Long weekends are very hard. I feel the resistance to going to
that family function that I hate - the one that is always the same and where I
have to fit myself into a role that fits somebody else's expectation or the
successful one that I had imagined myself to be in. How do others cope with the
pain that I feel? Are others "normal" and I'm the weird one? Is this
just my issue? I also feel that crush of being alone, especially as I age and
the thoughts that I am growing old alone, decrepit, unwanted and forgotten. The
thoughts spiral as I sit in front of this computer. Can I last through the
weekend? Should I reach out and call others who are just as miserable and alone
and then at least we can be miserable together. Of course, there is my old
friend, the bottle or the pill or just falling asleep until the alarm goes off.
Let me check my watch again. Hmmm, ok how about I read this
daily meditation book that I bought that is sitting on my shelf. What will it
say - "In this moment, I speak up for myself. I no longer fear speaking my
mind or telling others when I feel uncomfortable.” Wow!! That's exactly what I
need to do. Be authentic! Speak my piece! Maybe even speak my truth to myself
for once. Thanks, and I am responsible for my own validation!
David N – 4/1/18
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