I always thought I wanted to go into the world of clinical counseling and become a therapist because I’m a “people fixer,” an effective communicator, a natural empath.
What a great way to help people make change! I thought.
If you had not figured out by the first week of graduate school that therapy has absolutely nothing to do with a therapist changing people, but rather client’s who would either like to, or think they would like to, change themselves than you were better off dropping out of the academia which was about to consume your life, emotional and physical well-being and hopefully you would decide to choose a different career path.
As with all things, I soon knew that therapy too is about the process.
One of the beautiful benefits about working with people from all walks of life is that I get to sit with them through their pain, their anguish, their happiness, their celebrations, and their loss. I can choose not to “work” if the client I am working with prefers not to put in the effort, because that is not my job. I’ll repeat:
It is not my job to change people. And, it isn’t yours either.
Through my work I found myself thriving on the acceptance of the individuals who sat across from me. Slowly I would learn that my professional growth further strengthened my personal life, and reinforced that change is best relished by those who choose to take change on—emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.
There is often a perception that therapists get it right, that we have all the answers, and that because we know how to choose diagnostic criteria out of a large book that we are the ones to go to for advice, for a defined diagnosis, or for the answers you’ve sought for years. As therapists we also know how our reputations may precede us and, to put it bluntly, that is bullsh*t.
Many of us who go into this profession recognize that we are unique beings; that we are intuitive, genuine, naturally caring people and that many individuals who go into this profession often do so due to personal experiences with mental illness, a love for their Psych 101 class, or a desire to find a way to be a lifelong student without attending medical school.
Despite the fact there are articles written titled What Does Your Shrink Think? I cannot say that one shrink should speak for all shrinks or that we would even ever think the same thing. Besides protocol, and the importance of consultation within our practices, I can tell you what I believe most anyone working within the therapeutic world would agree on:
We do not have all the answers, but we do have some questions:
Are you willing and ready to work for change?
Most of all, do you want it?
Do not go to your therapist if you want someone to give you answers. Go to your therapist because you are willing and ready to search for answers within yourself. Go for guidance, a gentle challenge, for gain.
Are you resistant to change? It is okay, in our tenderness change is daunting. It is scary and intimidating, it is stressful and overwhelming. Change is work. We can work with resistance, we can work with fear and we can talk about growth and opportunity. The opportunity starts to shimmer and glow as our bodies create imprints in the chairs that we sit on as we are reminded that we are all bit more adaptable and flexible than we may think.
We can see change through anger and sadness, through laughter and tears, through individuals whose bodies shake in uncontrollable anxiety. Because change is ever present and emotional movement is certainly not always a joyful ride to the top.
But a willingness and ability to change may be your greatest, hidden superpower.
I stopped trying to change those around me. I stopped trying to change their uniqueness, their pain and suffering, and rather I supported them through their experiences. I worked less, but appreciated and slept more!
I think my own therapist and mentor said it best: “Every good therapist needs a good therapist.” So every therapist can have the energy to continue to work with those who want to find change. Those who are waiting to discover their greatest superpower.
~
Author: Anna Polovin
No comments:
Post a Comment