CoDA Weekly Reading

 

The Year I Turned 14

Until the age of 14, I lived with my mother and two older brothers. My home life was unstable, and I didn’t feel fully protected or emotionally supported. When I was 14, during a weekend visit to my aunt’s house, I met a 24-year-old man. I was still a child and unsure about my feelings, but he showed interest in me. One night, while I was watching a movie, he came into the room and tried to have sex with me. I told him I was a virgin, but he ignored it and still penetrated me briefly, before I pushed him away because it hurt so badly. 

The next morning, I heard him having sex with his teenage girlfriend, who I later learned was only 16 or 15 years old. Despite this painful experience, I kept in contact with him through text. Looking back, I realize I was naive and didn’t fully understand what love was. I returned the following weekend, and I remember an older family member coming out, causing the man to jump off the couch quickly, as if he knew what he was doing was wrong. He lied to his family, telling them I was 18 and used a fake name for me. Around that time, my mom got evicted, and I ended up moving in with him at just 14. He told me to drop out of school so people wouldn’t see me leaving his house, which I did for a while. Later, I went back to school but continued living with him.

We stayed together for years. When I finally turned 18, he was 28, and shortly after, the relationship ended. He told me to just move on, and it felt like he hated me by then. After leaving, I moved to another state. Very quickly, I entered new relationships, trying to fill the emptiness I felt. Within weeks, I met my child’s father and moved in with his family, who welcomed me. Even in my new relationship, I often found myself missing the older man, despite believing now that he groomed me. Throughout my life, I’ve rarely been single, moving from one relationship to another, and I’ve realized this pattern might be rooted in codependency and a fear of being alone.

I’m still healing and trying to understand how my childhood, grooming, and unstable home environment shaped my relationships and my sense of self.  CoDA has been a great support in helping me with that. I'm able to stand on my own two feet, make the best decisions for myself and my children, find my own identity and passions and move forward in life gracefully. 

Denesha M.
07/31/2025