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{Editor’s Note: “Stop covering politics,” some of our dear readers cry every time we post something relephant. Look: politics are life. Equal rights, empathy, fair economy, healthcare. We can’t ignore what’s happening, and you shouldn’t either. Disagree? We’re happy to share your experience here. ~ ed.}
As much as I’m trying to move away from the Metaverse lately, it’s been the little droplets of hope keeping me from taking the final step of hitting “deactivate”—and when you’re putting your focus on finding the hope, inevitably, it will start finding its way to you.
Though, hope droplets turned into a flood of hope when Nicole Simone, a LA-based talent gracing us with her presence from Canada, asked a brilliant question of her followers:
The replies started coming in the hundreds. Here’s what the reformed men are saying so far:
Therapy as a tool for self reflection and growth…
“Yep, but before it was called redpill and the manosphere bullsh*t. Went to therapy, figured out why I was so angry, and eventually stopped blaming the wrong people for it.” ~ johnnyeskimo
Higher education and accepting everyone around you as valuable teachers—no matter how painful it was to face the “undoing”…
“College, plain & simple. Met others whose worldview & experience was different from mine, even at a conservative Christian university.
Truth be told, it was pretty painful to realize how *wrong* my core tenets were, and I get why people don’t change even in the face of conflicting information; that sh*t hurts.
Feels good to keep evolving though.” ~ teedlejay
Valuing the women in your life, realizing that toxic masculinity means doing them harm, and was all about clickbait in the first place…
“I was all about it. I liked the side of it that preached that men have to be as hard as their environment. In the beginning that was what the core message was. Over time it turned into just hating and degrading women because that’s what drove the views and got people talking. I have a mom and a sister. I don’t want them in an ecosystem that tells men to treat women like cattle.” ~ kamiyoadams
Emotional maturity and understanding that growing up means expanding your world view…
“I was conservative as a kid, but then I grew up. Can’t put it any simpler. Conservative men simply never grew up.” ~ emac_in_oh
Experiencing the horror firsthand, a way of realization that we’d never wish on anyone at all…
“Honestly, for me…..it was when Trump was president the first time and my Iraqi biological father was picked up by ICE after Trump promised they would be protected from deportation due to deportation being a death sentence because he’s chaldean. After that, I began to see through his lies and BS” ~ christhexartking
Realizing who your real friends are and that misogyny is a pretty big jerk move, to put it very lightly…
“I was pretty deep in the Trump, red pill cult etc
Never a Tate fan but listened to a lot of Rogan when it was mostly comics shooting the sh*t.
I realized that everyone on ‘my side’ was a raging a**hole and pretty much everyone I liked online was on the other side.
So [I] forced myself to listen and watch antithetical content and that changed me.” ~ billpair
Having morals and values that oppose the pushed ideologies…
“First thing was how uncomfortable my views made every woman I interacted with. Second thing was how little value that community seemed to have for POC. Third thing was how little value that community seemed to have for science. It all unraveled eventually.” ~ clintonious_
Letting kind people teach you, accepting new facts, and acknowledging the unlearning that has to happen…
“For me, it was having people in my life who were left-wing and nice about it. They’d give me new facts, statistics and philosophy instead of saying I was a worse person or giving an ‘it’s not my job to educate you’ approach.
It’s very easy to fall into that pipeline and it’s very incremental. Growing up, boys are repeatedly told that they are a burden on society and that men are inherently toxic. Redpill content starts with ‘masculinity isn’t shameful’ and then shoehorns divisive rhetoric.” ~ future_me_hates_this_username
Losing their religion and taking a step back to realize what striving to be like Jesus really meant…
“I left religion and subsequently the views of the Right. It wasn’t intentional, but the shedding of religion helped me see how, ironically, self-serving the Right’s ideologies are.
Leaving religion and the Right made me more like the [Jesus] they claimed to know. It was bewildering and then extremely liberating!” ~ gibsunday
And, from a woman’s reformation story—
“I used to be a red [pilled] woman. Full on reading Ayn Rand and watching Jordan Peterson videos. I can wholeheartedly tell you that entering Community College gave me such a wider perspective on the world that I realized I was not a critical thinker by ingesting these ‘scholars’ philosophies.” ~ bladerunner5000
As the replies continue to flood in, they’re met with support and love. Relief and hope. Healing.
“I’m just reading this comment section for therapy today.” ~ sarahgharper
Hope for the world and a reassurance that the world is with them…
“This may be the most uplifting [thing] I’ve read for weeks. People who are big enough to admit that they were wrong and have the guts to stand up. There is hope for the world. Just so You all know, the rest of the [civilized] world is here with you.” ~ hawkoftheinternet
Knowing better and then doing better is very impressive, I agree…
“Just a woman that’s dipped in to this strikingly interesting conversation and super appreciate all of these men leaving thoughtful and sincere comments about self realization. Really impressive!” ~ ruledbylalune
And, the one that gives a chuckle…
“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be here husband hunting” ~ dajagegen
Don’t underestimate your strong sense of justice, your kindness, and your voice.
Do make sure you’re sharing it with someone that is willing to listen—you never know the impact you may make.
These stories need to be told.
We may not be able to tell the future, but we can have our energy “flow where the attention goes” and make certain that we are of the mindset that we, the people, will be the ones that put the crumbling pieces back to where they should have been in the first place.
We’ve spent enough time being angry, shocked, and scared. We have a long road ahead.
A long road ahead with kindness, knowledge, and determination as our superpowers—it’s okay to start dripping in hope even if it feels impossible.
Many thanks to these reformed men for continuing the conversation, being brave enough to cut free, speak up, and delivering us the gift of possibility.
“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” ~ {maybe, most likely not} Albert Einstein
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