Every day, we have a choice.
For so long, I lived in a fantasy that existed only in my head.
Each dysfunctional, emotionally unavailable, troubled, and avoidant man brought me the same fantasy. The more troubled, avoidant, and addicted the man, the stronger and more realistic my fantasy became.
Love. It’s what we are all searching for, right?
It’s what we are told we need to feel complete and whole. We search for it, believe it exists, and focus solely on finding it. All while we are neglecting ourselves and becoming “love avoidants” to ourselves.
When we neglect ourselves and solely look for someone to complete us, we become addicted and obsessed; we feel we are incomplete without that person. The one we are so deeply searching for. We lose all perspective, and, most of all, we lose ourselves.
If we don’t know who we are, how can someone love us?
The work I have been doing has been simply incredible. We have been focusing on removing the fantasy, living in reality, and focusing on the inner self by doing “soul work.” Yes, it’s incredibly painful, daunting, and impossible, but amazing at the same time.
Shifting our perspective changes everything. How we see the world, a problem, or any situation, has a direct impact on how we approach it.
Let’s ask ourselves: “How do I show up in the world?”
Personally, I showed up negatively, pissed off, traumatized, and entitled.
For some reason, I felt that, because I was not given the childhood I deserved, I had the right to lug all my baggage around with a sense of entitlement because I was wronged.
Newsflash: that is bullsh*t!
We all have a choice. We all the ability to be anything—to choose. We can choose to let our past own us and carry the baggage around like a 50-lb weight, or we can choose to face it and move forward in a healthy direction.
After 47 long-ass years of being me, I chose to face it. And, yes, it sucks, as I said. But it really has been magical, and the outcome is something I cannot even begin to describe.
Here is the thing, every single day, I make a choice to commit to the work.
Every day, I choose to work on my sh*t; I choose to forgive; I choose to shift my perspective.
And every single day, I choose love.
I choose to love myself for just being.
I choose to love my kids for just being.
I choose to love my life because it’s the only one I have.
I choose to love my parents.
I choose to love those who don’t love me back because it doesn’t have to be reciprocal.
I choose to love the world around me, even though it feels like it’s falling apart.
The point is, we have a choice.
So, I decided to drop the baggage off.
I am letting go of my anger and entitlement. Forgiveness has been the power that I have held all along—that has freed me of all my fears.
Packed away in that baggage were all my traumas, my fears, my anger, abandonment, hurt, and sadness.
I had been carrying it around since I was a small child, all the way up until a few months ago. It weighed me down, held me back, but also, and oddly enough, protected me. (My survival skills were also packed away in that baggage.)
It made me who I am today. Strong, independent, successful, and courageous.
But I am told I don’t need those survival skills anymore. Now, dropping my baggage off means letting go of my survival skills—my emotional crutches.
At first, it seemed scary, but today it feels empowering.
How I got here:
>> I built my self-worth.
>> I felt true gratitude.
>> I focused on my femininity.
>> I let go of the need to hold on.
>> I created a support system that held me accountable.
>> I loved, held, and listened to my inner child.
>> I forgave.
It is possible to choose health if you are ready to let go of your baggage.
AUTHOR: AVESHA PARKER
IMAGE: MATHEUS BERTELLI/PEXELS
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