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As a mother to a son, I’ve spent the last few months grappling with what it means to raise him in a world where traditional ideas of masculinity are shifting.
At his age, he’s beginning to discover who he is and how he fits into the world—and, if I’m being honest, it’s been a challenge to help him feel empowered without reinforcing outdated norms.
For years, masculinity has been defined by certain qualities: strength, stoicism, independence. These ideals, often rooted in a one-dimensional view of what it means to be a man, have been passed down for generations.
But as society moves forward, the question remains: What does it really mean to be a man today?
The Confusion Around Masculinity
For many years, the concept of masculinity was simple and clear. Men were supposed to be strong, unemotional, and tough—warriors who never showed weakness. These stereotypes, rooted in societal structures and media portrayals, became the gold standard. But as outdated models are challenged, many men (and women) are left feeling uncertain. What does it mean to be a man now?
This confusion has affected men of all ages, but it’s especially hard to watch my son during such a big shift in our society. I see him caught between these old ideals of masculinity and the new, more fluid understanding of what it means to be human. I see my son wrestle with these ideas as he navigates his own peer group where there are constant expectations about how he should act as a “man.” He struggles with questions like, How can I be myself without feeling like I have to hide who I really am? His peers often define strength in narrow ways—sometimes through silence, aggression, or emotional detachment.
Everywhere I turn, there’s this prevailing notion that being a man is about dominance and control—whether through aggression, competition, or asserting power over others. I recognize that this may be an oversimplification, but I understand that we all have a natural need to channel aggression in some form. The challenge is that, in today’s world, men no longer have the traditional outlets they once did, like going to war or engaging in physical conflict.
As I watch my son grow, I’m conscious of the need to help him find healthier ways to channel his energy and assertiveness—ways that don’t involve dominating or controlling others. I don’t want him to feel that in order to be a man, he has to prove his strength by overpowering someone or something.
I want him to understand that masculinity is about owning his power but not at the expense of others. Instead of channeling aggression into dominance, I hope he channels it into self-regulation, emotional growth, and showing compassion and understanding—demonstrating that being a man is as much about emotional bravery as it is about physical strength.
I see it’s been hard for him to reconcile these expectations with the more integrated, emotional version of masculinity I’m encouraging him to embrace. But this process of questioning and exploring these ideas is part of his journey toward finding his authentic self rather than just fitting into a mold defined by others.
And I’m sure it’s not just him—many men today are facing this dilemma as well. They’re probably feeling uncertain of how to express themselves authentically, fearing they’ll fall into outdated stereotypes or be perceived as weak. This lack of clarity can leave men feeling lost—unsure of which direction to take and confused about how they fit into society.
A New Kind of Courage
One answer, I believe, is in rethinking what courage truly means. Historically, courage was associated with the battlefield—physical strength, toughness, and the ability to fight. But there’s another kind of courage that is equally important: the courage to be vulnerable, to feel deeply, to show up as your authentic self, and to confront your fears without retreating into isolation.
For many men, vulnerability has been seen as the opposite of strength. But what if we reframed vulnerability as courage? What if being emotionally open was just as courageous as physical bravery? This is the kind of courage we need to embrace—not one that denies our feelings but one that empowers us to face them head-on.
Role Models Who Show the Way
A big part of this shift lies in the role models we choose to follow. When we look for examples of strength, we need to find those who don’t just embody traditional ideals of toughness but who show that emotional bravery is an essential part of true strength.
One of the most helpful perspectives I’ve come across comes from Annie Lalla, a coach and relationship expert. She recognizes that men often don’t connect with the word “vulnerability.” Instead, she introduces terms like “valor” and “courage,” words that resonate with men’s desire to feel strong and capable, while also embracing emotional depth. For my son, hearing this language is an important step in helping him understand that vulnerability isn’t a weakness—it’s an act of courage.
By introducing new language, we allow men to embrace their emotional authenticity without feeling ashamed or weak. Valor and courage become gateways to exploring emotional depth in a way that feels true to their sense of strength.
The Power of Emotional Courage
As society challenges old, rigid definitions of masculinity, there’s often a backlash from those who believe men are becoming “weaker” or “feminized.” This belief is rooted in the fear that embracing emotional honesty, vulnerability, and openness will undermine traditional ideals of strength.
Rather than weakening men, the shift toward a more emotionally integrated masculinity actually empowers them. Emotional courage—the ability to face one’s fears, express vulnerability, and lead with empathy—is not a sign of weakness; it’s an act of bravery. A crucial element of this courage is emotional regulation—the ability to manage and understand one’s emotions, without letting them control us or dictate our actions. This skill allows men to embrace vulnerability with clarity and confidence, enabling them to lead themselves and others with wisdom, rather than impulse.
When we reframe emotional honesty as a form of valor and courage, we open the door for men to tap into a deeper, more resilient strength—one that doesn’t come from suppression, but from a balanced, self-aware expression of their full humanity.
This redefinition of courage has been a guiding force in my life as I try to help my son navigate this confusing space. I’ve worked hard to teach him that true strength doesn’t come from hiding emotions but from acknowledging them. And yet, I know this is a difficult journey—one that challenges deeply ingrained ideas of masculinity. But it’s one that’s necessary.
The Role of Representation
Gender-specific role models are important because they help individuals see themselves reflected in the world around them. For men, role models who embody courage, strength, and vulnerability in a way that feels connected to their gender can provide an empowering vision of what it means to be a man in today’s society.
Why this matters:
Representation and Identity: For men, seeing other men who show courage, emotional openness, and kindness can be powerful. When role models share similar experiences—whether related to societal pressures, challenges specific to masculinity, or cultural expectations—they help create a sense of identity and solidarity. These role models help men understand that it is possible to express their emotions, face vulnerabilities, and still be powerful, capable, and courageous.
Cultural Relevance: Many men, particularly younger ones, may struggle with feeling disconnected from mainstream representations of masculinity. By having male role models who defy old stereotypes—who embrace emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and authenticity—men can begin to break away from traditional expectations. These figures offer concrete examples of how men can show up in the world in an emotionally honest, authentic, and loving way.
Empowerment and Mentorship: Male role models who embrace their vulnerability and emotional courage can provide mentorship and inspiration. They demonstrate that being a man doesn’t mean rejecting emotions but integrating them into one’s life to lead in a grounded, emotionally-aware way.
We need role models like Barack Obama who shows us that leadership can be both strong and empathetic or like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson who speaks openly about his mental health struggles, showing that even the toughest individuals face vulnerability. These men provide a new blueprint for what it means to be a man, one that integrates emotional authenticity with resilience.
But the truth is we don’t only need male role models. We need role models who transcend gender altogether. We need more men and women who show us that courage, kindness, and emotional intelligence are human traits. Figures like Brené Brown who has taught us that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a form of strength, help us reframe courage in ways that speak to everyone, regardless of gender. And Malala Yousafzai shows us that courage isn’t confined to gender. Her fight for education and equality inspires people of all genders to stand up for what’s right.
The Next Step in the Evolution of Gender
As I watch my son wrestle with these ideas, I realize that this shift in language might be the next step in our evolution away from rigid gender norms. It offers a way out of the confusion that many men face today. By rethinking the words we use and the associations we attach to them, we can break free from these constraints. If we stop framing vulnerability just as a “feminine” trait, we give men the space to be emotionally honest without fear of judgment. This redefinition helps dismantle harmful stereotypes and allows men to see emotional courage as a strength—an act of bravery, not weakness.
Maybe by using terms like “valor” and “courage,” men can embrace emotional authenticity without feeling they are trespassing on traditional notions of masculinity. This shift can guide them toward healthier, more integrated self-expression, helping them find clarity in a world that no longer offers clear guidelines.
And this shift shows them it doesn’t detract from their masculinity—it redefines it, showing that true courage involves being fully present with both strength and vulnerability. In this way, we are evolving, not weakening, as a society.
Perhaps, just maybe, this is the evolution we need—a collective agreement to redefine strength and vulnerability, allowing us all to step into our authentic selves with courage and clarity.
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