We all
have challenges we face on a daily basis whether it is work, family,
romantic relationships, friendship, or financial issues. For me, keeping
peace in my heart and in my mind is essential to navigating all of these
avenues of life. However, sometimes maintaining the peace in my head is
very challenging.
A few
weeks ago, I was not in a peaceful state of mind. I allowed the world to
take my peace. That was a difficult place for me, as I had not been in
that level of darkness in over ten years. Thankfully, I had tools to
bring me out of the darkness. None-the-less, the brief amount of darkness
that I felt propelled me into realizing that I needed to work on learning
to keep peace even in the darkest of times.
During
the times of light, when everything is going well in my life, I don’t
need to lean on the tools of recovery as hard, and I forget the power
that the tools hold. Reiterating the First Step of CoDependents anonymous
seems easy at times when all is well. “We admitted we were powerless over
others—that our lives had become unmanageable.” But when issues arise,
and I begin to feel a dip in my life happening, and I go to the first
step, it’s not as easy to trust and believe that the step actually works.
I stare
at step one, and I can’t seem to get over the fact that I’m “…powerless
over others…” I think to myself, there must be something that I can
do—but that’s the codependence in me—believing I can change the ideals of
others.
Step
two during the dark times proves just as difficult. “Came to believe that
a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” During the
sane times, or what I call the time of rainbows and lollipops, step two
is easy. It’s during the times of turmoil, the times where I am not at
peace where this step is the most difficult. But at the same time, it is
at these times of despair where I need this step the most in order to
stay in, retain, or get back in peace. I have to remember that there is a
power greater than me that can indeed restore me to sanity.
Step
three, to me, seems equivalent to the 5th component to the stages of
grieving—acceptance. I’ve went through denial, I struggled through the
anger, I wrestled with bargaining. Now, there isn’t anything else I can
do except—accept. Acceptance doesn’t mean I agree with the situation, or
with people, or even with God’s decision. It means I’ve turned my life
over to the care of God. It means I will live in peace, and I will let go
and let God.
In the
past, times of peace in my heart and head were not sustainable because I
lacked conviction due to my codependence. My codependence forced me into
isolation due to fear. Fear prohibited me from choosing healthy
relationships, and even more frustrating, it kept me from sustaining those
relationships that were healthy.
In The
Twelve Traditions of Co-Dependents Anonymous tradition 3 states “The only
requirement for membership in CoDA is a desire for healthy and loving
relationships.” I like to think that statement in itself has everything
to do with peace. The need to have peace in one’s life while still having
relationships.
Whatever
resource I use, one of my biggest goals in life is to learn to live in
peace no matter what type of turmoil is happening around me.
Peace
doesn’t just happen. I have to work at it. If I want healthy and loving
relationships, I have to work hard at it. Fortunately, I have the tools,
I have the steps, I have my Higher Power, and I have my CoDA friends to
help me along in the journey to sustaining peace.
Resa G
– 11/26/16
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