It’s very normal to have the fear of meeting another narcissist after being narcissistically abused.
It’s terrifying for people contemplating another love relationship, but also daunting for those who have had narcissistic bosses or co-workers, neighbours or friends.
In fact, you may have spent your entire life trying to battle narcissists from all angles!
I know you know narcissists exist because you’ve experienced the Soul-destroying devastation they deliver. You have also gone through the horror of trying to disengage, let go, get them out of your life, and retrieve your sanity, resources and Soul.
Today’s article is about how to help you get past the awful fear of getting tangled up with a narcissist again – and that’s important – because I want you to know, with all of my heart, this:
FEAR is NOT HELPFUL!
You see there is this really weird thing about the mechanics of life – what you continue to fear keeps coming into your life. Why? So that you have the opportunity to grow beyond the fear into your TRUE power. Then this thing no longer appears.
You may believe that you need the fear to be safe.
No!
You need self-empowerment and being anchored into your own body as your authentic self.
Then narcissists FEAR and avoid YOU!
How do you achieve this?
Let me show you my 6 favourite ways, that I have shared with thousands of people so that they too, like myself, started living their freest, most joyous and expansive narcissist-free lives.
Number 1: Accept That Narcissists Exist WITHOUT Judgement
Yes, terrible people exist. It’s common to be disgusted by this and focus on how horrible these people are.
You may wish they were taken off the face of the planet!
That hasn’t yet happened, and they are who they are, so this then only leaves you with …
“Who are YOU BEING in relation to this?”
If you take your focus OFF them and back ONTO you, now you are in the driver’s seat to develop, grow and expand into your personal power –where I promise you no narcissist can target and mess with you again.
Let’s continue and see how that works.
Number 2: Accept Your Own Relationship Evolution
You will NEVER change a narcissist or the fact that they exist, but you can spectacularly change YOU.
I so want you to have the hope that this is where YOUR POWER lies … because it does.
Changing your Inner Love and Relationship Codes means working on yourself. This is where the growth, evolution, confidence and all the great stuff lies – as well as your healthy relationship attraction and maintenance capacity.
To change your life, you start by embracing the need to change. This was HUGE for me, but it was the magical golden key that began to open up the life of my dreams.
I knew if I didn’t heal and change, that nothing would change. I knew that if I changed, then everything could change, and it did.
Accepting this is a powerful step toward taking your Life and Freedom back.
Now let’s look at HOW to change …
Number 3: Release And Heal From The Devastating Trauma Wedged Inside You
Narcissistic abuse and the symptoms of it feel like a terrible psychic and emotional virus. My heart goes out to all of us who have suffered this. It’s AWFUL! It’s like you have been taken over somehow by a dark Soul-sucking force.
Is it any wonder with that level of damage to your Inner Being, that you suffer often uncontrollable fearful obsessive thoughts and flashbacks which suck your Life Force even more?
How can you get out of “fear” of potential narcissists, and try to rebuild your life and relationships whilst this is coursing through your Being?
It’s very difficult.
But, by being determined to take your focus off the narcissist and turned inwards to work on your own Being, to love and heal it back to wholeness, you will be able to release and reprogram the shocking trauma, obsessive thoughts and the symptoms such as PTSD, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue, anxiety and depression and so much more.
My number 1 recommendation for achieving this powerfully and in a fraction of the time of traditional therapy, is my NARP Program. It is exactly how myself and tens of thousands of others worldwide have achieved unprecedented healing from narcissistic abuse.
Whilst freeing yourself from inner trauma, thus healing from the inside out, it’s appropriate to evaluate and restructure how you have been showing up in relationships so that you can start to generate power, boundaries and safety.
Number 4: Examine Your Own Relationship Evolution
With your existing relationships, I want you to ask yourself the following questions.
When do I try to keep the peace rather than honour myself?
Do I honestly and directly express what I need from people?
Can I ask for and receive support?
Am I able to lay healthy boundaries and say “No” to people?
Do I try to fix, change and take responsibility for others instead of taking responsibility for the care of myself?
Can I have the difficult honest conversations with people that I need to have?
Do I accept poor behaviour and characters in my life because I am needy or feel guilty?
Am I prepared to lose it all to get it all, by walking away from people who don’t match my values and respect my boundaries?
Am I clear on my values and the character of people who have the capacity to share these values with me?
After feeling into these questions, make a list of any you have struggled with.
This is important.
This is a vital clue to where you have been handing away power and can clean up your gaps never to be ensnared and abused by toxic people again.
It’s one thing to start recognizing this … but another to start course-correcting it. How? Read on to find out …
Number 5: Show Up And Work On Existing Relationships
Absolutely you want honest, truly connected Soul-deep relationships – because these are the ones which are the most fulfilling.
I want you to know, from my heart to yours, that these types of relationships are not possible until you start showing up authentically and honestly.
At first, this can be terrifying – but let me try to break it down for you.
You may have people in your life who you would love deep connections with, who you believe may have the capacity to meet you at a truly deep level.
Let’s call these people “potential A grade relationships”. Maybe you are blessed enough to already have relationships like this.
If things aren’t how you would love them to be, have an honest conversation. Lovingly tell this person that you value them and would love a deeper heart connection with them. Then share honestly with them what is going on for you, and what you would love from them, and invite them to do the same with you.
Either way, whether they accept and go upwards in this trajectory with you, or not, you have evolved and grown your capacity to attract and nurture incredibly true relationships. They may not be an A grade relationship, but now others can come.
Perhaps there are people in your life who don’t have the capacity or time for a deep connected relationship with you. These B or C grade relationships may be work relationships or family members who you don’t need to see often. It’s still important to be honest, have boundaries and uphold your values with these people.
There are two powerful truths in life – people aren’t mind-readers (stop expecting them to meet your unexpressed wishes), and what you accept is what you will get (if you don’t make the change nothing will change).
You may have relationships that regularly cross your boundaries and hurt you – these are presently D grade (or lower) relationships. There is a big necessity here to show up, and lay your boundaries about what are your values, what you will and won’t accept, and be prepared to lose the relationship if this person doesn’t care for or respect you and step up.
These shifts in consciousness and power are daunting because to change your relationship capacity you have to show up in relationships in ways that you never have previously.
The very fact that it feels so uncomfortable means it’s correct. It means that you are moving out of being who you used to be, into where your relationships can start up-levelling into much healthier ones.
The danger is it gets so uncomfortable, or you get a “bad” reaction from someone, that you give up and go back to your old ways. Staying stuck in comfort zones is never comfortable because it brings disappointing and painful relationships. Therefore, it’s really important to keep working on these internal fears and blocks.
I really hope, with every fibre of my being, that you are starting to feel how development within and then taking the right action in your everyday life will cause your existing relationships to transform in more incredible ways than you could imagine!
So then, how does this relate to coming across new narcissists in your life?
Number 6: Don’t Look Out for Narcissists – Partner Yourself Powerfully
Now that you are committed to growing your evolutionary, authentic relationship capacity there is no need to fear or even look out for narcissists.
In fact, you WANT to come across them … after all, they do exist in every walk of life!
Let me explain …
If you were to “mistakenly” go out on a date with a narcissist this is perfect, because you are DIFFERENT now! You’ve been purposefully working diligently on who you are in relationships now.
You are no longer unconsciously precarious to someone acting as “exactly what you are looking for.”
You will trust your gut, speak up and ask questions or lay boundaries to take your time to ascertain someone’s character. No longer do you simply believe “mere words”. It will feel “off” if they love bomb, show off or interrogate you for information.
You will take your time and not get swept off your feet and into bed, sharing your resources or business deals. No longer will this “Trojan Horse” get through your gate!
This is not paranoia! It’s adult, stable maturity. You have stepped out of the programmed illusion of “love at first sight”, “instant gratification” or “other people are my saviour.”
You now love yourself enough to take your time to get to know whether people are the real deal – you are your own protector and saviour!
Can you SEE the remarkable difference?
With basic authenticity and self-anchored sensibility, you will identify the narcissist’s insincerity, trying to push you into connection, how the actions don’t match the words, and how by you retaining your truth and life they slink away (usually) or lash out (seldomly and usually benignly) because they are not getting what they want.
And if they REALLY lashed out, you have the power and inner conviction to calmly and cleanly put a Restraining Order on ANYONE who threatens or harasses you.
A narcissist can only hook into and ensnare you through your gaps and fears!
Conclusion
I really want to challenge the way you used to think about fearing narcissists, they are what they are, parasitical beings who gets into people’s lives through their underdeveloped Inner Being and boundary skills. What this really means, is that this is about YOUR empowered, life-gratifying evolution.
Can you imagine how freeing it is to just BE YOURSELF, no matter what anybody else is or isn’t doing and know that they have no power over you?
After my Thriver recovery, I live this joy every day, and I want that SO much for YOU too!
If this deeply resonates, and you wish to transform your relationships and life beyond description, then I highly recommend my 10-step deep Inner Healing process, known as NARP.
If you are already a NARP Member, then check out my Empowered Self Program. This takes your relationship capacity to the next level (including 3 entire Modules on Boundary Development and Implementation).
I hope this information has given you hope and inspired you to know that there is an INCREDIBLE path to take that will absolutely deliver you fulfilling, genuine and loving relationships, of a far greater vibrational level than you may have ever experienced.
Yes, it’s challenging. But challenges are what deliver the greatest rewards in life!
They are SO worth it!
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