My boss's boss came in to say that the points I made at the meeting were very good but they lost impact because I got too emotional when making them. I waited for the old feeling of a dagger going into my heart - the feeling that I wasn't good enough for this job or for any job or anything. It didn't come.
Before CoDA: Every criticism is totally true because I am defective and it is the final verdict on me as a human being. At the same time I cannot accept any criticism because it is a rejection of all of me so every criticism is a malicious lie and I refuse to believe it.
After CoDA: Maybe I did get over excited at the meeting but some people like passion. I can work on being cooler. I made some very good points.
I tried to fix the light in the bathroom. I ended up twisting some wires and breaking them. I will have to call an electrician.
Before CoDA: I am such as loser. Why does everything I do go wrong? I am embarrassed to call an electrician. I should have done it right.
After CoDA: Maybe I could have asked for help sooner. It's okay to try and okay to make a mistake. It's not a big deal because I can pay for the electrician and I won't make that mistake again.
I promised some work for a colleague. I gave it to her later than I promised but she had it before it was needed. I sent it with an apology. She didn't thank me as she usually does.
Before CoDA: I have to tell her a big story (maybe with lies) about why it was late. I have to do something dramatically great for her to make up for it. I have to make her like me again.
After CoDA: It would have better to get it to her when I promised but at least I got it done before it was needed. I apologised already so there isn't anything else that I need to do. It is okay if some people don't like me or don't think I'm great at my job. I will watch what I promise from now on. I don't have to be perfect all the time.
Thank you CoDA.
Claire - 6/9/16
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