Eckhart on Low Self-Esteem and Anxiety (ET)

 By Eckhart Tolle

Question: I’m 34 years old and have a good job and a good home; I’m married to a wonderful man. I have bad anxiety, and I have no idea what I want from my life. I have low self-esteem and I get defensive easily. I’m rarely content or grateful. My thinking is so negative. I need approval from others.

Eckhart: This doesn’t seem to be a question but there’s a question hiding in there. First, I’d like to congratulate the questioner on her self-knowledge because she is aware that she’s anxious. Not everybody who’s anxious knows that they are anxious. They are just taken over by anxiety, and it is virtually their normal state. If you ask them, “Are you anxious?” they reply, “No, I’m not anxious.”
The question, “I have no idea what I want from my life,” looks like the beginning of the place of not knowing, which is good. “I have low self-esteem,” indicates that you have the awareness that you have low self-esteem. “I get defensive easily,” again, this indicates that you know that you get defensive; the question is… in the moment of getting defensive do you know that you’re getting defensive, or do you just know it afterwards? “I’m rarely content or grateful,” is a good self-observation, too. “My thinking is so negative,” is another good piece of self-knowledge. You can ask, in this moment, what other thoughts are going through my head?

If you apply this awareness to the present moment when these things arise – defensiveness, low self-esteem and anxiety — you’ll see that certain repetitive thoughts in the mind are the voice in the head that tells you – this is low self-esteem. There might be certain emotions that go with the thoughts, but the basis for low self-esteem is the thoughts that you tell yourself about your low self-worth. The questioner knows that she has low self-esteem, and if she can recognize the thoughts in the moment of low self-esteem arising, she may realize the repetitive, conditioned thoughts are not necessarily true. Perhaps, the low self-esteem started in childhood – it often happens to people whose parents are very critical or tell them they are never good enough. It might have started there; it’s a conditioned way of thinking.

The awareness that’s already present in the questioner needs to be there in the moment when these thoughts arise — to recognize them as thoughts — and then, you are no longer completely trapped in what these thoughts are saying. In other words, your sense of being is not in the thought anymore; it is in the awareness of the thought. To use an analogy, the vastness of the sky is your awareness and the clouds are your thoughts.

Remain the sky (the awareness) and allow the clouds (the thoughts) to come and go. You are the awareness behind the thoughts. This applies to any kind of negative thinking – it arises, you recognize it as automatic– it’s a thought. You are the awareness that knows this (low-self esteem) is a negative thought pattern. This way you are no longer feeding the conditioned thinking, so you are taking your identity out of thinking and no longer renewing old patterns.

If your awareness can grow, which means deepen, because it’s already there to some extent – then those conditioned patterns will diminish and get transmuted.

Another point mentioned in the question: “I get defensive easily,” defensiveness happens very quickly in human interactions; it’s an automatic pattern. You may only recognize it afterwards, and say, “That was defensiveness again.” These are all ways the ego tried to protect itself– the ego being the mind-made self. Defensiveness will come up with any lie just to keep its ego identity intact.

A Course in Miracles has a lovely saying, “Whenever you become defensive about anything, know that you have identified with an illusion.” That’s interesting. For example, you say that the distance from here to the moon is 350,000 kilometers or so – and the light takes just over one second to travel from the moon to the Earth. Then somebody else says, “No, that’s completely untrue; it actually takes one minute.” This is just a difference of opinion, but you know that the other person is wrong. If you say, “No, that’s not right,” is that defensiveness? It depends on how you say it. The question is…are you identified with your mind, which has a position that happens to be true, but are you identified with that mental position? Do you derive your sense of self from thought? If you’re identified with the thought, you will get angry and defensive with the other person who is completely wrong and you might say things like, “You always doubt me.” That’s the ego trying to protect itself. The A Course in Miracles saying applies because you have identified yourself with an illusion. The illusion is not that it takes one second for light to travel from the moon to the Earth; the illusion is that you identified with the thought — a mind pattern — so you are strengthening an illusory identity by strengthening your mental position– that’s unconsciousness. This shows how a difference of opinion can degenerate into a huge conflict because the ego becomes defensive. Alertness is required on your part, so that you know when the ego arises.

The key is your awareness. When awareness deepens all those patterns you mentioned will weaken. There’s already a considerable amount of awareness in this questioner. The awareness isn’t the person, but it’s deeper than the person. You apply the awareness to the present moment when things arise, but not in some abstract way, for example, “Will I ever become a person who is not negative? I can’t get rid of my patterns,” that doesn’t matter; this moment is what matters. So just apply your awareness to this moment; you can’t change things into mental constructs – “How can I change, I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore?” Forget it! This moment is where you apply Presence. I sometimes say, “The sword of Presence that cuts through time.”

The Secret of the Burning Bush

Topic: Kabbalistic Concepts |

In the portion of Shemot, we come to the famous story of Moses and what is called the burning bush. There is a discussion amongst the commentators and kabbalists about not only what exactly the burning bush was, but more importantly, what consciousness the Creator was awakening within Moses, and that we, therefore, want to learn; what is the consciousness that we want to awaken within us in order to bring the Final Redemption?

Moses sees fire on the bush of thorns, the burning bush, and says, “I want to see a hamare haGadol haze, ‘great vision.’” Why does he call it “a great vision?” What is so amazing about what Moses is being shown?

To understand this, there's a teaching from the great kabbalist, the Maharal of Prague. It says that whenever you find the greatness of the Light of the Creator, you also find the humility of the Light of the Creator. That's the statement we have to understand. And the Maharal of Prague explains that the greatness of the Light of the Creator is that it is existent even with the lowest. And the secret of the burning thorns, therefore, is that Moses was actually being shown something that probably all of us have some level of understanding, but that none of us have as a real consciousness. Most people believe that when a person is low – like at the lowest point where the Israelites were then - there is a diminishment of the existence of the Light of the Creator in that individual.

But, no. The Creator comes to Moses and says the Israelites in Egypt don't know or have the certainty that His Light rests upon them even in their lowest state. And the Israelites, as the Zohar tells us, were in the lowest 49th gate of negativity. They believed that in this lowest state the Light of the Creator exists with them less than It does when they are in the highest state. But the Creator comes to Moses and tells him that as long as the Israelites believe that, and until even Moses himself strengthens his certainty about it, the Final Redemption can't occur. Moses had to shift his consciousness about this simple teaching; the Light of the Creator exists in the lowest places as powerfully as it exists in the highest places, and with the lowest person just as it exists with the highest person.

Therefore, the Creator brings Moses an example. He says, look, a miracle is happening not in this huge, beautiful tree, but on the thorns. Why? Because thorns are the lowest, most insignificant, ugliest part of the vegetable kingdom. Moses needed to strengthen his certainty that even in this lowest state the Light of the Creator exists as it does in the highest state.

That is the secret of the burning thorns. The Creator comes to Moses and tells him he has to awaken this certainty and go back to the Israelites and awaken their certainty, because they've come to believe that the Light of the Creator doesn't exist where they are now. That where they are now is too low, far, and dark for the Light of the Creator to exist. But the Creator says, “No. Moses, first you need to be reminded, and then you need to go back and remind them.”

Where do we find the greatest Light? In the lowest places. The Light of the Creator is there for the lowest, as it is for the highest. The Creator wanted Moses to let the Israelites know that yes, even though they are in the 49th gate of negativity, the Light of the Creator is there for them as It is for the highest, most elevated souls; unless the Israelites know that, the Redemption can't occur. And that's why Moses says, “This is a great revelation!” Because he means that it is the revelation that the greatness of the Light of the Creator exists even in the lowest, even in the thorns, even in the Israelites who are now in the 49th gate of negativity. The Israelites need to be able to shift their consciousness to this understanding that yes, even where they are now in the lowest state, the Light of the Creator is with them. Even in the difficulty, even in the challenges, even in the 49th gate.

Most of us don't believe that. And this may be one of the most important switches that has to occur for us. We think that as a person elevates in his spiritual state, the Light exists more and that when a person goes down, the Light exists less; if a person believes that, if a person has that consciousness, it becomes true for him or her. So for the Israelites, as long as they believed that when they were in the 49th gate of impurity the Light of the Creator had diminished, the Redemption can't occur for them.

Therefore, Moses, who was the righteous and the leader of that generation, had to shift his consciousness and then go back to the Israelites and awaken it for them. Through this consciousness becoming strong within him, Moses was then able to awaken the Redemption.

And now we understand the story of the burning thorns on a deeper level; this was the work of consciousness. First, certainty has to be awakened in order for the Final Redemption to occur. Then there is a second level of consciousness that has to shift in order for the Redemption to occur. The Israelites had the consciousness that the Light of the Creator doesn’t reside where they exist in the low state of the 49th gate of negativity. But Moses had to change his consciousness about this, so the Creator showed Moses that His Light was being revealed in the thorns, which are the lowest, and not in some beautiful tree. Why? Because the Creator needed to awaken within Moses this clarity, certainty, and consciousness that the Light of the Creator exists in the lowest state as it does in the highest state.

The burning thorns were not simply a story, a revelation, or prophecy for Moses. It was work. First, the Creator says to him, “Moses! Shift your consciousness. Even in the lowest state, the Light of the Creator exists as completely as it exists in the highest state.” And once Moses is awakened to this consciousness, the Creator says, “Okay, now, we can begin the process of the Redemption. And you have to go to the Israelites and let them know that even in their lowest state, the Light of the Creator exists completely… and then the Final Redemption can begin to occur. “

This is true for all of us as well. We have to know that the same Light that was revealed to Rav Shimon Bar Yochai and to the greatest souls who ever lived is with us right now, no matter how low we are and no matter what state we are in. And we cannot be conduits, we cannot bring the Final Redemption, unless we have that certainty. The level of consciousness that had to shift for the Israelites and that has to shift for us in order to bring the Final Redemption is this understanding that even in the lowest state, the Light of the Creator is with us. And if we know that, then we are able to reveal it, and we are able to be conduits for the Light of the Final Redemption.

Are You an Old Soul? {Includes Test}

Via Alex Myles

The world consists of a variety of people and each one is at a different stage of soul evolution.

An old soul is someone whose energy has reincarnated many times over and this means that they have experienced many lifetimes here on Earth—maybe some that weren’t even human.

Old souls are very easy to recognize, often by a certain look in their eyes, as it appears as though they can see straight through you. They are also identified by how they view the world in a way that is vastly different to how the majority of other people perceive it.

Although we use the term “old souls,” the concept has no relation to the number of years the soul has existed for. Time is not linear to a soul and the concept of old souls is associated with life-experience, reincarnation and also the amount of karmic clearing that has taken place, rather than the amount of time spent on Earth.  

From a very young age old souls are wise beyond their years. They are noticeably advanced with their achievements and say things that would usually be spoken by someone far beyond their chronological age. They approach the world through old eyes and as though they have experienced similar life cycles before and seem to innately know things that others struggle to comprehend.

They are able to see, with ease, into the future and this is one of the reasons that they place trust in their intuition and use it as a faithful tool to guide them. They are aware that each decision they make creates an alternative picture of their overall life, so they will swap direction and make necessary changes without regret, knowing that ultimately their choices are shaping their eventual destination.

Due to their eternal unrest old souls are seekers who are on an adventure fueled with intrigue, inquisition, curiosity and self-exploration, rather than one that rewards hierarchies, social statuses or financial achievements. Their mind is constantly searching for answers and theorizing, scrutinizing and philosophizing.

Old souls are not necessarily intellectuals, even though many of them do obtain many qualifications due to their quest for knowledge. It is more common for old souls to self-educate and find the route to their own version of success rather than gaining their education from formal organisations. They are not ones for authority or regulation and whether they study or not, they are brimming with wisdom and knowledge that derives from lives fully lived.

Success to an old soul begins and ends with soul nourishment and anything else that results is simply a by-product and holds little value in comparison to personal growth and fulfillment. 

Old souls are emotionally and psychologically intelligent as well as being truth seers and their search for authenticity leads them to cut straight through the majority of the illusions that mask the true state of reality.

Due to their ability to see the world with clarity, rather than through a rose coloured bubble, they can become ostracised in society as others might believe their views and opinions to be pessimistic and cynical rather than seeing the old soul as awake, aware and realistic.

They do not need to be taught what is right from wrong, and although they can be rebellious, they inherently know how to behave and have very high morals and ethics. However, they choose to live by their own rules rather than the written or unwritten ones that society demands.

The comfort of their home is their haven, and is the place that old souls are usually found curled up reading a mind-challenging book or classic literature in front of an open fire. These individuals are not dazzled by things that glitter, so they do not have the desire to compete or to submerge themselves in materialistic possessions, grandiose declarations or superficial surroundings.

Alone time is immensely important for an old soul as they are deep thinkers and find great pleasure in sifting through their mind so they can evoke the accumulation of historic memories that have been stored throughout their lifetimes. Although, they are at peace while on their own, they never consider themselves as being lonely as they have a profound understanding of oneness, so they constantly feel an intense connection to everything that exists or has previously existed on earth.

Rather than experiencing loneliness old souls associate their introversion with solitude as it allows them the space and time to delve into introspection so they can decode the meaning of their life and also a great understanding of the world.

Old souls sometimes struggle, feeling isolated and alien-like while in the company of others who cannot or will not try to relate or resonate with their experiences. They are almost otherworldly and can feel out of sync, often believing as though they exist in an alternative dimension. 

They may feel like the “black sheep” in their family or the “lone wolves” of society. Other people find it difficult to understand their behavior or the way they feel and experience the world.

Old souls can seem old-fashioned to many as they appreciate sentimental offerings and cherish the simpler things in life. Whether it be a hot tea in their favourite mug, a walk along cliff tops with friends, vintage framed photograph of a grandparent, a hand knitted sweater or choosing to pen a romantic letter to a loved one, old souls enjoy close connections to things that are precious to them or that are reminders of days gone by.

Friends and relationships are not sought out by old souls, although, if they do establish bonds with people it is with those who they have a strong spiritual connection and they will likely keep these people close to their heart and treasure them for numerous life times.

Old souls are not the outrageous, extroverted types who are the life of parties. Instead, they prefer to sit quietly and casually in the fringes where they can either observe human behaviour or converse with others about philosophy, literature or the intrinsic wiring of the mind. People are drawn to them as they have incredible listening skills and part of the reason for this is that they understand that when they pay attention and remain silent, they receive a unique opportunity to learn.

They are open minded, accepting and empathetic, so instead of condemning anyone, they look at the root cause of actions so they can understand why someone is behaving in a specific way. Compassion and forgiveness is offered, even if the old soul has been treated badly or hurt throughout the process.

Self-worth can be a difficult thing for old-souls to achieve as they do not look to other people to validate their character, neither do they seek ego-boosting compliments or endorsements. They question their identity and scrutinize their core traits. It can take them a long time to feel comfortable in their own skin, though that is mainly due to the fact that they are unlike those around them. When they do find self-acceptance they are thick-skinned and resilient souls and nothing and no-one will sway or break them.
Old souls are often described to be in their latter stages of evolvement. They are believed to have cleared much of their karmic debt and have learned many tough, arduous and excruciatingly painful lessons along their way, although this lifetime they are not attracted to drama or conflict and instead they are magnetized towards peace, harmony and balance.

They often seem as though they are born before their time as their ideologies, beliefs, inventions, artistic expression, thoughts and unconventional lifestyles can all make them feel as though they are out of touch with their own generation. Old souls are often misunderstood, misinterpreted and misplaced in society as they have unorthodox characters which can seem eccentric, perplexing and bewildering to most.

Nevertheless, they are valuable and precious fountains of wisdom that are of immeasurable benefit to the world. Old souls are the free spirits, game changers, creators, charismatic leaders, curious beings, philosophers, truth seekers, peacekeepers, warriors with tender hearts, wild imaginations and those with gentle but unbreakable spirits.

Old souls are the ones who live quietly and discreetly, often as recluses, outside society’s safely sealed box. 

It can take a little time to get to know and understand these old souls that have journeyed barefoot on this planet many times over. However, if they choose to unravel and reveal their magnificent eternal spirit, they will realize their true purpose here on earth and that is perfectly attuned to the order of the divine. Their existence here on Earth in this exact era is for a higher purpose not only for themselves but to share the knowledge and wisdom they have accumulated so that it benefits and enhances the life of all living things.
Try the quiz below if the above aligns with your traits and characteristics, or pass it on to someone you think may be an old soul.

Loner Wolf Old Soul Test  (This will take you outside)

Ties That Can’t Be Broken (KB)

There's a story of a man who is about to pass on to the next world. He gathers his family around him and gives each person a straw, telling each one, "Now take this straw and break it." Each person breaks their straw easily. The man then produces another set of straws; these straws, however, are bound together. He asks each person to break the bunch. But guess what? No one can break it, because the individual pieces are bound together with not one or two or three others, but with many, many other pieces. This story goes to show that when we bind our energy together – when we pray together as a group, not only with those in physical proximity to us, but with thousands and thousands of fellow Light-workers, our spiritual brothers and sisters all around the world – we become a powerful force saying in unison, "Are you listening, God?” We need to force the Heavenly floodgates open with our love so that we can bring forth the spirituality of the Lightforce to our physical world. It is only through our individual and collective efforts that we can dispel the negativity that we see happening around us. The only reason that negativity exists is because we haven't yet arrived at the place where we are able to break it. We have not yet wiped the negativity from ourselves, our lives, and the world. But we must try to do so, and I believe we are getting closer and closer to doing so every day.

Don’t Let Yourself Die, Before You Really Feel Alive.

Via Alexa Torontow

I recently had one of those conversations that contained a missing piece of my life puzzle.

The kind of conversation that strings together many experiences into a sense of completion. The kind that finally unveils what I’ve been feeling for years, but unable to properly convey through words.

Someone with whom I had only exchanged a few words asked to go for coffee.

He said he wanted to know my story. Although a rather big question, there was a level of comfort beyond what I normally experience. My words fell out as seamlessly as summer turns to fall.

The depth of the conversation unraveled rapidly. As my unfiltered words came through my recently mended heart, every nook and cranny of my vulnerability was exposed.

There were moments when I realized how much I was saying, and to what depth, and a wave of nervousness would wash over me. I would tell myself to reel it in and stop talking.

He called me on it. He could see right through me.

He saw exactly what I was thinking and, to my pleasant surprise, he found it quite amusing. I was slightly embarrassed feeling so transparent, but at the same time it was so nice to really be seen.

I had shared more personal experiences in a few hours of conversation than I had in my entire last relationship. I mentioned that fact as well.

A look of complete surprise swiftly took shape upon his face. But as the surprise transformed into understanding, with the sweetest eyes he met my gaze and said the most powerful thing someone has ever said to me.

“You’re killing yourself.”

I froze.

“You have a lot to say, and need to say it.”

“By not doing so, you’re letting a part of yourself die.”

His sharp words pierced my heart and reverberated throughout my entire body.

Those words unlocked a cascade of flashbacks. Many moments throughout my life began to surface.

For years I’ve had a plethora of symptoms, ailments and imbalances. Most practitioners are puzzled by these occurrences happening at such a young age.

Two things that my doctors had previously said to me immediately came to mind:

“If we’re not being our authentic selves, we can never really fully heal.”

“Trauma is subjective. It doesn’t matter what the experience was, if you perceive it as trauma, your body interprets it and stores it as trauma.”

Years of symptoms typically addressed with medication and diagnosed based on a criteria of exclusion. In and out of hospital visits, meetings with specialists, along with a variety of both western and alternative therapies.

Getting to the point where physiologically many things had come to a halt. I was burnt out, I was frustrated and I felt completely defeated.

Unknowingly, I think I was killing myself.

Just to clarify, I understand that there are physical, chemical and biological contributing factors for many ailments and imbalances. But I strongly believe that health is an equal balance of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of the self—all equal contributors.

It’s only in retrospect I see that I was not giving nearly enough attention to the emotional and spiritual aspects of my own health.

The point in time when things were at their worst was also the time I began to become aware that the way in which I was living was not in alignment with what I actually felt, believed and knew to be true.

I was living and speaking in the way I felt I was supposed to be living. Running on an autopilot of sorts.

I was empty. On so many levels.

And I felt blocked with communication, especially verbal. I felt like my words always came out in a confusing way or I couldn’t quite convey what I actually felt.

So I began to write.

The words that come through my pen onto paper come directly from my heart and bypass whatever resistance my spoken words meet.

All the things I wanted to say to other people, from family to friends to people I would meet in passing. All the things that, for some reason, I felt I couldn’t say aloud—I would write. And keep it to myself.

From the pain in my heart to what I desired. I would write, hide it in the safe space of my journal, on a file on my computer or on a piece of paper that I would immediately recycle once complete.

There was a big part of myself that I wasn’t properly taking care of. That I wasn’t feeding, nurturing or tending to by any means.

I was suppressing it and suffocating it.

I was letting a part of myself die that so strongly wanted to experience what it was like to be in full expression.

After hours of eye-opening conversation with my new friend, sorting and sifting through past experiences, I made my way to a doctor’s appointment to receive an IV as part of a treatment protocol.

I looked down at the needle in my arm and I couldn’t help but think of all self-administered poison I had been giving myself all these years—by not speaking my truth, honoring my intuition or living in a way that was in alignment with my beliefs.

On my walk home an overwhelming sadness washed over me. As my eyes welled with tears, I thought about all of the people across the globe who live in a society where they are unable to voice their truth, live out their dreams and communicate how they really think and feel.

I thought about the people in every corner of the world who feel trapped in their own mind or within there own selves.

My brief moment of sadness quickly transformed into frustration.

How dare I keep quiet when I’m lucky enough to live in a land with freedom of speech? How dare we, as a collective, not speak out—not only to only free ourselves, but also for those who do not have the same liberty.

As extensions from source, spirit and creation, we are here to create. We are here to continuously express ourselves as we change and evolve throughout our lifetime.

We are dynamic and incredible beings gifted this amazing opportunity to explore this life.

If we hold back,

If we suppress our creativity,

If we stay silent when we should speak,

We’re letting ourselves die, before we ever really feel alive.

I believe all beings inherent right is to thrive, to feel abundant and to feel alive. To not just continuously cope and get through this life, but to really, truly feel alive.

There is no more time to waste living in any other way.

What a waste it would be to go through the motions of our unpredictable number of days here on this earth without ever feeling alive, without ever experiencing what it’s like to live authentically and speak our truth.

We must live with our feet firmly planted upon the earth and our hearts wide open.

May we all speak our truth, even if our voice shakes.

May we all fearlessly and unapologetically live out our visions, our dreams and our truths.

May we welcome and encourage our brothers and sisters, our global family, to do the same.

For if we don’t, we’re letting ourselves and each other die, before we ever really feel alive.

5 Common Traits of Emotional Insecurity.

Via Keith Artisan

Emotional intelligence is growing as a recognizable and useful skill.

A step in developing emotional intelligence is learning how to identify and relate with people who are not awakened to their own emotional state and expressions. Emotional insecurity is common with people who do not recognize, see or value subtle sensitivities.

When attempting to be open-hearted with an emotionally insecure individual, they have core predictable responses. The stories will change, yet these energetic-attitude patterns are observable beneath the words.

My perspective of emotional security rests in a person’s inability to accept how another person feels, experiences life, and exists. The emotionally insecure person is challenged by existential differences.

This list of personal experiences reflects my insight, both as a person who feels insecure at times, and who relates with and loves people who also have insecurities. These are not judgements about a persons character, yet identifying personality patterns can turn an old fight into a new response.

1. Defensiveness.

A person who is under attack and feel pressured will be defensive. It is a natural response for every person and just because a person is feeling defensive doesn’t make them emotionally insecure.

The reason a person becomes defensive is because emotions tap into identity and self-esteem. Without an awareness and capacity to operate with emotions, the emotional realm and its expression and languages are frightening.

Frightened people respond in two ways, either running from or fighting with the trigger. It takes time to see and operate securely with emotions and sensitivities.

Emotional insecurity is identified when a person is so defensive they are unable to hear or accept differences of any degree. Even everyday, scientifically provable facts can become a point of contention. When it comes to differences in feelings the mere presence of emotion and feeling can trigger the defensive reaction.

This entire list are varieties of defensive responses.

2. Redirection.

The emotionally insecure person will redirect blame, fault or mistake back onto the person who brings legitimate concerns.

In a secure relationship all topics of conversation are open for discussion. Asking for clarification or bringing up a personal point or perspective remains cause for celebration. Unfortunately, attempts to communicate become cause for conflict and separation.

When a person does not feel safe emotionally, redirection can be a powerful tool for not owning ones own participation and never having to take responsibility.

3. Misdirection & Storytelling.

Similar to redirection, misdirection takes responsibility and places it on an object or circumstance rather than the person bringing the concern.

Whether it was the booze, the full moon, astrological birth sign, or childhood event, misdirection blinds a person to what is happening in the moment. Even when there is legitimacy in the misdirection, it becomes a way to not hear and see the person as the are showing up, now.

Even legitimate, truthful reasons can be used for hiding emotionally.

Just because something happened in the past and influenced this moment does not make it the cause or thing that needs to be discussed. In talking about the past and over-analyzing what a person shares, the individual and the opportunity to deepen relationship are missed.

Rather than looking at what is really happening and being communicated, the cause remains unaddressed. A lot of endless, circular talking happens until one person takes responsibility and acts from their own center.

4. Comparison.

Just because people or circumstances are similar, comparison confuses the real issue. Rather than hearing and seeing a person or issue plainly, a filter is added. This creates confusion.

A son is not just like his father, a daughter is not just like her mother. People of any ethnicity, age, background, though similar, are completely individual and unique. The new person in one’s life is not just like an old, even if there are common points. Not all Christians, Muslims, Hindus or discordians are the same. Each is an individual.

Reality is totally missed when framing a person as “just like so and so” or taking a situation and saying “its just like this other time.”

They aren’t just like so and so.

And this moment has never happened before and never will again happen.

5. Invalidation.

Subtle and pernicious, invalidation strikes at a person’s emotional, existential core.

Invalidation makes a person wrong for feeling how they feel. The emotionally insecure person, incapable of working with and coping with their own emotions, invalidates and puts down whomever is attempting to communicate.

The most damaging of emotional defensive patterns, invalidation can be difficult to recognize.

“You are being too sensitive.” is the battle cry of invalidation. Its variations mock and undermine a person’s subtle perceptions of reality and relationships with other people.

Invalidation is difficult to communicate with words, it happens as a feeling. The result of invalidation is the loss of trust and security. It can happen quickly and without warning, often unintentionally with careless words.

A person knows when it happens, yet often times cannot recognize what has happened until after the experience.

While recognizing emotional insecurity is one step, learning to relate and navigate the effects of emotional insecurity takes time. It’s a learned skill dependent on self-knowledge. How a person relates to their own self, operating with their own emotional nature, is the foundation, attitude and exact same relationship style shared with other people. Learning to relate with emotional insecurity with others first depends on how one relates to it within, first.

The greatest challenge there is how a person treats their own self when feeling emotionally insecure. The dynamic and internal dialogue are the relationship traits one lives daily within and without.

There is no quick fix for emotional insecurity. It is normal. Self-knowledge remains the cure.

“And God said “Love Your Enemy,” and I obeyed him and loved myself.” ~ Khalil Gibran

Doing these 2 Things in the Shower will Make us Happier.

Via Dina Overland

We all shower—and it’s one of the few times that we’re doing only one thing, making it an ideal opportunity to quiet our monkey minds, consciously create happy thoughts and express gratitude.

And feel happier every day.

That’s because when we shower, we aren’t on the phone, or the computer, or watching TV. We aren’t working and we’re not playing with our kids.

We’re simply standing under a stream of water with the goal of becoming clean.

But it’s not just our bodies that we can clean while we’re in the shower—we can also clean out our minds and our thoughts.

Instead of letting your mind wander aimlessly (as mine tends to do—what should I make for dinner tonight? Hmm...), you can consciously shape your thoughts to be more positive and mindful.

That’s exactly what I do every time I shower—and I’ve added two things to my shower routine to help me start off each day with peace, gratitude and joy.

Whether you’re a newbie to this inner peace thing or you’ve been walking the path for years, bringing mindfulness to your shower time is such an effective tool to feeling happier.

Here’s what we can do:

1. Say your “I ams.” As Wayne Dyer said, the words “I am” are some of the most powerful words in our language, for what comes next literally shapes our perceptions, our lives and our reality.

So if you’ve always believed thoughts like “I am dumb,” then I bet you didn’t get straight As in school. But if you’ve always thought “I am lucky,” l bet you’ve experienced plenty of fortuitous situations.

As soon as I get in the shower, I turn my thoughts to my standard “I ams”:

I am happy.
I am whole.
I am enough.
I am complete.
I am worthy.

(Don’t rush through these. Take a few deep breaths as you think them, to make sure they really sink in.)

I always start with these five “I am” statements because they are the foundation of my entire spiritual philosophy. You can’t do much healing of your emotional pain and suffering if you don’t think you’re inherently worthy.

Then, as I’m getting myself clean, I add more “I am” statements like:

I am healthy.
I am willing to change.
I am fulfilled.
I am wise.
I am forgiving.

Really, it’s about saying whatever you want to be feeling. It’s not about whether you already are feeling that way. That’s because you have to say it before you believe it.

So even if you’re hating on that family member who hurt you last month or feeling like death warmed over as you suffer from the flu, you insist—over and over and over—that you’re forgiving and healthy.

And soon enough you will be feeling what you’ve been telling yourself. Of course, some affirmations take longer than others to come to fruition, but they will come true if you’re consistent with your practice.

2. Express gratitude. After my “I am” statements, I move on to gratitude. I may be washing my hair, and I’ll think thoughts like “I’m grateful for my loving and supportive husband.”

And no worries if you can’t think of much that you’re grateful for. Start with something totally obvious, especially if you’re showering first thing in the morning—you know, pre-caffeine. You could say “I’m grateful for hot water” or “I’m grateful that I have a house to live in” or “I’m grateful it rained yesterday.”

My other gratitude affirmations sometimes go like this:

I’m grateful for the birds singing sweet songs outside my bedroom window.

I’m thankful to spend so much quality time with my daughter.

I’m grateful I can watch the sunrise and sunset over the ocean every day.

And so on…

It absolutely doesn’t matter what you’re grateful for. Just express gratitude for something.

When you combine positive “I am” statements with gratitude statements while in the shower, you end up with a clean body and a clean mind.

Now that’s a glorious way to start your day!