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Fully experiencing our own hurt is the gateway to compassion toward other human beings. Every day we hear stories of personal suffering and loss that
far exceed our own. When we compare our situations to those of people living
in war-torn countries or those who have lost their homes and livelihoods to
natural disasters, it is tempting to minimize our own experiences of
suffering. We may feel that we don't have a right to be upset about the
breakup of a relationship, for example, because at least we have food to eat
and a roof over our heads. While awareness of the pain of others in the world can be a valuable way to
keep our own struggles in perspective, it is not a legitimate reason to
disregard our own pain. Disparaging your feelings as being less important
than other people's emotions leads to denial and repression. Over time, an
unwillingness to experience your own feelings leads to numbness. It is as if
our internal systems become clogged with our unexpressed emotions. This in no
way helps other people who are suffering in the world. In fact, it may do
just the opposite because when we devalue our own sorrow, we become
impervious to the sorrow in others.
Fully experiencing our own hurt is the gateway to compassion toward other
human beings. Feelings of loss, abandonment, loneliness, and fear are
universal, and, in that sense, all feelings are created equal. Regardless of
what leads us to feel the way we do, our comprehension of what it means to be
human is deepened by our own experiences. Our personal lives provide us with
the material we need to become fully conscious. If we reject our emotions
because we think our experiences are not dramatic or important enough, we are
missing out on our own humanity. We honor and value the human condition when
we fully inhabit our bodies so we can experience and feel life fully.
Accepting our emotions and allowing ourselves to feel them connects us to all
human beings. Then, when we hear the stories of other people's suffering, our
hearts can resonate with understanding and compassion -- for all of us.
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