0
Share on bsky
View this post on Instagram
For years, I believed that if I just did more—read more, meditated more, healed more—I would finally arrive at the best version of myself.
More growth. More self-awareness. More mindset shifts.
I had convinced myself that if I could just clear out every limiting belief, rewire every thought pattern, and master every spiritual practice, then—then—I would be fully healed. Fully whole. Fully ready.
So I doubled down.
I journaled. I meditated. I did the breathwork, the shadow work, the nervous system work. I sat with my inner child. I listened to every podcast. I went on retreats. And the truth is—it did change me. It opened me up, helped me release old wounds, and gave me tools to navigate life with more clarity and grace.
But somewhere along the way, I started chasing growth like a finish line instead of allowing it to be a lifelong journey. I consumed self-help like it was oxygen, convinced that the next book, the next breakthrough, the next insight would finally unlock the version of me that was completely free from struggle.
And yet, I still found myself staring at the same old patterns.
The same anxieties. The same self-doubt. The same restlessness.
So I worked harder. Because surely, if I still felt like this, it meant I wasn’t doing enough, right?
When Self-Growth Becomes a Cage
No one tells you that personal development can turn into just another chase.
Another never-ending to-do list.
Another way to measure your worth.
I realized I had fallen into this trap when I caught myself stressed out over the fact that I hadn’t done my morning routine “correctly.”
I had woken up anxious. The journaling didn’t shake it. The meditation didn’t “fix” it. I still felt the tension in my chest even after breathwork. My affirmations didn’t land.
And instead of just…accepting that as part of being human, I spiraled into frustration.
Why wasn’t I “better” by now?
Why was I still struggling with things I thought I had already healed?
And that’s when it hit me.
I was treating self-growth like a game I could win. Like a ladder I could climb. Like a problem I could fix if I just worked harder.
But healing isn’t something we conquer. It’s something we live.
The practices that changed my life—meditation, breathwork, movement, deep self-inquiry—were never meant to be another pressure-filled obligation. They were meant to be a support system, a way to meet myself with curiosity instead of criticism, with grace instead of guilt.
What if there’s nothing to fix?
Somewhere along the way, I had absorbed this idea that healing meant arriving at a place where I would never struggle again. That self-growth meant becoming so evolved that old triggers, old wounds, old fears would just disappear.
But that’s not growth. That’s perfectionism in a new outfit.
The real work?
It’s not about fixing yourself.
It’s about learning to hold all of yourself—even the parts you don’t like.
Even the parts you swore you had already healed.
Even the days when the old insecurities whisper again.
Because the truth is, growth isn’t linear. It isn’t about reaching some final destination where we are forever healed and whole. It is about learning how to navigate the ups and downs, how to sit with discomfort without running from it, and how to offer ourselves grace instead of punishment.
The deeper I got into this journey, the more I realized: growth isn’t about getting rid of your shadows. It’s about learning to live with them.
Healing doesn’t mean never feeling pain again. It means knowing that when pain shows up, you can hold it without abandoning yourself.
And that kind of self-acceptance? That’s where deep peace lives.
Breaking the Cycle of Over-Improvement
I still love personal growth. I still read the books, do the practices, explore my inner world.
But now?
I ask myself different questions:
Am I doing this because I want to? Or because I think I have to?
Am I growing from a place of self-love? Or self-rejection?
There’s a difference between evolving because you choose to expand—and chasing growth because you think you’re not enough.
I’ve learned that self-growth should feel like coming home to yourself, not running away from who you are. That sometimes, the best thing we can do for our growth is to pause, breathe, and accept that we are already enough, even as we evolve.
Because the work does work. It does change lives. But it’s not about chasing a final destination—it’s about allowing yourself to soften into the journey.
The work was never about becoming something. It was about remembering that I already am.
And maybe…maybe that’s enough.
~
This account does not have permission to comment on Elephant Journal.
Contact support with questions.