Fully experiencing our own hurt is the
gateway to compassion toward other human beings. Every day we hear stories of personal
suffering and loss that far exceed our own. When we compare our situations to
those of people living in war-torn countries or those who have lost their
homes and livelihoods to natural disasters, it is tempting to minimize our
own experiences of suffering. We may feel that we don’t have a right to be
upset about the breakup of a relationship, for example, because at least we
have food to eat and a roof over our heads. While awareness of the pain of others in
the world can be a valuable way to keep our own struggles in perspective, it
is not a legitimate reason to disregard our own pain. Disparaging your
feelings as being less important than other people's emotions leads
to denial and repression. Over time, an unwillingness to experience your own
feelings leads to numbness. It is as if our internal systems become clogged
with our unexpressed emotions. This in no way helps other people who are
suffering in the world. In fact, it may do just the opposite because when we
devalue our own sorrow, we become impervious to the sorrow in others. Fully experiencing our own hurt is the
gateway to compassion toward other human beings. Feelings of loss,
abandonment, loneliness, and fear are universal, and, in that sense, all
feelings are created equal. Regardless of what leads us to feel the way we do,
our comprehension of what it means to be human is deepened by our own
experiences. Our personal lives provide us with the material we need to
become fully conscious. If we reject our emotions because we think our
experiences are not dramatic or important enough, we are missing out on our
own humanity. We honor and value the human condition when we fully inhabit
our bodies so we can experience and feel life fully. Accepting our emotions
and allowing ourselves to feel them connects us to all human beings. Then,
when we hear the stories of other people’s suffering, our hearts can resonate
with understanding and compassion — for all of us. |
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