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The Hallway of Emotional Resilience
Emotional regulation is the ability to observe one’s inner state and manage our feelings and thoughts.
When we’re able to do this, it gives us emotional resilience—to be able to adapt to stressful situations and return to homeostasis. If we are unable to regulate, we will often get stuck in fight-or-flight, overwhelm, freeze-or-shutdown.
A healthy nervous system is able to easily shift from negative heightened states, back to neutral, and from neutral into pleasant, joyful states.
When we are able to do this, it means we have a large window of tolerance before we’re pushed into fight-or-flight, or freeze-or-shutdown. If we only have a small window of tolerance, we’re moved into these heightened, unhealthy states much quicker and for longer periods of time.
I like to think of our window of tolerance as a hallway with a door at each end.
Our hallway is beautiful with natural light, big windows, fresh air, plants, and anything that brings feelings of happiness and peace. The doors at each end of this hallway lead to a small cubicle with no windows, a dingy fluorescent light that’s continuously flickering, accompanied with an awful buzzing noise. The air is stale and there’s gross looking water stains all over the ceiling. The rooms are stacked with boxes upon boxes of paperwork that were knocked over and tossed around—completely chaotic!
Now, back to our beautiful hallway—if we only have to take five steps to reach from one door to the next, our hallway is very small.
We often find ourselves crammed into those awful little cubicles trying to sort that horrible mess of paperwork that dates back to before we were even born! On the other hand, if our hallway is as long as a football field—we hardly ever find ourselves in those grungy little cubicles (thank goodness!).
When we have a hard time regulating our emotions, our nervous system struggles to release the intense energy associated with stressors, thus, it ends up holding onto it rather than letting it go. This is when emotions can become “stuck” and we may end up having physical tension or pain in the body.
It’s wonderful to have a set of tools and techniques you know how to implement during times of stress to bring yourself back into homeostasis, but what is even more important is using tools on a daily basis when you are not stressed or overwhelmed. When you have the practices in place in regular day-to-day life, that is what actually develops your resilience when stressful issues appear.
Here is a list of 10 ways to regulate and calm your nervous system in day-to-day life:
- Reduce stimulation in your environment
- Humming or singing
- Spending time in nature and being in sunshine
- Using grounding techniques to anchor yourself in the present moment
- Quality sleep
- Physical movement
- Snuggling
- Cold plunges
- Eating healthy fats
- Meditation
Learning how to regulate our emotions and our nervous system allows us to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and resilience.
By incorporating small, daily practices that support our nervous system, we can expand our window of tolerance and spend more time in our beautiful hallway. Over time, this not only improves our ability to handle stress but also enhances our overall well-being, helping us feel more at peace, present, and connected in our everyday lives.
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