Nobility

When a man has pity on all living creatures, then only is he noble. -Gautama Buddha

I saw a man on the freeway putting himself at risk to save a runaway dog. Occasionally, I see a lady in my local park feeding the ducks. When I'm at the airport I occasionally observe a blind person being helped by a guide dog. Love, concern, and trust are all aspects of Say Yes to Your Spirit. And none of this is complicated. The above stories that include animals are all everyday experiences. None of them are complicated theory. Rather they represent feelings. They are an emotional response to life. Nobility is demonstrating love as a response to the many happenings in our life. It is the love dance. - Leo Booth

Today I am able to appreciate the creatures who share our planet.

Recovery From Isolation

I've noticed that when I experience something in my life that sets me back a little, one of the first things I do is isolate from others. I start not returning phone calls or in some cases just not answering the phone. I cancel dinners, coffees, trips because I just don't feel like being around people. Some of that is good; it shows me that I'm learning to listen to myself and honor my needs. But with anything in recovery, there has to be a balance.

After I've had my brief time of collecting myself and grieving in some cases or getting back in balance, I have to ignore the feelings that would continue that isolation. This week I made myself go on a dinner date with a friend. It was a cold, rainy night and it was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to stay home and hibernate. I went anyway and after a few minutes of chatting, I could feel my spirits lifting. By the time we said goodbye, I felt light and happy - ready to join the world again.

So with me it is not a matter of thinking myself into acting differently; but acting my way into thinking differently.

Camilla P. (2005)

ELEVATING THE PHYSICAL (MB)

Topic: Kabbalistic Concepts | 2017

There is a collection of a few teachings from a great soul who lived, and was killed, during the Holocaust. There is not a teaching on every week's portion; therefore, I do not often get a chance to study from it. But Vayishlach is one portion in the collection, and I am excited to share the teaching with you.

Most of us know the story; Jacob, having lived many years with his father-in-law, Laban, receives a message from the Creator that it is time to go back to his parents' home. On his way, he finds out that his brother, Esau, is coming to do him harm and to probably kill him and his family. And so, Vayishlach begins with the phrase that states Jacob "sent angels." It is not often we find this terminology – literally, the word "angel" - in the Torah. There is a discussion among the commentators whether he sent literal angels, or if angels here simply mean messengers or people that Jacob sent. Rashi, the great kabbalist and commentator, says that Jacob actually called angels from the Heavens to go see and speak to the soldiers of Esau who were coming to kill him.

We know that all of these stories are not historical stories, but rather secrets and understandings we need today. So, what is the secret here? This teaching says we can understand this verse and the secret of the concept of Jacob sending actual angels as it pertains to our own spiritual work. What is the Creator's ultimate, greatest desire for us? What is it that the Light of the Creator truly desires for us and from us? Some of us might think it is the spiritual work, the prayers, the connections… but, this teaching says no; the ultimate, the most important thing that the Creator desires for us is not the spiritual work which we see as the spiritual actions, the study, or the connections. Rather, it is to have the ability to elevate physicality.

The kabbalists often speak about this. The soul does not have to descend into the physical world to do the spiritual work and actions of spiritual connection that can occur in the Upper Worlds, whether it is to pray, study, or even to share. The main focus of our work should not be the spiritual actions which can be done in the Upper Worlds as well, but rather to elevate the physical; this is the benefit of sending down the soul into the physical body, into the physical world.

So, first, he makes a very important statement for all of us to understand: the core of our work needs to not simply be the spiritual work as we see it in connections, study, prayer, or even actions of sharing, but rather, in the focus of elevating the physical. How do we do that? By injecting the Light of the Creator into all the physicality of this world.

To give an example, when a person is eating, the question is, why is he eating? If he eats because he simply wants to enjoy the physicality of eating, that is one type of consciousness. The other type of consciousness is, "I am eating this, or I am drinking this, or I am enjoying this, of the physical world, so that I can have a greater capacity and ability to connect to the Light of the Creator." When a person lives his life in this way, which means that in everything physical he partakes of, he understands and injects the consciousness that the reason he is enjoying this food, drink, or physical space he is in, is because he asked that all of it give him a greater ability of strength and happiness to be able to connect to the Light of the Creator, then that is the ultimate purpose of his spiritual work.

This understanding that the purpose of spiritual work is not actually the spiritual, but rather it is about the ability to inject all of physicality with the Light of the Creator, may be a shift for some of us. That is why we are in this world, because otherwise - and it is important to understand this - there would be no purpose to be here, because spiritual work can be done in the spiritual world. The purpose of being sent down into this world is so that we can inject the Light of the Creator into the physical. We do that through consciousness. We do that through consciously using and receiving the physical.

And he brings a teaching from the student of the Ba'al Shem Tov, the Maggid of Mezeritch. Every once in a while in the Zohar, there is a section that is poetic, but very difficult to understand. One of those sections is in the beginning of the Zohar, in Mishpatim, in section 15. There is a passage called Saba de Mishpatim, in which an old sage reveals the secrets of reincarnation. He talks about the work of this world, and ends with the phrase that says our work is to clothe the Shechinah, or what we call our mother, our protector, with beautiful things that “do not exist" or "do not have existence." That is the purpose of our work, the Saba de Mishpatim, the old sage reveals: to clothe, awaken, and prepare the beautiful things that do not have existence.

So, the Maggid of Mezeritch explains the secret of that section in the Zohar by telling us spiritual work has an existence, Light, and an essence; the Zohar has an essence whether we touch it or not. Prayers have an existence and have Light, whether we say them or not. Even actions of sharing, because they are connected to the Light of the Creator, have an existence separate from what we do with them.

But what does not have Light, or spiritual existence, without our injection is all that is of the physical world. Therefore, the purpose of our spiritual work in this world is not the spiritual actions, but through that consciousness, injecting the Light of the Creator into the physical of this world. So, when we understand that, we understand again a shift in the way we focus our day. We cannot think it is enough that we studied, connected, prayed, meditated, or even did actions of sharing; the question we have to ask ourselves is, "How much physicality did I elevate today? How much physicality did I invest and inject with the Light of the Creator?" How much, as the Saba de Mishpatim, the old sage, says are we taking physical things that did not have a great investment of the Light of the Creator in them and invested, through our consciousness, a great Light of the Creator in them and elevated them? That should be the real focus of our spiritual work.

When we do this, a beautiful thing happens. A person who is focused on this work, who most of the time when he is eating, drinking, or partaking of this physical world, is elevating the physical, through his consciousness to a connection with the Light of the Creator, elevates to the level of a righteous person.

People often make the mistake of thinking that being a spiritual person and being connected to the Creator comes through doing the spiritual work, but as we have just learned, that is not the point, because to do the spiritual work we do not have to be in this physical world. We can do all of the spiritual work in the Upper Worlds. There is only one reason we are in this physical world, and the ultimate purpose of our work is to elevate everything that is of this physical world – the food, the drink, the enjoyment, and so on. If we do that consistently and constantly, then eventually we elevate to the state of a righteous person.

And this is the secret of the phrase that begins the portion Vayishlach - “Jacob sent angels." Jacob lived his life with this understanding, consciousness, and focus; every time he ate, every time he drank, every time he enjoyed the physical, he had the consciousness of, "I am investing the Light of the Creator into this, and I want this enjoyment, this food, this physicality to give me the ability to connect even more strongly with the Light of the Creator." Therefore, he elevated those physical things into the level of what are called "angels," or spiritual entities, spiritual beings. Through this work, real angels, real spiritual energy, was invested and created into all of his physicality.

Jacob lived his life always investing the physical. We do not have to invest the spiritual with Light, because the spiritual has Light, the Zohar has Light, the prayers have Light, even actions of sharing have their essence and Light. What does not have Light and needs to be injected with the Light of the Creator in order to be given existence and be elevated is the physical. We need to take the physical and elevate it to a connection with the Light of the Creator, with the consciousness we’ve been talking about here. Mashiach, the end of pain, suffering, and death, will come not when more people are praying, studying, or even doing actions of sharing. It will happen when more and more people live with this consciousness and elevate the physical.

On this day of your life

I believe God wants you to know ... 

... that you should never be content with so little

when you can reach out for something big.

Charles L. Allen asked a question about that, wondering 

why so many people settle for so little. You do not 

have to place yourself among them. The world is an abundant place. 

Abundant with opportunity, abundant with good fortune, 

abundant with ideas, and abundant with love.

Reach into that abundance and take what is rightfully yours. 

It is your inheritance, gifted to you by God. Let yourself have it. 

Do not fail to reach for it for fear that it will not come to you. 

How can it come to you if you do not reach for it?

Do not be content with so little. 

Reach, stretch, for something big. 

Uniting in Thought and Action (OM)

BY MADISYN TAYLOR
When we are in circle with others, the energy stays contained within the group giving back to all. 

There are many reasons for why a gathering of people in a circle is powerful. A circle is a shape that is found repeatedly throughout the natural world, and it is a symbol of perfection. We recreate this perfect shape when we join others to form a circle. Being in a circle allows us experience each other as equals. Each person is the same distance apart from the next participant, and no one is seated higher than or stands apart from others in a circle. From tribal circles to the mythical round table of King Arthur, the circle has been the shape adopted by gatherings throughout history. 

The circle is acknowledged as an archetype of wholeness and integration, with the center of a circle universally understood to symbolize Spirit - the Source. When a group of people come together in a circle, they are united. This unity becomes even more powerful when each person reaches out to touch a neighbor and clasps hands. This physical connection unites thought and action, mind and body, and spirit and form in a circle. Because a circle has no beginning and no end, the agreement to connect in a circle allows energy to circulate from one person to the next, rather than being dissipated into the environment. 

Like a candle used to light another candle, the connection with spirit that results when one person joins hands with another is greater than if each person were to stand alone. People who take part in a circle find that their power increases exponentially while with the group. Like a drop of water rippling on the surface of a pond, the waves of energy produced in a circle radiate outward in circular motion. While one person may act like a single beacon that emanates light, a circle of people is like a satellite dish that sends out energy. There is power in numbers, and when the commitment is made by many to face one another, clasp hands, and focus on one intention, their circle emanates ripples of energy that can change the world. 

6 Common Pitfalls for New Meditators—& how to Leap over Them.

Via Richard Josephson

Probably as many people fall off the meditation bandwagon as stay on it.

As with all beginnings, a beginner’s meditation practice is often a rocky road. Trust me, I know. I started meditating over 50 years ago. In the 60s, meditation was the big new thing in the West. Sparked by Timothy Leary and LSD, the phenomenon of psychedelic experiences led many, including me, to wonder if they could attain similar states without drugs.

I remember how stupid I felt the first time I meditated. Our apartment was empty, and I just sat down beneath the doorway between my father’s room and the hallway. I shut my eyes, and had no idea what I was doing or even what I was supposed to do. I just sat quietly. As my mind raced around, I wondered, “What in the world am I doing here?”

I lasted five minutes.

The next day I thought to myself that my negative experience might just be the nature of meditation, and I wasn’t particularly keen to sit again. But, with the thought that if I tried repeatedly things might change, I decided to continue meditating five minutes a day for a few weeks, just to see what happened.

Reflecting now, I think I was right to have chosen such a short amount of time for my meditation period. For weeks, each session was unpleasant, but because it was also short, I was able to endure it and not become discouraged. Over the months and years, I found that I began to actually enjoy meditation, and increased the time I devoted to it.

After five years on my own, I joined a monastery and became a fully ordained monk for 10 years. My meditation periods had increased to an hour, and I sat many times a day. Eventually, I was placed in charge of the meditation hall.

I’ve learned a lot through my own experience and from beautiful teachers over the decades. My hope is to encourage those who, like me, have been discouraged by a rocky beginning to try again so they can discover for themselves the benefit of a regular meditation practice. My hope is to offer some tools to those who may just be considering the idea of meditation for the first time, so that may find success more readily in their endeavor of exploring the mind through meditation.

Here is some basic guidance that can help assure our seat belts stay fastened along the rocky road of a nascent practice.

Humble Beginnings. A common reason mediation novices struggle to maintain a practice is they set unrealistic goals at the start, fail to maintain them, become discouraged, and quit.

Instead of beginning with an hour a day, begin with 5-10 minutes—but be extremely disciplined about it. Have a fixed time, realistic amount of time (perhaps it will seem like not enough), and never miss a session. If you must, make it up later that day or evening.

Wait until you find yourself looking forward to your meditation period as you would a meal when you are famished. When this time comes, gradually increase your time period.

No Expectations. It’s also common for beginners to quit because they say, “Meditation wasn’t right for me, it just increased my thoughts and emotions.”

Meditation is hard work and stirs up many obstacles, latent negativity, and disturbing emotions. It’s like lifting the corner of a carpet and finding a pile of dirt under it. I highly doubt that many people, if any, feel great meditating right from the start.

When we correctly engage in meditation, it increases our awareness, bringing to light things about ourselves we may rather leave beneath the carpet. But it is in our best interest to them sweep out. Stay the course, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Know the Mechanics. When we first start meditating, we typically start to categorize things as either being part of the meditation or outside of it. For example, eating a peanut butter sandwich may stand juxtaposed to the mantra we are reciting or a prayer to our guru. We seek to suppress, ignore, or limit the “background noise,” perceiving it as a distraction.

However, growing deeper in the practice reveals that over time, the “background noise” becomes more distinct, not less. Our mantra recitation, for example, seems projected on a screen of thoughts, perhaps about what we will do when our meditation session is completed, an idea for a project we are working on, or a solution to a relationship problem. This background noise can actually balance out and equalize our meditation. We may feel in a state of equilibrium, aware very keenly of what the background noise is, but favoring, ever so slightly, our meditation.

What we must realize is that the so-called background noise is as essential to correct meditation as the mantra itself, or whatever object of meditation we choose. If we do not seek to banish it, block it, or focus on it, and instead choose to gently notice and accept it, the noise will not obstruct us in any way, and our meditation practice will actually prosper.

Soft Landing. Beginners often emerge from meditation and immediately dive back into their normal routine. Instead, emerge from the meditation with respect for the space you just created. Whenever we rise from a seated meditation session, we are more sensitive than we may realize. Take five minutes to walk around silently and observe what you notice in your environment, the thoughts that come to mind without your bidding, and the way your body feels.

Do not emerge from meditation and go off following the “background noise” mentioned above. If you must have that sandwich or make that call, first give yourself space to move about with no agenda. This is absolutely important, as it grounds your practice.

Be Informed. Meditation by itself can lead to wrong and dangerous viewpoints. Many masters have said, “Don’t trust your own mind.” Meditation practice is really one leg of a stool; the other two are study and reflection. If the three are not balanced out, our training will fail.

Find an excellent, non-new age dharma book and use it as a guide. His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, is exceptionally approachable in his writings on the mechanics of beginning a meditation practice, as are Dilgo Khyentse, Urgyen Tulku, Mingyur Rinpoche, and Sakyong Mipham.

Don’t Be Fickle. Don’t hop from one practice to the next because you are not getting anywhere. Once an authentic we pick an authentic method, we need to stick with it. Meditation is self-correcting, and if you are a little off, don’t fret about it—you will naturally align if you continue to practice. Have faith in yourself and the method you choose, and don’t spend energy wondering if you are doing it “right.”

Additionally, don’t seek out the “highest” or “quickest” meditation method. There is none. What is perfect for one individual’s growth is not so much dependent on the type of meditation we engage in, as for how we approach it. It is up to you!

~

We meditate to become better, more compassionate people—but there are many ways to interpret what this means. This is what meditation explores. It helps us to discover new ways of looking at what it means to be happy, and that happiness can arise independent of external circumstances solely based on the pleasure of knowing our own mind.

Anyone can meditate, and everyone should meditate—so don’t hesitate to meditate!

Good luck to all who I share the path with. I hope we succeed in achieving our highest aspiration.

~

Relephant:

How to Meditate: FAQ for Beginners.

Beginning Meditation. {Poem}

~

~

Author: Richard Josephson
Image: @christiecreative/Instagram

A Romantic & a Realist Walk into a Bar.

Via Greg Bekkers

We know that you can’t build a relationship solely on passion.

Does that mean that it has to be one or the other? That there’s only long-term relationships with little passion or short-term relationships with nothing but?

There is a middle ground. We can have both.

That’s hard for our culture to understand sometimes, since so many of us want to simplify things. We want everything to be binary: right or wrong. Black or white. Passion or comfort.

Esther Perel encapsulates the problem in her book, Mating in Captivity:

“Romantics value intensity over stability. Realists value security over passion. But both are often disappointed, for few people can live happily at either extreme.”

Therein lies the issue—neither is happy. It always feels like you have to give up one for the other. Why can’t we have both?

There’s different ways to accomplish that, but one thing is for sure—it doesn’t come naturally.

Long-term relationships past five to seven years aren’t biologically natural, but that doesn’t mean they’re not possible. Long-term relationships can actually be one of the most fulfilling things in our lives.

Sustaining this kind of a relationship takes emotional intelligence from both sides. Something we rarely seek to improve.

When we start dating someone new, everything is passionate and it feels amazing. Love grabs us and we feel powerful. It feels like we’re on the best kind of drug. We then become more attached and start feeling like we have something to lose. We try to make it more secure because we’re uncomfortable with the uncertainty. We make commitments, call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and eventually get married. All of these things secure the relationship in our eyes.

The irony is that trying to control the risks associated with passion squanders its existence. Trying to control everything in order to create certainty fosters boredom. Spontaneity dies, and passion goes along with it.

Passion thrives on uncertainty, the unpredictable. That’s what passion is.

Think of the most passionate points in your life. They were likely times when things were far from certain—there was unpredictability.

That’s why breakup sex or makeup sex is so hot. It’s more passionate than it was during the relationship because the unpredictability is back, albeit briefly. That’s one of the reasons emotionally unhealthy couples make up and break up so much, it gives them back that passion they’ve been missing—that unpredictability that they crave.

How do we change this? How do we foster passion in a healthy way?

We don’t need “10 tips to create more passion” or anything like that. There are millions of posts that give us quick tips to “fix” our problems. Passion isn’t a quick fix. Most of these tips that we’ve been fed so many times are nothing more than band-aids.

Here are a few great tips that don’t involve the bedroom:

>> Try new activities together.
>> Go on vacations with just the two of you.
>> Give more space to each other.
>> Prioritize passion in your relationship.

I’m sure you can think some more typical ones we might see in a monthly subscription to “Cosmopolitan” or “Men’s Health.” These are often surface level and rarely dig deeper into the psychology and mindset changes that might be required of us.

We have to look at ourselves individually first. What mindsets do we need to shift?

Embrace Uncertainty.

As much as we like to think of ourselves as spontaneous, most of us value routine and comfort more than we care to admit.

Tony Robbins said it best:

“Passion in a relationship is commensurate with the amount of uncertainty you can tolerate.”

One thing is certain, zero uncertainty is bad for any relationship. Zero uncertainty = zero passion. The amount of uncertainty that you can handle will depend on you and your partner.

If your tolerance is high, there will be a lot of passion, but sometimes it will feel more uncomfortable because of the uncertainty. If your tolerance is lower, the amount of passion will be less, but you’ll feel more secure and comfortable. It’s give and take.

Be self-aware.

You need to figure out how high or low your tolerance for uncertainty is, as well as your partner’s. This is why self-awareness and emotional intelligence are crucial qualities to possess prior to entering into a relationship. If you don’t understand or can’t communicate on an emotional level with your partner, it will be very hard to stay in that ideal zone where there’s passion while you also feel secure in the relationship.

Realize that our partner is never “ours.”

If we can realize that this permanence we think we have is an illusion, then we can be more accepting of the uncertainty that we need for passion to thrive in our relationship.

Many times in a relationship we get comfortable because we think we “have” our partner. We put in all this effort while dating them, but once the chase is over, we become complacent. We hold the illusion that we don’t need to do anything anymore because our partner is “ours” now. If this is the way we think—is it really a shock that passion disappears?

It’s important to know that all these thoughts are just in our head. We never really “have” our partner. They could leave any day. There is no guarantee. And this is a good thing.

Realizing and living this way will ensure we don’t take what we have for granted. We have to choose our partner every day, just like they need to continue to choose us.

We can always learn more about our partner.

When I spoke to a few married couples that had been together 30+ years, they each said that they were still regularly surprised by their partner. This means we never completely know our partner.

Learning, loving, and appreciating our partner should happen every day.

Embracing masculine and feminine polarity.

The big X factor for passion is that each partner embraces their core masculine or feminine energy in the relationship. Partners are meant to be each other’s yin and yang—complementary. This means we have to embrace each other’s differences too. Get to know the places and ways in which your partner gains their energy.

Differences also exist in the way we communicate. Generally speaking, when a man hears a problem, he goes into fixer mode naturally. He wants to find a solution and move on. A woman on the other hand doesn’t always need a solution. More often she wants to feel empathy from her partner. She wants to feel the emotions.

It’s important that we don’t try to change each other to be more like ourselves, but that we appreciate and embrace the differences that exist. These differences are what attracted us to each other initially, so why would we try and change that?

The answer is, we shouldn’t.

It’s hard to find someone you want to be with for your entire life—and even harder to have it be a passionate, happy, and fulfilling long-term relationship. It’s not easy, but no one said that it should be.

Like most things in life that are hard, a passionate and loving relationship is worth it.

~

Author: Greg Bekkers
Image: Flickr/TGermeau

The Quote

Thanks and Giving (GZ)

Folklore depicts Thanks Gving as a happy gathering of grateful white settlers (immigrants) and friendly Native Americans who helped them survive the winter. These immigrants were not "Pilgrims" - that name was added to the narrative later. Not all were looking for religious freedom. Some came to make money. Even the famous Plymouth Rock was a creation of local folklore. Native Americans showed the immigrants where to fish and how to plant corn (they were kinder to immigrants than we are), but probably no turkeys were eaten and certainly no pies.

Today only about four hundred Native American tribes have survived the massive, ongoing, and brutal genocide unleashed by these immigrants and their descendants. All of them were forcibly relocated (think Japanese internment camps, but worse) onto lands least desirable to white people. The Lakota Pine Ridge reservation is the most impoverished county in the United States. Few who understand all of this are thankful for it.

Now that we are becoming multisensory, we can look anew at the sentimental fabrications, such as Thanks Giving (and the Commercial Christmas), that perpetuate the self-delusions that we share. We can consciously create in our own lives real experiences of kindness, caring, and support. We can recognize "immigrants" (including ourselves) as powerful and creative, compassionate and loving spirits temporarily incarnate in the Earth school. We can learn about ourselves from our experiences and use what we learn to change ourselves for the better. This is creating authentic power.

As our family gathered for Thanks Giving (cooking a turkey and baking pies), one of our granddaughters sat at a table in the kitchen drawing a poster for all of us. It read, "Let our lives be filled with THANKS and GIVING."

May you also choose to fill your life with THANKS and GIVING.

Love, 

 

Time

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. -Steven Wright

When we Say Yes to Your Spirit we acknowledge that there is a thing called time; it is the space that makes up our hours, days, weeks,months, and years.We are born into time. Spirituality teaches us to respect time. Take time. Relax. We can rush at life or we can seek balance. I believe that if we are always in a hurry, rushing, never smelling the roses, then we abuse time. The psalmist suggests, "Be still, and know that I am God." Take a breath. If we are to dance in God, then we need time to make the correct steps, gliding into creativity. Today we know that compulsion, obsession, addiction, and fanaticism are all unhealthy behaviors because they are frantic.We all need the gift of balance, if we are really to create anything in our lives. This is the dance.

Today I respect the quality of time.

On this day of your life

I believe God wants you to know ...

... that perfectionism is the enemy of creation.

John Updike said that, and he was right. He understood

that nothing stops the forward march of any creative

endeavor like the need to do it absolutely perfectly.

And who is to judge what is 'perfect' anyway? What I

have judged full of flaws so many others have called

terrific. Maybe the definition of Perfection is something

that actually gets done.

Entering into Partnership (OM)

by Madisyn Taylor In partnership and relationship we harness the power of union. The purpose of partnership is to create something greater than we can create alone. Not because of any deficiency or incompleteness in us, but because each of us is unique, with our own talents and abilities, and in partnership we increase the efforts and talents available for creating something meaningful together. All partnerships, whether romantic, creative, or professionally-based, can be powerful relationships for personal growth. In partnership we harness the power of union. It is important to choose our partnerships consciously. Sometimes forged quickly during times of need, we may find ourselves rushing into unions with perhaps not the clearest intentions. Partnerships created from those starting point might serve our immediate needs, but the repercussions of a union so quickly fostered without much thought can be difficult to recover from. Granted, there is something to learn from every relationship, but looking to another to fix or complete us can turn a partnership into a dependent bond. If we can stay clear about what we want and what we need in a partnership, while staying grounded and remembering that we are our own source of happiness and fulfillment, we can create partnerships that support and enhance the best of who we are. Everyone in our lives is a mirror reflecting back the parts we love and dislike about ourselves. If we have the courage to recognize our reflections in each other, we can grow through our partnerships. A partnership that offers both acceptance of who we are and an opportunity for personal transformation can be fertile ground for growing a healthy, lasting union. When we find this kind of partnership, we are more likely to want to keep it, invest in it, and nurture it. Life is a collaborative effort. Much of what we do can be enhanced through partnership. Together we are stronger because our personal power is multiplied by two. Through partnership we experience the joys of working, living, and loving together.

5 Buddhist Teachings to Help us Become Better (& not Bitter) after a Breakup.

Via Elyane Youssef

Harnessing wisdom in difficult times is challenging.

We focus so much on the ordeal itself that we fail to see the bigger picture. Especially when it comes to breakups, looking at the bright side of things is almost impossible.

Buddhism has always helped me see things in a different light. Through the teachings of the Buddha (which we can reflect on for any situation), I’ve dealt with breakups more mindfully. The teachings soothed my pain and gave me hope when I felt particularly hopeless.

Keeping these Buddhist notions in mind may help us move on sooner than expected:

Pain is a part of life. 

Buddhists acknowledge that suffering is a natural part of life. Expecting things to always be good sets us up for disappointment. However, recognizing that life is both good and bad, while staying aware that we can overcome the bad is freeing and hopeful. That said, breakups are natural—and, as the third Noble Truth of the Buddha’s teachings suggests, the cessation of pain is feasible. Oftentimes, we are the cause of our own difficulties, but we’re also the solution as well. Consequently, we can turn a breakup into the ultimate challenge for personal growth.

Mourn it, but don’t force it.

How do we react to a breakup? Do we force ourselves to feel better immediately? Do we ignore our negative emotions and try to force the good ones? Buddhist teachings acknowledge that we shouldn’t hide from or overlook the reality of our present moment. Brushing our emotions under the rug only causes them to manifest later in other situations. Letting our emotions be, without judging them, helps us move on faster. We can practice meditation to befriend our current present moment without judgment.

Holding on makes no sense.

Oftentimes, we hold on to a relationship even after things have already virtually ended. We get attached to our story and fail to let it go. The Buddha always suggested that by holding on to the past, we don’t solve anything—we only breed misery, mostly for ourselves. Holding on to anger, especially, hurts us. Letting go of the past is challenging, but we should accept that the past is only kept alive in our minds. The past is gone, and there’s nothing we can change about it. Practice letting go of any ideas that might be holding you back or keeping you trapped in the past. It’s your chance to learn to love without attachments, expectations, or physical presence.

Impermanence.

Buddhism acknowledges the law of nature which is impermanence. Things always change. If we watch nature at work, we’d understand this more clearly. Taking this notion to heart stops us from giving ourselves (or the other person) a hard time for ending the relationship. The Buddhist approach to life is that causes and conditions are often stronger than us. It’s not us or our ex—it’s simply what would have happened sooner or later, based on the momentum of cause and effect. Know that old things must die, so new things can grow. Don’t focus on what has passed. Instead, aspire to what is yet to come. Embrace change, and perceive the illusory nature of all the things around you.

Compassion.

Compassion is imperative for Buddhists. According to the Buddha, we’re not separate beings. Duality is an illusion of our own creation. This is why it’s important to develop compassion for others, since we’re all one. As Pema Chödrön says, ”In order to have compassion for others, we have to have compassion for ourselves.” Be gentle with yourself as you process the breakup, then be gentle with your ex-partner. Send them metta, and let it be.

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Relephant:

Post-split Problems: How to Cope with Loneliness after a Breakup.

Buddhism & Relationships: the Four Noble Truths of Love.

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Author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Instagram @walkthetalkshow