“Emotional Sobriety”

The conclusion of CoDA’s Service Concept Seven reads:

“... Since issues over authority, will, money, property, and prestige can and do arise in service work, trusted servants need to practice emotional sobriety, including anonymity, humility, tolerance, gratitude, making amends, and forgiveness.”

Since being in service work in CoDA, I have discovered the need to practice emotional sobriety (emosbr.) This is how I work my recovery from codependence and hope to achieve a new level of maturity. Although I am one of these trusted servants, I am first, a ‘codependent’ in recovery. My recovery is working the 12 & 12 of CoDA, along with all it’s tools trying to overcome my codependency and my other dependencies; they are not exclusive. I now can experience many of our Recovery Patterns and Promises. These Patterns are about becoming more mature and being more emosbr. They are synonymous. At this point I’ve begun to understand and practice: anonymity, humility, tolerance, gratitude, making amends, and forgiveness and everything else that is healthy including my emotional sobriety.

The term ‘emotional sobriety’ was first known to me from reading a particular letter written by the founder of the fellowship that lent us our Steps and Traditions, almost in their entirety. I’d be curious to know how the term made its way into our Concepts. That’s another story, however. The letter, for those unknown to it, describes that author’s ‘dependencies’ and how they were at the ROOT of his own personal recovery. In reading this I had an awakening and was shown a ‘missing link’ in my own recovery. All the dependencies and/or dysfunctions that I inherited including my issue with abandonment was the ROOT cause of my disease. This made me emotionally impaired. All 55 codependent patterns, I believe, are dependencies; the recovery patterns, which we strive for, are a state of ‘emotional sobriety. I feel drawn to put this whole issue in the CoDA spotlight. Ergo, this piece!

Since the letter, I’ve expanded my search for Emosbr (emotional sobriety) everywhere. With a member of CoDA in France where they speak of this at meetings; with a ‘long-distance’ sponsee who is also a member of the same fellowship as the author I referred to earlier; with my service co-sponsor, a member of the CoDA Canada Board of Trustees, who has taught me to be ‘firm on principle and flexible on form’. The one common denominator I’ve found is: “LOOK OUTSIDE THE BOX”. Emosbr can also be found outside the box. No one entity has the answer. It is a lifelong process as is my recovery. It’s scary beyond the box; oh yeah! However, I have become more emotionally sober every day - with my Higher Power’s guidance. Throughout all this, I am a loyal trusted servant and a recovering codependent, one day at a time.

As I finish, I wonder about ‘carrying the message’, our Tradition Five. I need to open my heart and soul and not just my logical mind. I’m discovering more about being true unto myself and let the light shine. This is my e, s, & h as a loyal member of CoDA. This is my humble opinion as a loyal and grateful member of CoDA, one day at a time.