|
In order to forgive, we need to stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was caused to us. When someone has hurt us, consciously or unconsciously, one of
the most difficult things we have to face in resolving the situation is the
act of forgiveness. Sometimes it feels like it's easier not to forgive and
that the answer is to simply cut the person in question out of our lives. In
some cases, ending the relationship may be the right thing to do, but even in
that case, we will only be free if we have truly forgiven. If we harbor
bitterness in our hearts against anyone, we only hurt ourselves because we
are the ones harboring the bitterness. Choosing to forgive is choosing to
alleviate ourselves of that burden, choosing to be free of the past, and
choosing not to perceive ourselves as victims. One of the reasons that forgiveness can be so challenging is that we feel we
are condoning the actions of the person who caused our suffering, but this is
a misunderstanding of what is required. In order to forgive, we simply need
to get to a place where we are ready to stop identifying ourselves with the
suffering that was caused us. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves,
and our forgiveness of others is an extension of our readiness to let go of
our own pain. Getting to this point begins with fully accepting what has
happened. Through this acceptance, we allow ourselves to feel and process our
emotions.
It can be helpful to articulate our feelings in writing over a period of days
or even weeks. As we allow ourselves to say what we need to say and ask for
what we need to heal, we will find that this changes each day. It may be
confusing, but it is a sign of progress. At times we may feel as if we are
slogging uphill through dense mud and thick trees, getting nowhere. If we
keep going, however, we will reach a summit and see clearly that we are
finally free of the past. From here, we recognize that suffering comes from
suffering, and compassion for those who have hurt us naturally arises,
enhancing our new perspective.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment