0
Share on bsky
What I learned about love from my dog
We talk about unconditional love and how we all want it…we want to believe it actually exists.
Well, it does. It does exist. The problem with finding it, though, is that it doesn’t come from humans; at least not in my experience.
Can it? I would like to believe it can.
Where does it come from? For me, it came from my dog Jaden, aka JJ.
The love we get from dogs is that true unearned love we hear about and see in the movies.
The excitement they show us when we come home, the wagging tail, the smile on their faces…yes, they smile. What I learned from my dog was that I could be loved without rules or conditions. I grew up being told that if I behaved in a way that was pleasing, I was loved. If I behaved in a way that was displeasing, I was a burden and not loved unconditionally.
I took that message with me into all of my romantic relationships up until the age of, well…let’s leave that unsaid. Let’s just say it was longer than I had ever planned on. When I learned I could be loved without conditions or having to earn it, it was a slow process of accepting that fact.
I say fact because dogs have no ulterior motive. Can they be sneaky? Oh, for sure. However, there is no lying or deceit when you come home, take them to the beach, or dog park. Their joy is unbridled. Their happiness is clearly evident by their running around, their smile, their jumping all over.
Dogs are funny. When they really love you, they lean into you with their whole body. You have to steady and brace yourself so you can stay standing. They push their heads into you and push…and push. It’s as if they’re trying to become one with you; like they can’t get close enough to you, so they try to push their way into your body. Only then will they be satisfied.
How does all of this relate to human love?
Humans are complex creatures. We come with history or what most of us call “baggage.” What that ends up causing, as in my case, is to have us behave in certain ways in order to get love. Or, at least, that is what our brains tell us…”Behave this way so you’ll be loved.”
Many times the tables also get turned and we make our love conditional to others. “Behave this way, and I will love you.” Conditional love. That is what that is and it never quite feels easy or comfortable. It feels just the way it sounds…conditional. We feel we have to walk on eggshells or avoid conversations or speaking our minds, or being completely honest with our partners. We feel we have to be someone or something else in order to love or be loved.
How do we get or receive unconditional love then? Well, it may be easier, or harder, than you think. It all depends on your perspective.
How I learned to give unconditional love was by taking my dog on five a.m. walks when I wanted to stay in bed.
I learned it by taking him on extra walks when he didn’t do all of his business when I would have preferred to work out or watch a show.
I learned it by making sure he got time with other dogs so he could be socialized and understand social cues from other dogs.
I learned it by making sure he got good food. By that I mean, quality food that had minimal ingredients to ensure no fillers were used and it would be easy to digest and actually good for him. I figured if I was buying the best quality food for me, why would I buy anything less for him?
I learned it by taking him on road trips to the ocean with me, on hikes with me, and to my family’s home so he could visit his favorite friend.
Seeing him be happy and excited taught me that I could get joy and happiness from giving to him without expectation. Because, what could he do for me in this way? Was he ever going to take me to the ocean or to his family’s place so I could visit my favorite person?
I learned that his happiness gave me happiness. Seeing him happy meant everything to me. Now, when I do things for my person and see her smile, that means everything and what does she have to do in return? Not a thing.
This is how we can learn to love unconditionally.
Another way is to start loving ourselves without conditions. I found this to be one of the most challenging things I have ever done; and it still is sometimes. However, with a lot of work, patience, and commitment, you can do it. It all starts with a desire to have better for yourself. When you want a better future just for you and no one else, it starts with that. That sounds really selfish. Right? In a way it is. What I mean by a better future for yourself is a better emotional future. When you feel better about yourself, you treat others better.
When you change the way you talk with yourself, you change your relationship with you. Changing the way you feel about you, may be the most difficult thing you ever do in your entire life. But if you do this, you will have a truly blessed life. When you can tame that negative voice that tells you that you can’t have this, you’ll never be worthy of that, etc. you will have the most wonderful existence. You will attract magic into your life. You will attract really good people into your life.
Your life will never be the same.
~
author: Brad Kenny
Image: Author's Own
Editor: Molly Murphy
This account does not have permission to comment on Elephant Journal.
Contact support with questions.