I was mute - emotionally and vocally. My vision was dim and only directly ahead of me. My future stifled by my pained heart, confusion and anxiety. Always apologizing for who I was, what I thought and why I asked.
Who am I without the overbearing tone glaring into my soul? Where was my ‘self’? My whole self?
Where was the sky and limitless opportunities? My brain and heart were on ‘pause’ and paranoia was my stalker. I was bogged down in fear and shame. It was tied up in the gnarly knot of someone else's demands, expectations, insanity and idea of who and what I was. My personality didn’t exist unless it was to fit someone’s needs on a moments notice. That loud critical voice with it’s hands on it’s hips and furrowed brow. Ridicule paralyzed my thoughts.
By myself felt loathsome. Who I was became confusing.
CoDA tells me - I’m exactly who I am, and who I want to be! I’m free here - I’m alive and the knot is a simple bow. I feel courageous, delighted, exuberant and curious without apology of who I truly am - with God as my guide. My life is full and love is my fuel.
No one else to fear or to cause me shame, guilt or to silence me or my dreams. A question is now a question, and not an assault.
I am precious and my voice is clear and my conscience is clean. My heart is full and light. The sky and my surroundings are filled with brilliant color and my future is limitless with gorgeous possibilities. I am accepted and nurtured with no apologies of who I am. I am back and I am blessed.
MK – 8/1/17
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