18 - The magic, spiritual number.
ONE - The ONENESS that is ALL. All there ever was; All there ever is; All there will ever BE!
(8) INFINITY - The ETERNAL PRESENT Moment. Eternity; Forever!
That which was never born; never dies!
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. -Albert Einstein
Why do I seek to be popular? I want to be loved. I want you to like me, and this desire to be liked often makes me hypocritical. In the last few years, as I've danced more and more in Spirit, I find that I'm moving closer to honesty. I still want you to like me, but I need to tell the truth. My truth is who I am.When I betray my truth and seek to appease the majority, I'm uncomfortable. Spirit is making me more real. Spirit is feeding integrity into my life. Spirit makes my life enjoyable.
I want to be popular, but not at the expense of truth.
We can all fall into a fog once in a while, but know it will soon lift and the sun will shine upon you again.
When we feel muddled and unfocused, unsure of which way to turn,
we say we are in a fog. Similar to when we are in a fog in nature, we may
feel like we can't see where we're going or where we've come from, and we're
afraid if we move too quickly we might run into something hidden in the mists
that seem to surround us. Being in a fog necessarily slows us down by
limiting our visibility. The best choice may be to pull over and wait for the
murkiness to clear. If we move at all, we must go slowly, feeling our way and
keeping our eyes open for shapes emerging from the haze, perhaps relying on
the taillights of someone in front of us as we make our way along the road.
By and large, most of us prefer to be able to see where we are going and move
steadfastly in that direction, but there are gifts that come from being in a
fog. Sometimes it takes an obstacle like fog to get us to stop and be still
in the moment, doing nothing. In this moment of involuntary inactivity, we
may look within and find that the source of our fogginess is inside us; it
could be some emotional issue that needs tending before we can safely go full
steam ahead. Being in a fog reminds us that when we cannot see outside
ourselves, we can always make progress by looking within. Then again, the fog
may simply be teaching us important lessons about how to continue moving
forward with extreme caution, harnessing our attention, watching closely for
new information, and being ready to stop on a dime.
We cannot predict when a fog will come, nor can we know for certain when it
will lift, but we can center ourselves in the haze and wait for guidance. We
may find it inside ourselves or in a pair of barely visible taillights just
ahead. Whether we follow the lights out of the fog, wait for a gentle breeze to
lift it, or allow the sun to burn it away, we can rest certain that one way
or another, we will move forward with clarity once again.
Identifying clear boundaries, implementing them and following through are all difficult skills.
And people who emotionally exhaust us are far more challenging to maintain boundaries around.
Of course, one person’s drama queen is another person’s best friend. The key is to choose to be around those with whom you thrive. What works for one type of person may not for others. Someone who may be “toxic” for one individual could be exactly the person someone else needs.
Boundaries are about discernment, not judgment. If you decide someone isn’t healthy for you to be around, here’s what you can do:
1. If there is no reason to associate with them, don’t.
Ask yourself, when will you die?
An intense question demanding inquiry, it faces the fact of how much time each person has left. No one really knows how much time. An accident can reap the healthy at any moment. Time and chance happen to us all.
Then ask yourself, will you have used your time wisely? Is your heart content? Does this person contribute to or denigrate your wellbeing? If their presence is stressful, how much time is worth directing in understanding them, in putting out fires, in making the relationship work?
Is this person more worthy of your time and life than your family, tribe and loved ones who show up every day and have shown their loyalty, faith and support?
If not, cut your ties and your losses.
2. If you must associate with a difficult person, limit the exposure.
Family, work, school and social groups put people together who would otherwise never associate. Once a person from whom you cannot separate yourself has been identified as harmful, find ways to remain secure within regardless of their presence.
Remain private.
If physical distance is not achievable, emotional distance is. Simply don’t share. Be polite and respectful. Listen. Head nod. Don’t give advice. Be gracious, humorous and professional.
When some difficult people have lots of information about you, their knowledge becomes a weapon in their arsenal or a low-grade drain on your conversations and self-esteem. Remain free of the negativity by not sharing your own stories or advice. Simply do not engage energetically.
People are responsible for themselves. Allowing difficult people to be who they are, in their own space, is trusting them to figure it out on their own.
In this person’s life, there are endeavors to complete, community to serve and family to love. Allow them the space to live their life as they see fit—from a safe distance.
They’ll be taken care of, in their own way, according to what they are choosing and asking for. You don’t need to take on the burden of “saving them”. Indeed, this could be bad for both of you.
~
Boundaries have everything to do with the choices we make every day to nourish a healthy home, body, relationship and life.
Requiring no force, allowing people to be who they are and creating distance are the most elegant and effective of boundaries.
I’ve found that aging typically becomes a struggle when we try to control it, deny it, fight it, or rigidly define the process.
The truth is, to our egos, change is scary. It makes us feel that we’re not in control of our lives.
Though growing older presents us with poignant reminders of loss or “dis-ease,” the practice of radiant aging allows us to surrender to all the changes, growth, and miracles that come.
The following are the four types of aging—biological, emotional, energetic, and spiritual—that I discuss in my book The Power of Surrender, and how we can integrate them into our lives.
Biological Aging
Aging is not a disease. It is an organic evolution that we can honor and augment once we learn to tap into our vital energies and surrender our fears.
How we age is more in our control than we might think. Research has shown that poor health isn’t a necessary consequence of aging. If we practice healthy behaviors, take advantage of preventive services, and engage with family and friends, we are more likely to remain fit and have fewer medical issues. It’s essential to surrender the notion that we are too old or too sick to create positive changes in our body.
Emotional Aging
What is emotional aging? On the positive side, it is the wisdom and radiance we gain over time from being committed to compassion, love, and an open heart. On the negative side, emotional aging can manifest as rigidity, bitterness, and resentments that are etched on our face and spirit. We feel a heaviness of being, a numbness, a closing off which comes from clinging to hurt and resentment, the tightness of not surrendering year after year.
Part of my radical aging process includes surrendering bad ideas about aging that keep me feeling old. For instance, I avoid thoughts such as, “Who would want me now?” “I’m too fat,” “I’m all saggy and wrinkled,” or “The best part of my life is over.” Though I understand the tendency to put ourselves under a microscope, obsessing about flaws, disappointments, and shame is akin to cursing ourselves. Even worse, it’s often a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Energetic Aging
Having abundant energy is a precious gift. It’s associated with youth—though I’ve had plenty of 20 and 30-something patients who are chronically exhausted from pushing themselves too hard, and vibrant 70-something patients who’ve told me, “I’ve never felt better.” Nevertheless, many older people often say, “I don’t have the energy I used to.”
To counteract the energy decline associated with age, we must realize that there’s a fire within us that most people don’t know about. It’s called the Kundalinienergy, the coiled serpent power at the base of our spine. If we want to function at our peak, age radiantly, and live longer, it’s crucial to awaken this force. Then it can rise up our spine like an electric current to our crown—nourishing our cells and life force—an experience my patients have called “exhilarating,” “invigorating,” and even “orgasmic.”
Spiritual Aging
When we view aging from a spiritual perspective, everything changes. Spiritual aging allows us to see that there is more to our life experiences than the material world or ego. The soul has a life of its own, which is free of the space-time continuum.
Numerous studies have found a strong link between spirituality, longevity, and physical and emotional health. Having a spiritual foundation has many advantages, including greater optimism, less stress and loneliness, and a greater sense of belonging to a community. Believing in a higher power has been shown to impart strength during tough situations, like grappling with serious illness and loss. When we’re at peace and stress hormones aren’t ravaging our system, we age less rapidly and live longer.
Never give up on hope or creativity or passion. Keep falling in love with the world. Once in a while, kiss the ground. Your life is an offering from spirit. Your body is the altar within which your soul grows.
Something good has begun. It’s been coming for some time, shining on you as you age. Shining on you, always.
"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace." Amelia Earhart
How true this saying is. Whatever peace has been achieved in this world has been created by men and women who have shown great courage. Not only did they risk their lives, but many gave their lives for the cause they championed. Along the way they also suffered ostracism and persecution. But they could do no other.This is the physical reality of Say Yes to Your Spirit. It is the lived-out drama of what it means to dance in God. And the world has changed. Racism, sexism, homophobia, witch burning, slavery, and many more exploitations have shriveled in the world, although they have not been completely obliterated, because great men and women showed courage. Celebrate the power of the heavenly Spirit.
When we grow our food, we participate more fully in nature's cycles and form a closer bond with Mother Earth.
Growing a garden of food at home is an experience anyone can
enjoy. Even a hanging basket of rosemary or a cherry tomato plant in a pot on
the windowsill can enhance your connection with the cycle of life. If you
have space outdoors, the green and blooming colors of the edible delights you
are growing will decorate any view while tempting you to enjoy the outdoors.
The edible plants we nurture allow us to literally taste the fruits (or
vegetables or herbs) of our labor while helping us more consciously
participate in the circulating energy of nature.
Allow yourself to begin slowly and simply, so that you can learn to dance
with nature's intricate orchestrations. There are many experienced gardeners
out there to assist you as you choose seeds or small plants to start your
garden. As you learn to heed the seasons, soil, sun, frost, and shade, you
become more than a mere spectator of life's cycle. Instead, you step into the
role of cocreator and enhance what you nurture. No matter how large or small
the size of your garden, you can benefit from growing your own organic,
fresh, and nutritious food while also reveling in the depth of flavor and
texture that comes from plants that have been well-tended, nurtured, and
loved. As we appreciate the food we've grown, we can recognize the care that
farmers put into the produce most of us buy at the supermarket. With this new
understanding, we can acknowledge the roles other living creatures fill as
participants in cultivating the cycle of life. We may even learn to
peacefully coexist with the animals and insects that share perhaps too great
an interest in our garden.
When we grow our food, we participate more fully in nature's cycles and form
a closer bond with Mother Earth. Knowing how to grow your own food allows for
a sense of freedom and pride that you can feed and provide for yourself, one
of the most basic necessities. Gratitude may fill us as we marvel at the
beauty of nature and the majesty of the universe that orchestrates such
natural wonders. When we allow our appreciation of life to expand, we harvest
so much more than food and the taste is that much sweeter.
It often surprises me how people react when I tell them that I am an introvert.
It’s endearing for sure, as most respond by attempting to be supportive; as if I have just confided that I have a bad back, or that I’m on my period. I cannot speak for all introverts, but personally I don’t ever state that I am an introvert because I am looking for support, validation or compassion. I am usually saying it because I am worried that I just did or said something rude.
Besides introversion literature circulating, there are also a lot of memes circulating on Facebook. Most of this surrounds embracing introversion in a “geeks are cool too,” sort of way. That’s fine. I can’t say that I care one way or another about any of that. What I wish however, is that this “understanding” of introversion would translate into tolerance and understanding in social situations.
Here are some examples of what I mean by that.
5 introvert truths that may seem rude to extroverts:
1. I might not show up at your party.
Considering that every party I have ever hosted I have without fail wanted to cancel, you may be unsurprised to hear that I often do not want to go to other people’s events either. I often feel like I do have some extravert energy, but it is in a very limited supply. When it is used up, it is gone for that day.
If I have had a week consisting of a few social events, the chances are very low that I can handle a weekend of parties too. That said, if I have enough time to plan ahead, and I know your party is on Saturday night, I will ensure that I conserve enough energy to attend it. Sometimes however, life happens, and I am faced with unexpected and unplanned social situations and the result? I am all out.
The best thing about other people’s parties is that success is not dependent on me. They still happen whether I go or not, so my tendency to bail is high. I think that is also why the fear and panic sets in when it comes to hosting my own party: I suddenly realize that I really do have to be there. Worse still (and this really is the nail in the coffin) I have to stay until the end!
I am not anti-social. It frustrates me that I sometimes just don’t have it in me to go to all the parties, but the worst part is feeling rude or worrying that I upset the host by not going.
2. I need oodles of advance notice.
Last minute invites are not my cup of tea. It’s all to do with a particular type of energy again. I call it my extrovert energy supply, and its rarer than a Brit with an actual suntan.
With reference to the above, if I have only 10 units of extrovert energy available to me per week, and your party is a 6-pointer, I need to know in advance so that I can plan to reserve those six units. There is a weekly budget, and if I exceed it, I’m as much fun as a toilet brush.
On a similar note, you should not think anything of it as rude if I ask “How much longer are we going to be here?” It is very important that I know how long I have to last. Think of this rather like an exercise class at the gym. When you are holding the plank, you want to know that you are being timed and that you have a time goal to reach. Can you imagine holding the plank and the instructor giving you no anticipated end point? Torture. That is exactly how I feel if I do not know when I can leave a party.
3. Asking me arbitrary questions is rather like standing next to me and poking me with a stick.
I can tolerate it for a while, but at some point I am going to get irritated. After a prolonged period of this, I will begin to devise escape routes in my head. (After all, if you were being poked with a stick wouldn’t you do the same?)
Instead, ask me something that would usually be considered too deep/controversial/taboo/boring/nerdy to ask someone that you have just met. Introverted doesn’t mean anti-social. For me, arbitrary conversation is actually painful: I’ve had instances when I’ve felt tears prickling behind my eyes from sheer frustration. Ask me something interesting or relevant however, something that causes my brain to flip into gear, and my verging panic dissolves into calm.
4. “I have to leave now,” means now—not in 10 minutes.
When I suddenly stand up and leave without saying goodbye, please understand that you did not do or say anything wrong. I just had to leave—immediately. This is something that my husband is finally beginning to—not after one more drink, or at the end of the next song, or after we have systematically worked our way around the entire room saying farewell to each person individually. It means now—as in I am already out the door.
I have some great friends who totally understand me and don’t bat an eye when they notice that I left without saying goodbye. I am so thankful for friends like this.
5. I recharge by being alone.
There is no substitute for this. I have to go home. Home is the only option. A different type of alcoholic beverage, or dessert, or music, or food is not going to re-energize me. I have to go home. Trying to up my energy levels with anything other than going home, is like trying to charge an iPhone with a piece of tagliatelle.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t like you, or that you don’t throw an incredible party. It simply means that I have to be alone. It is similar to needing to go to the loo, or needing to eat some food, or needing to go to sleep—all compulsions that are a natural part of being human and considered essential for survival. For me, add “being alone” to that list.
I hate to think I might have offended someone by not going to a party, or leaving early, or not seeming very interested in conversations. I often wish that I were more extroverted:
If I were more extroverted I would not have had to leave after an hour.
If I were more extroverted I would have been interested in talking to someone’s wife about something totally benign.
If I were more extroverted I would have not want to scream “No, god no!” when someone suggests we stay for another drink.
If I were more extroverted I wouldn’t feel so rude all the time.
However, if I were more of an extravert, I guess I wouldn’t be me. Would I?
