When an addict slides further down
the seemingly endless rabbit hole of addiction, the physical, psychological and
spiritual transformation that occurs as a result of their behavior can be both
startling heartbreaking to witness. While the addict garners the majority of
the spotlight in terms of getting the appropriate professional help, the addict
isn’t the only one who will need intervention.
Addiction professionals fully understand
that addiction is a family disease, and the effects addiction has on family members are
significant and can cause severe dysfunction in how a family communicates and
interacts with each other. In order to cope with the unpredictable behaviors
of the addict, each family member will adopt certain maladaptive patterns
of behavior in order to cope with the addict.
While some family members may feel their
actions are done with the best intentions of helping their loved one, the
reality is their actions are only enabling the addict to continue their
destructive behaviors. Additionally, these behaviors will further interfere
with each family member’s ability to lead a healthy and normal life.
The following are the common codependency roles the family will
adopt when dealing with an addicted loved one.
The Addict
The obvious focal point of the family’s
duress when dealing with addiction is the addict him or herself. The addict is
the center of the codependent family, and their needs, wants and desires
becomes the absolute center of the family’s world. As the addict continues
their behavior and takes over the family landscape, the other family members
will unconsciously take on another role (which are listed below) in
an attempt to balance out the problems that the addict is creating. In the
event that the addict seeks professional drug treatment and counseling, getting
the addict the help they need can start the process of getting family members
the help they need in order to free themselves from the roles they are assuming.
The Caretaker
Perhaps the most
recognizable codependency role in a family that is struggling with addiction is
the one of the caretaker. The caretaker is the person that has taken on the
addict’s responsibilities and problems and attempts to keep the family happy
and in balance. The caretaker shield the addict from the consequences of their
addiction and also hides family problems from friends and society. By taking on
the addict’s problems, the caretaker also becomes an enabler and readily offers
solutions to the addict’s problems that don’t include having the addict face
the consequences of their addiction.
The Hero
For the family member who adopts the
codependency role of hero in an addicted family, they feel they need to make
the family look good and are high-achievers. The hero ignores the addiction problem
and present things in a positive manner as if the roles within the family did
not exist. The hero role in an addicted family is commonly assumed by the
oldest child, and they will take on adult roles such as cleaning and cooking.
If the addicted loved one in question is a parent, the hero will take on the
role of caretaker. While the hero seemingly has their act straight, they feel a
tremendous amount of guilt and shame and may develop workaholic tendencies if
they continue to assume this role.
The Scapegoat
In opposition to the hero, the person
who assumes the codependency role of the scapegoat is defiant and attempts to
divert attention away from the family by acting out. Those who assume the
scapegoat role are angry, hostile and are constantly in trouble at work, school
and with the law. Behind the confrontational facade, the scapegoat harbors
feelings of loneliness, anger and emptiness and can often turn to drugs and
alcohol themselves in order to dull the pain they feel.
The Mascot
For the family member who adopts the
mascot role in this dysfunction family situation, they are the family clown who
tries to bring levity and humor in an attempt to draw attention away from
family troubles. The humor that the mascot will use will be immature and harmful,
and it is a direct reflection of the anger and sadness they feel on the inside.
If the mascot continues in their role, they will develop significant issues
in dealing with problems as they mature.
The Lost Child
The lost child is quiet
and reserved, and they will never mention a loved one’s addiction or voice
their feelings about recovery. The way that the lost child deals with a loved
one’s addiction is through withdrawing from the family unit, and they will give
up their self needs. Because the lost child withdraws from the family, they
become forgotten about and they feel tremendous feelings of neglect, loneliness
and eventually anger. If the lost child continues in their role, they will lack
healthy social skills and will experience great difficulty in making and
keeping healthy relationships.
The Importance of Family Therapy in
Breaking the Cycle of Addiction
As stated at the beginning of the
article, addiction is a family issue. In order for the addict to fully recover
from substance abuse, the family must also undergo treatment in order to
address the maladaptive behavior that allowed a loved one’s addiction to grow
and flourish. Family therapy programs helps addicts and the family by
providing much needed education on the disease of addiction, and each family
member can fully understand why the role they assumed contributed to an
addict’s abuse issues as well as their own personal issues.
Through family therapy programs,
experienced therapists can help the family unit develop a strong sense of
support from within, and they can get the tools and support they need to become
empowered in halting the enabling and other maladaptive behaviors and help them
build healthy and positive coping and communication skills. Most importantly,
these family programs help build resilience, and the family learns to
support each other in their own recovery and in turn this provides motivation
for the addict to find the strength to break the cycle of addiction. The family
learns to detach themselves from a loved one’s addiction with love and allows
them to assume responsibility for their own recovery.
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