People want to see only the shiny,
pretty, admirable parts of me.
As if I was a precious diamond
to be polished all the time.
But I am not.
They want to see the flawless me,
the skilled one
the talented one,
the artist,
the pretty face
with the deep thoughts
at all times.
People want to see
only the grace
and the light in me.
They want to see only the love.
But I am not only that.
I can also be ugly—
a pervert in my mind,
unashamed of my sexual fantasies.
I can be arrogant too,
sometimes unkind,
so boldly sarcastic that it hurts to the bone.
I can be bitter,
unstable,
stubborn,
angry,
raging with the flames
of my inner beast—
it might even make you run away.
I can be tempting and mouthwatering.
I can be sexual and erotic
in a pleasant or an uncomfortable way.
I can also be as soft and white as cotton.
I can be mature
and aggressively immature at the same time.
I can be loud and silent.
But people want me to be
this way or the other way.
And I am not that.
Or not only that.
I am both.
I am masculine and feminine.
I am strong and weak.
I am a beast and utterly vulnerable.
I am an introvert and an extrovert.
I am both darkness and light.
You can’t split me.
For I came to this Earth
to be whole.
I want to be both
for that’s the only way for me to be
fully integrated in my bones, flesh, and DNA.
It’s my way of life—
to accept and embrace both sides of
my psyche.
I want to be one within me.
This is why I came here.
To experience and experiment
one more time
with my ancient body,
my old soul,
and my young heart.
I came here to let go
of my ideas and beliefs,
the ones that will never define my wild spirit.
I came here to be wild and soft,
light and dark.
I came here to be me.
~
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