I started my Friday morning with a 7 a.m. phone call from my best friend.
It is the only friendship that extends all the way back to middle school, and through some miracle she has loved me through it all—from my high ponytail stage to business crises.
Our talks feel like an extension of the discussions I have with myself, and the raw, honest, salt-of-the-earth truth that growth requires and our soul instinctively craves always tends to transpire from our life chats.
We are as well-versed in the other’s dreams as we are our own, and it is in this unfiltered, judgment-free, safe space that we often discover the lessons life is trying to teach us without feeling like we need to carry the weight of these teachings alone.
As I was unpacking everything this month has brought up, both in my business and in my relationships, my eyes widened at the lesson that has been before me this entire season:
“Not right now” is a fully sufficient, stand-alone answer.
The world is loud, fast, and expects desires to be met immediately, making quality the copilot to impulse.
When we allow impulse access to our control panels, we begin feeling like we are running a race with no finish line.
I am in a season, both personally and professionally, that is full of variables and timelines that sit outside of my realm of control.
This space of zero guarantee, yet expansive possibility, is uncharted water for me, and as hesitant as my type-A personality is to admit this: I’m slowly falling for this new way of operating.
My business has needed some serious lovin’ since I took ownership a year ago.
It demanded emotional investment, presence, and a commitment to not know yet.
I would be doing you a disservice to allow you to believe that this is exactly what I have done.
There has been an abundance of anxiety, stress, and overanalyzing that has come in tandem with adopting a mindset that understands stress and presence are unable to coexist.
We have had slow days, a plethora of growing pains, and I have struggled to free space in my mind that sees the beauty of allowing it to unfold in a natural, loving way.
I have a tendency to try and force visions into existence, push a little too hard, and cry a little too often.
I feel all the feels, and I feel them often.
I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I approach my love life the same way.
I spent my adolescence wanting boys to want me.
I would worry about my outfit choice, overanalyze my text message responses, hold back how I really felt about something to fit the mold of what was popular, and allow my insecurities to manifest themselves in a way that begged for reassurance.
I never asked myself what I wanted; I chased what I thought I needed.
My mind was on autopilot to meet a guy and galavant through the milestones with little concern for my own growth and the importance of finding healthy love instead of just reciprocal love.
I was living by the world’s timeline instead of having the courage to trust my heart.
I have loud, passionate dreams for my life.
A flourishing business that provides consistent security and dependable growth, never sacrificing the passion that my young soul possesses in this exact moment.
A relationship that feels like home, yet pushes me to grow simultaneously.
A marriage that gives me the family my heart is certain of.
An intimacy that holds my heart just as intentionally and delicately as I hold theirs.
A man who shows up for my future children and for me in a way that gently reminds me why I was asked to be patient.
To relinquish my timeline.
I want to be madly, completely, wildly in love when I am 75 and counting.
I believe with my whole heart that dreams are as vital as breathing in this world, but I also know that our desire to plan tomorrow robs us of our joy today.
These dreams and desires are knocking on my heart for a reason, and it is human nature to react to impulse, to make the easy decision to settle in the hopes that it will grow into what we are praying for.
We sacrifice the amazing for the available because the spacious place of “unknown” terrifies us.
Our spirits beg that we make a different choice.
That we awaken to the teachings of patience, lean into the blessings that are meant to span through every season, and trust that what is meant to be will operate with ease and flow, as long as we have the courage to continue showing up.
The future holds magic, but so does the present—and choosing to allow “not right now” to be your answer for your future desires is a simple yet profound way to ensure that you don’t waste every season awaiting the next.
Here’s to falling wildly, madly, passionately in love with the process of becoming all that we’ve always been.
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AUTHOR: JENNA IRVIN
IMAGE: @GIULIAJROSA / INSTAGRAM
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