The Art of Letting Go
Before I
started coming to CoDA meetings, I had no clue how much control I was holding
onto. I didn’t even think I had control issues — I just thought I was managing
my life the best I could. I’m really grateful my friend told me about this
program, because I can see now how much I needed it. From the second I walked
in, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be.
About once a
month I do breathwork, and before it starts, they always ask you to set an
intention — what you want to get out of the session. I never really have a
clear answer for that, but this time, I tied it into my step work. Since I’ve
been working Step Two, I said, “I want to trust the universe.”
By the time I
came out of that session, I realized something big — I had actually moved into
Step Three. It wasn’t just a thought — I felt it. I saw how this constant need
to control everything — every thought, every emotion, every situation — was
really just my way of trying to hold myself together.
I don’t control
other people — I control myself in relation to them. I control situations, how
I feel, what I do — all in an effort to keep things safe and together. And a
lot of the time, I do it through subtle manipulation. Not in a cruel way — but
by trying to manage outcomes, soften truths, say things just right so people
react the way I need them to. It’s still control, just dressed up to look like
care. All in an effort to keep things safe and together.
But the truth
is, in the end, I fall to pieces anyway. I don’t even let myself feel the
effects of this because I’m afraid of losing control. And I’m tired, really
tired of living that way.
So, I’m letting
go. I’m choosing to trust that the universe has me. I’m done trying to control
myself into safety. I want to let life flow through me instead of constantly
fighting it. I want to move forward and have healthy relationships — not just
for me, but for the people in my life who get caught in my fear and control.
I’m ready for
something more.
Bob H.
10.29.2025
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