4 Ways To Flush Out A Narcissist Before You Get Hooked

 Today is an AWESOME day, because I am going to share with you the 4 most powerful ways to flush out a narcissist before you get hooked.

I really, really … (did I say “really” enough) want you to know that it is NOT true that a narcissist can just hook in anyone.

I know a lot of people will tell you this is the case, but it certainly isn’t!

These same people will tell you that learning everything about narcissists is your only defence against them. Yet, if this is the truth then why don’t these so-called “expert researchers of narcissists” get free of narcissists?

My observation is that they just don’t (I also know because I used to be one of them) and even more so I would say that these people don’t go on to have free, exuberant, expanded Thriving lives.

Why not?

Because amongst trying to work out narcissists, they didn’t work out themselves – meaning heal, up-level or become empowered to become impervious to them.

Let’s look at exactly what that means by exploring the first way to flush out a narcissist before you get hooked.

 

Number 1 – Be Your Own Saviour

I want you to imagine this …

Catherine went through a terrible divorce after discovering her husband had been having an affair with his secretary for years. It’s now two years after he moved in with the much younger lover, and Catherine has only just started to feel remotely human again. She is out on a date.

Catherine is sitting across the table from George. He is charismatic and appears to be caring. It surprises Catherine that she is feeling pleasantly attracted to him.

When George asks her about her previous relationship, Catherine replies how much it hurt her and how painful it is that her children stay over with her husband and the younger woman.

George leans across the table holds Catherine’s hands in his, looks her straight in the eyes and says, “I can’t imagine how he could do that to you. I’ve never played up on anyone. I believe on working on a relationship before ever considering someone else. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

Catherine’s eyes and Soul light up. She thinks, “This is the man I’ve been waiting for. I can be safe with him.”

Six months later Catherine finds herself enmeshed in the worst relationship of her life. Not only was George just as adulterous as her ex, he was also verbally vicious and mentally torturous.

Yes, George was a pathological high-level narcissist.

(Ouch!)

Okay … Let’s now look at Min. Her husband was having an affair behind her back with her best friend. When Min discovered this and he left, she thought she was going to die because the pain of the double-betrayal was so horrific.

Min, fortunately found my Thriver Recovery work, started working with NARP (The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program) and got to work on meeting and healing her inner wounds. She released tons of trauma to do with her childhood, her mother’s limiting beliefs about men, of course her husband’s and best friend’s betrayal and the reasons why she had been shrinking, handing power away and not been able to value and honour herself in her relationships.

Eighteen months later Min started dating. She was having a ball! Truly Thriving, she was in no rush to meet Mr. Right and knew she was learning, growing and exercising her boundary and self-awareness muscles whilst going out on dates.

Min found herself on a date with Greg. He was charming, seemed intently interested in her and asked about her previous relationship.

She factually stated what had happened (yet it felt like she was talking about someone else now because all the triggers and inner wounds were gone), and then said, “I am so grateful this happened. Because I finally turned inwards to work on me. I am the most solid, confident and true to myself that I ever have been. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I know who I am, I love my life and I am so content to wait till I meet someone who matches my values.”

Greg looked at her. He seemed to be doing a double-take. He blinked, looked down at his plate and looked back up and stammered, “I love personal development too. I have worked on myself as well.”

Min asked, “What have you studied, done or read?”

Greg awkwardly answered, “Oh it’s been a while. Many things …”

The date didn’t last much longer and Greg was not in any hurry to pursue Min any further.

Why not? Because he was doing what all narcissists do – looking for what is “missing”, “hurting” or “craved” and pretending to be these things.

Min was far too WHOLE for him to infiltrate. He could not pretend to save her in order to hook her, she had already saved herself!

He knew it and she knew it. Min was so excited walking to the car KNOWING exactly what had just played out. Great people love whole people. Narcissists don’t, they go for the wounded gazelle at the edge of the pack – empty, lonely and vulnerable – because then they can hook them in and start feeding off them – and they are powerless to leave.

What a graduation! Min’s dates got better and better!

 

Number Two – Grow And Hold Your Power

You really need to GET this … As an adult if you are too easily led, too busy, lazy, daunted, inept or “childish” to step up for yourself, then you run a BIG risk of some opportunistic charlatan stepping in to take you and your life over.

Let me explain with this story.

Bill was a brilliant computer whiz. He could fix ANYONE’S computer.

Everyone loved Bill, he was popular, funny and soooo good with computers. He rented a little shop and pretty soon had more customers than he could handle. The money was pouring in!

Bill’s issue was this – he hated bookkeeping, money management and business procedures. So, Bill posted an ad and Jenny turned up for an interview. She was intelligent and articulate and sold to him her experience, expertise and credentials.

Bill couldn’t quite put his finger on it but something about Jenny felt a little weird. Yet he needed someone quickly, so he brought her on to work with him.

Soon after Jenny suggested access to accounts and banking so that she could manage everything for him whilst he started hiring more staff for his growing business.

Three weeks later Jenny disappeared with all of Bill’s business nest egg. He discovered later Jenny wasn’t her real name and she was a professional con artist.

Bill, who had taken out a second mortgage to get his business going, was financially devastated.

FAR out!

Now … let’s examine Max. He started a landscape business, paid for a wonderful website and won contracts with large building companies. His business was off to a powerful start.

As a hands-on guy, training a young team for big volume projects, Max did not have time to run the business side of things.

He talked to his accountant to get advice. His accountant suggested Max learn about the running of the business operation, and what would be necessary so that he could oversee it.

Max worked very hard after hours to familiarise himself with all he needed to learn and worked on improving his business and computer skills.

Max then went through respected agencies to get two office staff, wrote very tight and safe contracts with them, spent a great deal of time to train them the way he wished them to operate, had checks and balances in place, and retained control of all the accounts, with his accountant’s help.

Max’s efforts, diligence and desire to grow himself and learn, meant that his business flourished. It steadily built with healthy and safe foundations.

Touché!

 

Number Three – Expand From Scarcity Into Plenty

This way to flush out a narcissist before you are hooked, is SO to do with your belief in a Higher Power and your creative connection to this Higher Power.

(This is why I LOVE so much that NARP works directly with releasing every part of you that has been painfully programmed or believes in limitations of self and life, and re-programs this with Source/Your Higher Limitless Power).

When you know “there is more than this to come”, you don’t have to accept the “crumbs” of life anymore.

If working on your wholeness, and the alignment with YOUR truth – knowing “what you accept is what you will get”, and that Source/God/Your Higher Power will flourish and nourish you if you “are” what you “seek”, then you CAN “be” it, and it “comes”.

(The true meaning of be-come.)

Let’s check out these following two examples …

Cindy had moved states to get away from her narcissistic family. She didn’t know anyone and felt terribly lonely and depressed.

One day at the local store Cindy met Jeanine. Jeanine took a shine to her, they got chatting and went for coffee.

Cindy couldn’t get a word in edgeways. Jeanine would cut her off, and bring every conversation back to talk all about her own life.

Cindy felt her Life Force drain out of her, but she mused, “I don’t know anyone here, I really don’t have any other friend options right now. This is better than nothing. Plus she is very funny!”

They started meeting and getting together a lot, and became besties.

Jeanine usually expected Cindy to pay for whatever they got up to, used her as an emotional dump master whenever it suited her and was nowhere to be seen or found when Cindy wanted some connection or support from her.

Eventually when Cindy stood up to Jeanine’s horrible treatment, Jeanine smeared her to people in the town and turned many people against her. Cindy was traumatised and shell shocked and again moved away to escape yet another severe narcissistic abuse situation.

(See how these patterns keep coming?)

Then there was Marianne … She had moved to a new state, and was starting her life again. Marianne was working diligently on herself with NARP and loving waking up every morning, feeling the relief of peace, with sunlight streaming through her bedroom window.

She adored setting up a beautiful home with plants and decorations, was taking long healing walks in the woods, cooking herself delicious, nutritious meals and was settling into her new job that she had been transferred to.

Marianne was invited out socially with her staff members. That night felt really funky. They were too young and not her sort of people. Marianne had a little too much to drink, and the next morning woke up feeling emotionally wobbly.

“They are lovely to work with but not my thing socially,” she thought.

Marianne started investigating different groups that represented her interests, and took her time to get to know people who complemented her own character and values. Despite being in no rush, she effortlessly started creating new fulfilling friendship circles with good, solid people.

 

Number Four – Move From Fear Into Power

If you are still people pleasing and frightened to hurt someone’s feelings, then you are susceptible to narcissists. They push boundaries. They look for gaps. They exploit people for their own selfish agendas, without care or responsibility for the destruction that this creates.

Shane had just started dating Amanda when her car stopped working.

Amanda asked Shane to lend her some money so that she could buy a friend’s car. Shane wondered why she didn’t have any money, or why she couldn’t ask her family. But he didn’t want to pry into her personal business, so he gave her the money.

Amanda was having arguments with her flatmate, whom she insisted was unstable and scary. She asked if she could move in with Shane. It all felt far too soon, but again he didn’t want to hurt her feelings or risk possibly losing her, so he agreed to let her move in.

Money contributions were never discussed and Amanda never offered any.

Amanda was always in financial difficulties. Shane kept helping her out.

The story didn’t end well for Shane – Amanda sucked his resources dry, devastated him emotionally then ditched him for another guy.

Thank goodness Shane after his horrible experience with Amanda faced his inner wounds in regard to NOT speaking up and honouring himself. It was because of his narcissistic mother, who was always ill, unavailable, and demanding and nothing he could ever give her – including oodles of money to support her and her gambling issues – could earn her love.

Shane, as a result of working on himself with NARP, learned to trust his gut, have difficult conversations and lay boundaries. He went from being the guy that people would use and abuse to being a nice generous man with healthy boundaries, without guilt.

The next woman he met, after this inner work, was another woman expecting anything and everything on offer. This time Shane honoured how this felt “off”, spoke up and expressed what he was and wasn’t comfortable with. She took offence, got nasty and wasn’t at all gracious.

Shane was SO happy – because he knew he flushed her out, she exposed her true colours, and reacted because she couldn’t get what she wanted – narcissistic entitlement.

He stopped seeing her and dodged a bullet.

Not long after that Shane met a lovely lady with a heart as kind and generous as his, and fell in love and started to experience a true, non-narcissistic fulfilling relationship.

(I LOVE happy healing endings!)

 

In Conclusion

I hope that you deeply understand that the common denominator in all of this is YOU.

US.

OURSELVES.

This is the thing – narcissists don’t come into our life wearing t-shirts advertising “WARNING I am a narcissist.”

Rather they hide in plain sight, looking all shiny and nice, whilst sniffing out people’s unhealed parts, gaps, insecurities, and fragilities, and then PRETEND to be the ANSWER to these unhealed parts, gaps, insecurities and frailties.

Or … in some cases … if the narcissist is not particularly skilled at this we may even come up with some magical, romantic or unrealistic projection CONVINCING ourselves that they are the answer to our unhealed parts, gaps, insecurities or frailties.

Put your hand up if you ever did this!

Here is my heartfelt, honest confession …

I DID!!!

My gaps used to be many. I didn’t believe I was good enough – capable enough – strong enough … and I believed that THEY were!”

Thank goodness I don’t think this anymore. Thank goodness I now have all of this as my own SELF.

Thank goodness I can also help you get out of the ridiculous belief that researching and learning all about narcissists protects you from them.

I hope you now get how THAT does not heal and shore up the way they GET IN!

This is spoken to you by all the people who haven’t yet done deep and true inner work on themselves! (Because I can assure you if they had they wouldn’t even say it!)

Your true protection against a narcissist is to HEAL yourself. Then you have established wholeness and self-respect.

You won’t be needy and empty.

You won’t require a saviour and you won’t be reckless in trying to secure one.

You will be firmly in your body as a healing, developing adult trusting and empowering yourself and growing and claiming your True Life and True Self.

Then just as with the heroes and heroines in these stories – narcissists don’t stand a chance. They get flushed out SOOOOO easily!