In the least twelve months I've moved interstate to live with my fiance in Adelaide. Before, CoDA I felt like my character defects were just a natural part of who I was and there was nothing I needed to work on. I grew up in a Christian home and thought I was required to give of myself with nothing in return from others. However, in attending weekly meetings while I was in Melbourne, setting up and becoming the secretary of a new Melbourne group I came to realize that what I knew as my life were character defects. These were neither good or bad, they just were part of who I was.
After going through the 14 Day program with my intial sponsor and working the steps I came to realise that beginning in childhood I had become an expert in pleasing people. My therapist and I often joked about the fact that I was born extremely unwell, I become co dependent on my doctors and nurses, learning how to be quiet so that they would quickly perform their necessary medical procedures on a daily bases. Since being in CoDA I have found a new found self confidence, am able to be assertive when necessary, have recognised when i use passive aggressive control tactics and learnt that it is ok to have my own needs without feeling guilty.
However, my continual struggle today is having co-dependency as a fall back strategy and being married. One point I learn early on in CoDA is that one cannot avoid oneself from relationships, because one cannot afford a relationship with thy self. However, now that I am living with my loyal best friend the continual struggle is to continually use what I have learnt in CoDA and implement it within my current relationship. SOme days are a real struggle especially when I see her in pain and i want to solve her problems. Others are easy and I feel I have every right to leave the home for a few hours to meet my own needs. The mantra One Day At A Time has never been more truer.
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