Trust is one of the most important factors of a healthy and happy relationship.
Unfortunately, not all of us have it. Our past experiences highly dictate the kind of person we become.
Have we been disappointed or hurt? Have we put our trust in someone and they broke it? Has reality crashed our high expectations of people?
All that we have been through and all that we have felt contribute to how much we trust our partner. Hurt doesn’t necessarily have to come from our current one. They can serve as a vessel in which we unconsciously pour our distrust and past disappointments. We walk in caution, constantly making sure they don’t inflict on us the same old pain.
It’s even harder when our current partner is the direct reason for our suspicion and doubt. It’s painful for both parties, especially if they choose to stay together after an act of betrayal.
Regardless the motive of distrust, the relationship is put at stake. Without an adequate amount of comfort and safety between two people, their partnership will always be wounded.
Helping our partner to rebuild trust is undoubtedly arduous. It might not be our responsibility or problem, but it’s definitely an act of love and kindness. The journey might require a sufficient amount of work and effort, but it will certainly provoke a good change.
Below are five ways that can help rebuild our partner’s trust:
Willingness.
Before taking any steps to help our partner, we should ask ourselves if we’re really willing. I might be stating the obvious here, but it’s quite an essential point to dictate the level of our enthusiasm. A partner who’s not entirely eager to build trust might cause damage more than good. That said, for our actions and attitude to be thoughtful, we must be willing to stick by our partner on this journey.
Patience.
Rebuilding trust doesn’t happen in a day or two—it might not even happen in a year or two. Think of your partner’s trauma as a third-degree burn that could leave a scar for years. That said, to eradicate our partner’s doubts, we must be patient with them. They might not be swiftly responsive; they could stand up and fall again a hundred times, but remember that emotional healing needs time.
Understanding.
Oftentimes, we lack understanding when it comes to our partner’s experiences. It’s natural. We hardly understand our own, how about others’?
Nevertheless, if we want to rebuild trust, we must, at least, have an idea about what they went through. Check what happened and how they feel about it so you can comprehend the depth of their suspicion today. This way, we won’t judge our partner or ask them to be okay when they obviously aren’t.
Better than love, we all want to be understood.
Healthy communication.
When an issue arises because of mistrust, how are you communicating it? Are you giving your partner a hard time for not trusting you? Are you calling them paranoid or crazy? Are you asking them to deal with it alone because it’s their problem?
How we communicate with our partner in such times plays a great role in their already existent trauma. Defensiveness only strengthens their mistrust.
If we’re keen to help them heal, we should be gentle in our way of communication. Try to learn from them what caused their distress. Ask how you can help and implement a way together to avoid the issue in the future.
Taking right action.
We must realize that we’re an immense contribution to our partner’s sense of safety. Trust is earned; we all know this.
Do your actions contradict your willingness to help your partner rebuild trust? We might help in one way, then confuse them in another.
Make sure that your actions speak loud enough that your partner instantly feels secure around you. We can be their source of comfort instead of their source of confusion in various ways.
Is there something in particular that makes them doubt you? Be sure to come clean and eliminate all the reasons that cause your partner insecurity.
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AUTHOR: ELYANE YOUSSEF
IMAGE: JONATHAN BORBA / UNSPLASH
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