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My younger self wasn’t familiar with letting go.
I
t wasn’t until I traveled to India and studied Buddhism that I finally understood the real meaning of releasing attachments.
As I delved deeper into spirituality, I started practicing the art of letting go. Life wasn’t perfect, but I generally felt happier. I could feel the difference between forcing things to happen and genuinely letting things be.
The practice of detachment was a big part of my life…until pregnancy.
All of a sudden, my ability to surrender started fading away. When I gave birth to my son, the whole letting go thing stopped making sense:
I couldn’t let go of how my body had changed.
I couldn’t let go of my old routine.
I couldn’t let go of my old self.
And I couldn’t let go of how I wanted things to be…
I transformed from a spiritual person to a new, unspiritual mom with postpartum depression. I tried to control everything and everyone—until I realized I was unhappy.
But my unhappiness was due to my need for control. From wanting my newborn to nap at specific hours to striving to fit into pre-pregnancy clothes, my controlling behavior strained my relationships and emptied my cup of tolerance.
There was only one thing that could save me from my obsessive attachment: letting go. Deep inside, I knew that surrendering would make life so much easier and help me reconnect with myself and those around me.
Now I know that letting go is not an option in parenting. Those who want to raise happy children and enjoy a fulfilling life (individually and as a family) know that holding on is an illusion. We can’t control others or outcomes and expect to achieve long-lasting happiness; that’s a hard lesson in motherhood.
Becoming a mom has reconnected me with the essence of spirituality. It helps me every single day to adapt, dance with change, and face adversities with an open mind and heart.
Here are five things I’ve learned to release as a mom:
1. Letting go of every stage.
One of the most difficult things in parenting is having to accept the bittersweet nature of child development. We are forced to embrace every transition and understand that growth is a necessary part of life. The end of the newborn and infant phase might be heartbreaking, but I’ve learned to let go of who my son used to be and focus on who he is right now.
2. Letting go of certain behavioral standards.
Most of us think that we need to manage our child’s behavior when, in reality, we just need to manage our own. We want our children to behave, but we forget that most of our expectations might be unrealistic and don’t suit our children’s needs. Every day, I let go of my need to correct my child. Instead of correction, I revert to connection—and it works every single time.
3. Letting go of safety.
My job as a mother is to protect my child. And even though I do my best to keep him safe and sound, I can’t control his falls, sadness, or disappointments. I’ve learned that there are many situations that are out of my control, no matter how hard I try to shield him from life’s unexpected adversities.
4. Letting go of what people think is right.
If there’s one thing I know about parenting now, it’s that there is no right or wrong. It’s a deeply personal journey, but people rarely respect or accept the different methods that families use. To this day, I still make it a priority to detach from what others think about my own parenting journey. The happiness and comfort of my family comes first—people’s unsolicited advice second.
5. Letting go of perfection.
When I was pregnant, my husband and I kept fantasizing about the different ways that we could achieve “perfection” to maintain a happy, healthy family. Soon enough, we both realized that we could never be perfect, and we shouldn’t be. Embracing imperfection while striving to remain kind, empathetic, and loving is how we are growing as a family—and as a couple.
~
author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Author's own
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