies suggests a high sense of life purpose reduced participants’ risk of cardiovascular events.    
• Strengthen your brain: A sense of purpose may protect your brain from disease. One study of more than 900 older adults suggested people with a low sense of purpose were more than twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s disease as those with a strong sense of purpose, over a seven year period. The same study suggests a slower rate of cognitive decline and a lower risk of mild cognitive impairment for those with a strong sense of purpose.  

Knowing your purpose, and what makes you most happy and fulfilled in life, allows you to surround yourself with communities that most empower this purpose.

Find your purpose

• Think honestly about what you love to do
• Decide what skills or activity you’re best at
• Determine what you want your legacy to be
• Meditation and reflection may help determine purpose
• Set a specific goal to accomplish
• Remember that your purpose can change

Finding your purpose is often the easy part—acting on this purpose can be much more difficult. A daily verbal or written reminder—like a mantra—may help propel you to fulfill your sense of purpose.

Experience

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Oscar Wilde

Oscar was being a little naughty with this statement. But then again, naughtiness came easily to Oscar! We do learn from our mistakes. Often in my recovery meetings I share my story and tell some of the mistakes and mishaps in my life, and that usually there is a learning curve associated with these incidents. In the shadow of my life I discover the light! Also my experience is fed by the stories and incidents that other people share. That's why I love to read. On a daily basis I enrich my experiences by allowing myself to be teachable. You really can teach an old dog new tricks.

Today I gain experience from my mistakes.

On this day of your life

I believe God wants you to know...

...that it is well to think well. It is divine to act well.

Horace Mann said that, and he was right. Thinking is

just the first step in creation. You've had some

wonderful ideas lately about changes you want to make

in your life. Now it's time to put those thoughts into a

action, yes?

Letting Yourself Be Seen (OM)

BY MADISYN TAYLOR
A powerful healing tool can be allowing yourself to be witnessed by your friends, sharing your pain to a listening audience. 

When we allow ourselves to be witnessed by another, we cannot help but be transformed by the experience. Whether we are sharing a personal experience, standing in front of friends to celebrate a special occasion, or expressing our unbridled joy or sorrow in front of a loved one, we are allowing ourselves to be seen and experienced in a very intimate way. Not only are we baring ourselves to someone else, but we are allowing that person to hold a very specific kind of space with us so this powerful act can take place. To be witnessed is to let ourselves be seen as we truly are in that moment. 

Our friends and loved ones can easily be witnesses for us, if only we are brave enough to let them. Your next birthday may be the perfect occasion to experience this sacred act: Invite your friends and loved ones to your special day. During the celebration, stand in front of them and thank them for being there for you. Feel their gratitude, attention, warmth, and support, while noticing the sense of safety you feel as they surround you. If you feel inspired, share your innermost thoughts about the day and your life. You may be surprised at the feelings of peace and validation that arise within you, when you feel safe enough to go deep into your soul and share yourself with those you trust.

Anyone who has ever seen love, admiration, acceptance, or appreciation reflected in a friend or loved one's eyes knows how transformative that experience can be. When you bare yourself to another, you are giving them the gift of you and showing them that they also matter. In letting yourself be witnessed, you are letting others into your intimate space, stepping in the sacred container they have created for you, and creating a cauldron of positive affirmation, support, love, and goodwill that will stay with you forever. 

How to Be Authentic: 4 Things I Wish I’d Known as a Teenager.

Via Emma Toms

I recently took some portraits of my teenage nieces for my sister’s birthday.

I had asked them to look as natural as they could. I wanted to take them outside to capture them in a natural light. They moaned and groaned, but as they relaxed and forgot I was there, they became their beautiful authentic selves in front of the camera.

As I edited the shots, I was struck by their innocence and beauty. I saw how untouched they were by the demands of life and not fearful for the future—just filled with hope, laughter and fun.

I have always been close to them and used to babysit them as toddlers until they went to school. I felt privileged to have had a part in their growing up, and an influence, to some extent, on their young lives.

I know they need to explore and do their own thing, but there is always that need to give them some guidance that nobody else can give. Some pearls of wisdom that if only you would have heard earlier, you might not have wasted so much time being someone you were not.

I thought about the advice I could give them about life. The kind of advice I would have liked to hear when I was their age—whether I took it or not.

These are the things I wish I had known:

1) Keep laughing—no matter what.

Never lose your sense of humour—it will keep you going in the toughest of times.“Laughter is the best medicine” is advice I wish I had taken. I always took myself too seriously and worried about everything. It was such waste of time. Always retain the ability to laugh at yourself—it just makes life that a bit easier to take!

2) Always tell yourself you are beautiful.

Look in the mirror and just say it, “I am beautiful.” You are perfect just as you are at this moment and always will be. Believe it to your very soul and you’ll always feel amazing. You don’t have to look like anybody else or be like anybody else—just be you. Embrace those imperfections, the ones that make you who you are. Don’t ever let anyone tell you are not beautiful—those people are not worth it. Don’t let them spoil your joy. Ever.

3) Pick a good bloke.

Always go for a nice bloke. You have to be attracted to him, obviously, but if there is a choice, pick the one that’s good to talk to—not the cool guy. Choose the one who will nurture you, who wants you to be independent and successful in your own right and loves you for it. A guy who thinks you are gorgeous but also respects your views. Make sure he can speak to your mind as well as all the rest. He will be a friend and companion for life.

4) Don’t try to fit in.

Just don’t. It doesn’t work. I know it feels like you should try to fit in at the moment, but choose a different path. Be yourself—be kind but always be you. Never be afraid to let go and move on either, people come and go—that’s just life. It’s important to remember to flow with it all and to be true to your beliefs. If you feel something is wrong or right deep down, act accordingly. You should always be the most important person to yourself.

I know some of this may seem simple, but I wish somebody had taken me to one side at a younger, more tender age and cared enough to give me some words of wisdom.

I worried all the time as I was growing up about who I was, where I fit and how it was all going to pan out. It took a long time for me to realise some of this stuff and if any of it goes in, I will feel grateful, like I’ve done my job as a caring aunt.

Summed up: always look after you, be kind, keep laughing and be loved by somebody sweet. Simple.

Oh, and always, always look after your aunt!

~

Author: Emma Toms

The Power of Setting Family Intentions.

Via Kathy Walsh

Families who practice mindfulness understand the importance of intention. But intention is more than just the commitment to practicing mindfulness and gratitude.

Intention helps families grow, helps children discover more about the world, and most of all, helps us all choose positivity and peace.

Defining the intention of your family can help your children and your significant other in so many ways. This year, seek to define what your family intends to do and stands for.

Check out these examples of family intentions and how it had a great effect on the children.

1. Surfing through life.

I had a friend that wanted her children to grow up loving the ocean, surfing, and enjoying aquatic life. So, her family’s intention was to spend as much time at the beach and on the water as possible.

They moved the family all over the world and experienced as much as possible. As a result, the children grew up respecting the environment, learning the importance of catching a great wave, and simply loving the outdoors.

My friend told her family, “In this family, we love the ocean”—and they did.

2. Appreciating all living things.

One of my friends (who happened to babysit my kids) was recently at the New York VegFest with me and my other friends. Her little son was lying on one of the yoga mats when all of a sudden a cockroach crawled onto the mat. Normally, kids would try to squash the bug or flick it off the mat while screeching “Ew!” Not this little guy. He laid down next to the bug, looked at me, and said, “I love him!”

Why would a young child say this about a pesky bug? Because his parents raised him with the intention to appreciation and love all living things, including cockroaches. She told her family, “In this family, we love all animals, plants, and living things”. As such, her children love and respect animals and will carry these values throughout life.

3. Let children choose their own intention.

While you can set an intention for your family, you need to provide your children the freedom to choose their own path in life.

While you can ask them what they want for their life, don’t force them to make a decision.

For instance, my daughter told me she wanted to be a dancer. Her intention was to use her creative talents to be a professional dancer when she grew up. I told her I thought this was a wonderful intention and did everything I could to support her, guide her, and help her accomplish her dream.

I’m happy to say that she is a talented dancer today!

When defining your family’s intention, think deeply about what you want your family to stand for, appreciate, and value. An intention doesn’t have to be this extravagant statement. In fact, make it as fun and exciting as you want!

So long as you can fully stand behind your intention, you’re on the right track. Check out these examples of family intentions:

In this family, we jump on the beds!

In this family, we read, read, and read.

In this family, we play outside every day.

In this family, we say “I love you!”

In this family, we laugh as much as possible.

In this family, we see the positive in every situation.

Whatever intention your family chooses to set, now is the perfect time to do so.

So, what’s your family’s intention?

~

Author: Kathy Walsh

I’ve Taught Yoga for 18 Years & Here’s what I wish People Understood.

Via Natalie Forrest

Yoga is not a class.

It has nothing to do with stretching, it can’t be taught, and it’s not about going after “connection.”

This is not about how horrible yoga classes are; there are valuable things about classes, and you can read about them at the end of this article.

We each start the practice of yoga for different reasons. I came to the practice of yoga because I was seeking…something.

I had just finished my college diploma and I didn’t know what I wanted. I did know, however, that I didn’t want to do what I had studied, to work in a nine to five job, or to live in front of a computer.

I knew what I didn’t want, not what I wanted. I was lost, deeply unhappy, an emotional wreck; whilst my friends were out exploring, drinking and having fun, I felt like I was having a midlife crisis at 19.

Eventually, I did figure out what I wanted. I wanted to feel free and spacious.

Through the practices of awareness, contemplation, breathing, and meditation techniques I was able to finally feel what was me and what wasn’t. I was no longer tethered to (as many) stories I had unconsciously accepted, or thoughts that weren’t mine, or emotions that arose.

I came to a place of relative equanimity. Not that it’s all unicorns and rainbows—occasionally the surface is rough. For the most part, though, feelings of peacefulness reside underneath that surface. Even more importantly, I know what to do when I don’t feel peaceful; I have the skills to navigate my inner seas.

So, it actually breaks my heart that yoga has become synonymous with stretching and asana (often translated as posture, but that’s not entirely correct, which is another article) because this beautiful, deep practice that helped me “save” my life, is a practice of humility, grit, contemplation, space, and breath.

When I first started yoga, I took class after class (trainings included), did pose after pose, and eventually taught class after class. I came to realize that the postures are not inherently yoga, but merely a tool. I began to understand that confusing the posture for yoga is like confusing a hammer for the house. As a side note, that’s an interesting story to have to unravel as a teacher when most classes are asana-centric and students expect the class to be about stretching.

I turned my practice (not my body!) on its head and went in search of how to build presence and awareness, and settle things within myself instead of lengthening my hamstrings for a better downward dog…because as one of my teachers said:

“Your knee cap isn’t an enlightenment button. There isn’t suddenly a rush of wisdom that comes over you when your nose touches your knee.” 

Ironically, when I took that sabbatical from the current yoga trainings, that’s when yoga started organically bubbling up within me. Most of the skills that were really effective in dissolving what was unsettled in me came not from the classes or teacher trainings but rather from various other places that I was able to sniff out over the years.

These skills, techniques, tools and ways of life vary from dyading (a process of meditating via deep contemplation and expression between two people), tantric elements (specifically, a chakra system that is connected directly with natural elements), and Applied Ecopsychology (a study of human health in relationship to nature). Each one of these helped fill in the holes that were missing from my original teacher trainings and were able to offer insight and tangible answers that I just couldn’t find in the way classes were being offered.

Here are five things I’d like to share about a yoga practice:

1. Practicing yogic techniques will bring more insight and awareness, which isn’t always pleasant. Yoga isn’t a path of rainbows and unicorns, it can be a bumpy path of gritty honesty, courage, and breath that is grounded in the everyday “magic” of life.

I use the word “magic” here because how does anyone ever truly know the whys or hows? There are many things that are simply unexplainable. I have come to appreciate that resting in this unknowing is a form of knowing. I use the word courage because yoga will change lives but not always for the easiest; once aware of something integral, a yogi/yogini will be unable to pretend it doesn’t exist. Luckily though, the breath can anchor us in the moment and not in the stories.

2. Yoga is often defined as, or said to mean, connection. I’d like to challenge this notion because connection is what arises organically in the awareness of the moment. There’s a difference between directly going after connection (making the practice about connection) versus practicing awareness and having the realization(s) arise without effort or agenda.

In going directly after the connection, the tendency is to try to skip over the anger, frustration, boredom, anxiety, unknowingness, and unwillingness, and go straight for the fuzzy warmth of connection. Each one of those things has wisdom and insight for us.

The techniques help us see what is stopping us from being present and they offer insight on how to settle, dissolve, accept, and/or transform that which is stopping us from being present. When we are present, connection is already there.

3. A “teacher” can assist in facilitating the knowledge of using the techniques and how and how to hold space for the experience of yoga, but they can never teach another the experience of the realization of yoga. The realization happens when it happens. Popcorn just pops when it’s ready. The practice of the techniques and the desire for change are the “heat”—there is a tendency for the realization to arise when there is stillness within.

“When we are quiet it speaks, when we speak it is quiet.” ~ Alan Watts

4. Everyone has different stories to unravel and insights to glean before resting in the experience of oneness.

There are many realizations along the way. We often refer to these as the side effects of yoga and many people will holler from the roof tops that this (insert side effect) is what yoga is. Some will shout that yoga is about loving yourself or that it is about connecting with the divine. These are great insights and they may be true for that individual but that is not the intent of the practice—just as it is not about stretching or balance—though those things arise and may be useful.

Some practitioners have to set down their desire for divine connection to be more present in the moment, and others may need to feel something more than self love for yoga to arise. There are as many unique paths to yoga as there are practitioners.

Since each of us has different things that need to settle so the insights can arise, what is the practice really about?

In everything I have read, experienced, and understood, yoga is pure awareness (or as close as we can get to it). In those moments of awareness, realizations occur. Although we may never reach every moment in pure awareness, we rest in it as best we can, when we can, and how we can.

5. Yoga has a vast selection of techniques and tools to help settle or dissolve those things within us that stop us from being present and aware.

Whether it’s a pose, breath, ecstatic dancing, stillness, meditation, watching thoughts, studying, or contemplation—whatever helps us become more aware and present to reality is arguably a yogic technique. The techniques we need vary from person to person, day to day, and throughout the cycle of a lifetime; that’s why there are so many styles and techniques.

Yoga is not a stretching class, but rather a way to garner insight and awareness, to increase our ability to be present with what’s real and be in the moment.

A posture or series of postures can often help to settle frenetic mental energy so that one can sit in awareness more fully, just as a restorative practice can revitalize stagnant energy. In this way the postures can help settle us to be ready to see what’s there.

After some practice, the yogic techniques yoke (joins us, or hitches our awareness) to the realization of oneness (yoga).

Things classes are great for:

>> learning the skills/techniques that help make one aware of the disturbances, stories, shoulds, and veils that are in the way of being even more present to the moment
>> people whose homes are overly vivacious who need a place of calm
>> poses, which are great tools for learning about ourselves
>> the community in a classroom,
>> having other people choosing the same thing can increase confidence about your choices
>> learning new ways of using or insights into the tools
>> momentum if one needs help with discipline
>> Inspiration

~
Author: Natalie Forrest 

The Quote

Greet The Day

IT'S NOT ALWAYS A WALK IN THE PARK, BUT IT'S NEVER DULL.

I went to the other extreme in early sobriety, always having to make the day be a certain way. And then I figured out that being open and curious and spontaneous was a pretty fun way to go through life.

We don't always have to work so hard to shape and direct the day. Instead, greet the day with curiosity, fully open to what it might bring. My life in addiction was very routine: get up, get high, try to make it through the day without anyone getting in my way, black out, pass out, wake up, do it again. What passed for fun were the people, places, and things I set up to support that routine. It was a chore: a sometimes boring, but mostly frightening chore.

On this day of your life

I believe God wants you to know...

...that it may seem that you cannot control exterior

circumstances, but you can always control interior ones.

Your internal world -- the reality that you encounter

within your mind and emotions -- is a world that you

and only you control and create.

How you experience everything is up to you. Your

reactions need not be automatic or similar to ones you

have had before.

Bo: The Power of Laughter (KB)

Laughter heals. For that which we can laugh at, can no longer hurt us. 

Actress and author Carrie Fisher, who recently passed away, may God rest her soul, once said: “If my life wasn’t funny, it would just be true – and that is completely unacceptable.” This coming from a woman whose father left her at 2 years old. A woman who suffered from a lifetime of drug addiction, was diagnosed as bi-polar, and once was committed to a mental institution where she did not sleep for six days straight. Regardless of the slings and arrows life threw at Miss Fisher, there was one thing she never lost: Her sense of humor about herself. She was a wildly funny writer and comedienne, with a wit that rivaled the likes of Dorothy Parker and Oscar Wilde. She found ways of turning her maladies into comedies, poking fun at herself and her life, in everything from a series of books to a one-woman stand up show on Broadway. For Carrie Fisher, the funny perspective was the only one worth having.
I mention this because this week’s portion is one that I believe urges us not to take ourselves too seriously – a tall order, even for the most spiritual among us. The story of Bo contains the three final plagues that Pharaoh endured because he would not set the Israelites free. The literal translation is one that has been a subject of debate among Biblical scholars for centuries, as it infers the Creator was playing a joke with Pharaoh. … A joke? A joke in which the likes of locusts, frogs, insects, and hail wreaked havoc upon an entire nation of people? How could such disasters be referred to as a joke? Thankfully, the Zohar sheds some light on the matter, revealing that Pharaoh is a code word for our Ego, the Desire to Receive for the Self Alone. The Creator “playing a joke” with Pharaoh is an indication for us, that we are not to take our ego too seriously.

Ego shows up in different ways. Sometimes our ego tells us we are the best person in the world, and sometimes it tells us we are the worst. Either way, it’s two sides of the same coin; for in both cases, we believe what the voice is telling us is true. Ego keeps us stuck in self-consumption, thinking we are always right. Anger, sadness, frustration, boastfulness, pride, and guilt are all varying shades of the same color: Being too deeply involved in ourselves. It is in these moments when those ego-fueled emotions come rushing in that laughter can save us most. Laughter can release the ego’s grip on our thoughts, making space for us to see beyond the limited view we think is the truth. Laugher can lift us from a bout of sadness reminding us how funny and beautiful life can be. Laughter can save us from our ego. It can save us from ourselves. 

Let’s make a pact to let nothing steal our sense of humor over the next seven days. When we make mistakes, instead of getting all bogged down or worked up, let’s try laughing at ourselves. It’s only a mistake, and that’s why God put erasers on pencils – because we were bound to make them! When we find ourselves annoyed by something or someone, if we can just take a moment to realize how small the situation is or how silly we are being, the scenario may evolve from frustrating to funny.

The ability to laugh at herself might not have cured Carrie Fisher of bi-polar disorder, but what it did do was give her a way to bring joy to the lives of so many people. Both Carrie and her mother, Debbie Reynolds, had their respective struggles, and yet they used their pain as foundation to leave something positive in the world.
This week, when the sun shines on our day we will laugh, and when darkness falls we will laugh louder. May this laughter help us create something for the world that makes it just a little brighter because we are in it.

This week, let laughter be your true North.
Wishing you a blessed week,
Karen

Make Change Work for You (OM)

BY MADISYN TAYLOR
When we experience change in our life we can control our response and reaction to the changes that are happening.

Transformation is a universal constant that affects our lives from the moment we are born until we leave earthly existence behind. At the root of all growth, we find change. Occasionally, change and the circumstances leading up to it are a source of extraordinary joy, but more often than not they provoke feelings of discomfort, fear, or pain. Though many changes are unavoidable, we should not believe that we are subject to the whims of an unpredictable universe. It is our response to those circumstances that will dictate the nature of our experiences. At the heart of every transformation, no matter how chaotic, there is substance. When we no longer resist change and instead regard it as an opportunity to grow, we find that we are far from helpless in the face of it. 

Our role as masters of our own destinies is cemented when we choose to make change work in our favor. Yet before we can truly internalize this power, we must accept that we cannot hide from the changes taking place all around us. Existence as we know it will come to an end at one or more points in our lives, making way for some new and perhaps unexpected mode of being. This transformation will take place whether or not we want it to, and so it is up to us to decide whether we will open our eyes to the blessings hidden amidst disorder or close ourselves off from opportunities hiding behind obstacles. 

To make change work for you, look constructively at your situation and ask yourself how you can benefit from the transformation that has taken place. As threatening as change can seem, it is often a sign that a new era of your life has begun. If you reevaluate your plans and goals in the days or weeks following a major change, you will discover that you can adapt your ambition to the circumstances before you and even capitalize on these changes. Optimism, enthusiasm, and flexibility will aid you greatly here, as there is nothing to be gained by dwelling on what might have been. Change can hurt in the short term but, if you are willing to embrace it proactively, its lasting impact will nearly always be physically, spiritually, and intellectually transformative. 

A Buddhist Approach to Getting over an Ex.

Via Elyane Youssef

I was going through a breakup during my Introduction to Buddhism course in India.

The teachings of the course played an essential role in helping me move on.

Although I didn’t deliberately enroll in the course to get over my ex, it indirectly helped me deal with the breakup.

In the Mind and Life dialogues, the Dalai Lama refers to Buddhism as “the science of the mind.”

I couldn’t agree more.

From my own experience, Buddhism helps me deal with day-to-day problems. The Buddhist teachings don’t directly discuss our intimate problems; however, the philosophy can be applied in every area of our lives.

The reason why I seek advice from Buddhism is the approach to tackling the problems our minds face.

Buddhists consider the mind as the original source of almost all of our emotional and physical problems. If we take a closer look at the teachings, we can see that they explore the roots of our suffering and investigate accessible solutions.

Breakups are one form of emotional suffering.

Frequently, we’re oblivious to the reasons that make us suffer and to the solutions that can put an end to our misery.

The good news is that Buddhists know why breakups are arduous. Because of this, they can help us getting over an ex-lover faster than we think.

Here are a few Buddhist thoughts on this matter:

Attachment

Buddhists believe that attachment is the cause of all of our suffering—and this is the main reason why I believe we suffer during breakups. Not only are we attached to our former partner, but to the relationship itself.

When we break up, the daily routine to which we grew accustomed has changed. In order to handle this sudden change, we must detach. The first step toward detachment is to realize the reality of attachment—we eradicate the bigger part of the problem when we shed light onto it.

To complete the detachment process, it’s advisable to remember how exactly the relationship made us unhappy. During breakups, our emotions are at their highest frequency, so we’re prone to focus on the happy bits and forget about the bad ones. Recalling reality as it was aids us in understanding what we deserve—and we all deserve happiness.

.

Forgiveness

Another major part of not moving on is the inability to forgive—I know it was a major problem during my breakup. I was over him, but I wasn’t over the memories. Consequently, I couldn’t move on due to my inability to forgive him.

The Buddhist advice on forgiveness boils down to understanding the other person’s (or our own) emotional state at the time of the damage. We need to understand that it’s how much our partner—or we ourselves—knew back then.

In other words, we must understand other people’s lack of knowledge and generate feelings of compassion toward them instead.

Also, I’ve realized that by not forgiving my partner, I was only hurting myself. The burden was too heavy to carry and eventually stopped me from enjoying a peaceful life. That said, I forgave him for myself.

.

Impermanence

Buddhists have good news in store for us: everything changes.

There is absolutely nothing in life that’s bound to stay the way it is.

When we reflect on this profound awareness, we’ll perceive breakups we go through differently. Instead of deeming ourselves unfortunate or miserable, we can see this break-up as life expressing itself—because life wouldn’t proceed without the cycle of birth and death.

Not only is this breakup bound to end, but our dismal emotions will too.

Impermanence also introduces change. Buddhists believe that in order for something new to emerge in our lives, we must create space for the old to die.

Things aren’t entirely within our control.

Here’s another piece of good news. We do have control over things but only to some extent—but we don’t fully control everything. After breakups, we tend to blame the other person or feel guilty. The truth is, it’s nobody’s fault.

Some things are just bound to happen, and there is nothing we can do about it. No matter how much we analyze and think about it, we can’t change the fact that this event or situation is destined to end.

Acceptance of endings is the only solution. We need to accept (and believe) that things fall into place without our insistence.

.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness means to thoroughly engage our minds in the present moment.

Buddhists trust that if we do everything with mindfulness, we’ll be capable of eradicating our suffering and thus, live happily and peacefully.

We suffer so much during breakups because we keep thinking about what could have happened in the past or what could happen in the future. Personally, I kept wondering if I’ll ever love again or if I and my former partner would come back together.

To solely focus on what’s happening with us and around us right now seems too difficult to practice during a breakup. Mindfulness is the only answer to reign in our mind from wandering to the past and future—which have no answer at all.

.

What true love is really about.

Buddhists define love as wishing the other person unconditional happiness. Sometimes, we have to let go of people we love when things don’t work out anymore. But, it doesn’t mean we can’t still wish them love or happiness.

It’s pretty awkward at the beginning to imagine the person we love with someone else or to wish them happiness after they inflicted pain on us, but later we’ll understand that we don’t have to be physically present with them to generate good intentions toward them.

Perhaps the essence of love is separation. Maybe, Rumi was right:

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere,
they’re in each other all along.”

~

Author: Elyane Youssef

How to Let Go of the Stories that Hold us Back.

Via Eric Klein

I’ve been cleaning out my bookshelves, getting rid of books I no longer have any interest in. And in the process, I’ve been building a little stack of books I want to re-read. Some of these cherished volumes I’ve read several times, but I still want to read them again. They’re deep, multi-layered texts that reveal more with each reading.

Then there are books I’m getting rid of.

I’m done with them and don’t have any interest in cracking their covers again. They’re stacked inside Trader Joe’s paper bags on their way to the Friends of the Library bookstore.

Letting go of books is one thing—letting go of “stories” is another.

By stories I mean all of our ideas, values, assumptions, and emotions that weave together to create our sense of self. When we look deeply at our sense of self, we see that it is just that—a tapestry of stories.

We’ve woven our identities with strands of personal history, and tied it all together with knots of memory. This sense of self is like a well-worn shawl. Familiar. Comforting. Until it isn’t.

When we see how the knots of memory limit us, the impulse toward freedom arises.

This is a huge revelation: we don’t have to be defined by the patterns of our past. We can untie the knots of memory and recreate our lives afresh. But we can’t do this with the fumbling fingers of our everyday minds.

It takes a meditative mind to untie the knots of memory.

The meditative mind does not identify with the patterns of personal history. The meditative mind is able, therefore, to enter into the knots of memory with loving kindness and wisdom.

As the meditative mind infuses the knots of memory with loving kindness and wisdom, they relax.

The meditative mind is able to witness and feel the untying process completely. We see directly how identifying with memories causes the knots-in-consciousness that constrict us. And this motivates us to go deeper. To allow the natural healing power of the meditative mind to untie the hidden knots in the heart, where the most primal doubts and fears reside.

As the knots loosen, our freedom increases.

An uncontrived sense of self blossoms. This self isn’t a story. It’s not woven of memory or personal history. It’s beyond words—but not beyond knowing.

Author: Eric Klein