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Most of us have encountered a person in
our lives who can accurately be referred to as a know-it-all. This person
seems to know everything about anything that gets brought up and tends to
dominate the conversation. They don’t take well to being questioned, and
they have a hard time ever admitting that they were wrong.
Being around a know-it-all is
inevitably tiring because there is no shared energy between the two of
you. Rather, you become an audience member to this person’s need to be
the center of attention. Attention and respect are probably the two
things this person most longs for, and at some point in their lives, they
learned that knowing it all was the way to get those needs met. Over
time, they have become stuck in this pattern, regardless of the fact that
it is no longer working. They may feel afraid of the experience of
listening, being receptive, or learning something new because it’s so
unfamiliar.
On the one hand, when we see the
childlike need underneath the know-it-all’s mask of confidence, we feel
compassion for the person, and we may tolerate their one-sided approach
to conversation out of a desire not to hurt their feelings. On the other
hand, we may feel drained and tempted to avoid this person altogether. In
the middle of these two possible ways of feeling, we may actually like
this person and wish for a closer relationship. If we come from a place
of kindness, we might attempt to bridge the gap that this person’s
habitual way of relating creates. Simply expressing a desire to be closer
may open their heart, and give you a chance to ask for what you need in
the relationship — a chance to contribute.
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