The Loss of Higher Power.
When I
came to CoDA I had an unspoken struggle with Higher Power.
I lost
Higher Power and it was the biggest loss of myself in life.
Eventually
I decided to pretend I believed in Higher Power, because I needed hope.
I used
to love the Silence. I would set my alarm for 3 am, get up, get on my prayer
stool, and meditate.
Afterwards
writing would pour out of me.
Discipline
of the heart does not allow for electronic distraction.
Recently
I stayed with someone who was addicted to watching movies; I was, too.
Together
we decided to set our alarms, get up before dawn, and meditate.
We
decided we would make electronic silence in our lives.
Her
house was filled with her symbols of her Higher Power, so I made do. I folded
my hands, got on my knees, amid her symbols, and adored my lost Higher Power
who was so different from hers.
She told
me to concentrate on my breathing; I think it was something I had forgotten to
do, and as I remembered that, Silence came into my heart.
Higher
Power had not lost me. I had lost myself.
All I
needed to do was to be still and listen to the Silence.
Finally
I can say I accept—maybe even love—Step Three.
Maria S –
11/1/18
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