Amends

I have heard people in the program complain about others owing them amends. When the other person admitted their wrong doing and vowed to change the amends were not accepted because they didn’t say they were sorry.

Is saying, "I’m sorry" an amends? Or is there a lot more to it.

Webster’s definition for Amend (on the internet); 1: To put right 2a: to change or modify for the better 2b: to alter, to reform oneself Synonym – correct

My first sponsor told me it was not important whether the person I was making an amends to accepts them or not. What was important was that I made them. Making amends is about cleaning up my own side of the street. It is not about getting anyone to like me. It is about becoming responsible for my behavior. It is about cleaning up the messes I have made to the best of my ability. I need to state my boundaries and hold them, not try to run someone else’s program. Whether someone else makes amends to me or not is their business not mine. I need to focus on myself and my recovery, not on what I think someone else should do.


 R.M. (1998)