THE GARBAGE CAN

A poem written with my 14 year old son in mind who is struggling with anger. As someone in recovery who has had outbursts of anger and have used the "garbage can" pre-recovery I wanted to share!

THE GARBAGE CAN

Garbage can, why are you so full? I'm sure I can fit a little bit more. Keep pushing it down, stuffing it in, surely you will never end. Why do I fill you, why does more fit? Because you are my comfort and my deepest confidence.

You're all that I know, you're safe metal walls. I know that you'll be there whenever I fall. I use you, you're safe, you're the treasure within. I cannot let go of you, regardless of sin.

But truthfully garbage can, when I wonder of light. I know I can't see it, you're too stuffed with my might. To never face feelings to never have sadness. To never face fear, rejection; just madness.
That makes you so full that I try with much strife. To never let you empty for fear of the gripe. That maybe I'm not worth it, if I let the pieces out, That fills up the walls; that fills me with doubt.

Just one more piece, just get the heck in! Garbage can don't break, you're made out of tin. But I am a human and the anger spills out, And then I get ugly and punch, shout and pout.

The feelings overwhelm me, there is no hope in sight. Why did I open you, why see the light? No one will listen, everyone will get mad. I can't have what I want, need and cannot be glad.

But what if there's a better way, one that fills me with peace? What if I can find a better tool that can go in your place? What if I let myself share feelings without fear? What if I set boundaries that kept safe people near?

I could be an authentic person one that deals with today. I don't have to harbor the hurts of yesterday. I could share everyday in the moment and know. That being me is a gift, no faking a show.

Is it possible I ask, that I don't need you to be? My crutch and my confident that only hurts me? I will empty you out till the bottom is clear. Till I can see what I'm missing and face all my fear.

Do I deserve so much better? I think that I do! It's my job to protect me and piece feelings with glue. I'm worth all this effort I don't need to be blue. I'm finally serene, I can finally be true.

To those who are safe for me they'll know what I need. I'll tell them and praise them and trust them indeed. For those who won't be there and hurt me get lost. I finally see I'm worth it and you can get lost!


Cindy G. 3/9/16