We know that Halloween is a spooky time. It’s a time of ghouls, witches and demons. We know what real life demons are – narcissists. They are people we can’t talk sense to, durably make peace and genuine love with, and usually can’t retain our sanity whilst trying to.
I truly do believe that within the darkness, we can mine our greatest light, and rise above the energy of a narcissist and narcissistic abuse, and today I want to help you spin the tables.
Okay how can YOU be the person who the narcissist runs away from and leaves alone?
Light Repels The Darkness
We think that narcissists take our light, but I promise you that this is a tiny piece of the picture. Yes, narcissists do take advantage of our good nature, especially when we hand our light away to try to gain love, approval and our security and survival from this person.
Yet, what happens if we are standing in our own power and light, as a direct connection with our truth, love for self, security within our own identity and personal choices regardless of what the narcissist tries to do to derail us?
The truth is when the narcissist’s opinion of you and what they offer, threaten or attempt to manipulate has no bearing on your “light”, it completely and utterly derails THEM.
Rather than getting the ammunition to keep coming at you (your triggers and attention), the narcissist comes face to face with their biggest fear of, “I am totally insignificant.”
This is where it comes crashing down for the narcissist, they ask themselves … How can I see my superiority without the inferiority of another? How can I stand in my power trip, without tripping someone else into their powerlessness?
Dark Souls feed off another’s fear and pain. Without it the narcissist is alone with their own fear and pain. They sink into their deep inner depths, without the ability to “split” and attack their disordered self by projecting it outside of themselves.
The Most Effective Path Is The Most Counterintuitive One
I get it that when a narcissist abuses you that you want to fight back.
I was the same.
However, this brings you down into the scrap heap with them – into their insane world of disorder, disfunction and utter and complete madness. Before you know it, you are tangled up in the word salad, expressing your pain, frustration, heartbreak, anger and pain and then opening yourself up to the cruel ridicule of how you are affected.
This grants the narcissist the scapegoat … allowing them to blame you for it all, making you the disordered one in order to absolve themselves of any self-responsibility or reform. This is the delusion of, “I am omnipotent and above reproach. It’s me who is the victim, and you are the person who is the problem!”
The harder you go in, the more you get tangled up in this sticky toxic web, and the narcissist feeds off their own imagined vindication whilst you fall deeper and deeper into the abyss of complete and utter invalidated atrocious abuse.
How do you get back on top of this dark battle? By steering the fight in a different direction. Rather than try to rebuke the narcissist’s twisted reality, simply state and BE the truth of your own.
Let me give you some examples.
The narcissist calls you terrible names or makes horrible accusations about you.
Your old response: “How dare you say that. That’s not true!” (Then you launch into fighting back …)
The narcissist’s energised energy: “Great you are hooked in, now I can really go to town on you!”
Now let’s look at the Thriver Way …
Your new response: “I know who I am, thanks. I’m not interested in your opinion.” (Then getting on with who you are with no further comment.)
Narcissist’s response: “ …….. …….. …….. ummmm … ahhhh ….. ….. “
The narcissist is stumped. He or she counted on you hooking in and taking umbrage about the comment. They needed your REACTION to what was said.
The narcissist may gather their wits, and try another tactical approach to derail you.
If you ignore and say nothing, they will try to accuse you of silence, non-communication or the like.
You may reinforce your stand (just in case they missed it the first time) with, “I have no need to talk to you. I know who I am.”
Now here is the thing, your energetic response is the powerful key. If you try to say these words when heavily triggered and traumatised, it won’t work.
Can you imagine how powerfully it will land, if you were calm, controlled and say it like you know and believe it in every fibre of your Being that it JUST is?
I really want you to imagine this new paradigm …
Now, let’s look at what might not be allowing you to do this.
Cleaning Up Your Triggers
The powerful way that you take all power away from the narcissist is by cleaning up the internal triggers that the narcissist has been targeting to derail you to get you to hand your power over.
It’s a tactic they use.
It’s not even personal.
The things that the narcissist says and does are pretty meaningless other than to get a reaction from you to keep dumping their disordered self all over you. It’s also to keep you hooked and messing with you in order to feed their own significance with power and any and all resources and Life Force they can drain out of you.
Sad but true.
For us, looking at it all from the lens of humanity it seems heartless, cruel, unjust and very hurtful. We want people to love us, be kind, believe in and validate us. Narcissists have neither the capacity nor desire for any of this.
They don’t know what kindness, care and validation is for themselves let alone others. It’s all about narcissistic supply, no more and no less.
You will never turn the narcissist into agreeing with you and durably coming together with you into teamwork and solution building into growth and love. In the narcissist’s painful world of divide, control and conquer, this is literally nauseating and terrifying.
To stand over you and control you, the narcissist needs to divide you from yourself.
You can’t have union with a narcissist but you can have it with yourself.
And THAT is your greatest super power.
How do you do that for real?
Inner work.
Let’s look at an example …
Narcissist’s nasty words: “You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”
Your old reaction: “That’s so not true …” (Then all of your rebuttal trying to let the narcissist to know what a good person you are.)
How does this change after the Thriver Inner Work?
Your new thoughts to yourself: “That doesn’t trigger me anymore. I healed up that internal trauma. You have used it for ages on me, but it no longer works. Since I was little, I was told by my mother how selfish I was for wanting my own choices and life. You were replaying what already hurt. You worked that out, because it used to get a reaction from me. No more! I healed it! YAY!”
Can you imagine how good you will feel?
Can you feel the power and freedom you will have when you no longer need any understanding, solidness, care, validation or kindness from the narcissist because you have become a Source of that to yourself?
You may think that the narcissist will attack you for not getting their own way, yet a startling thing happens when you stand in your truth, became anti-fear, anti-trigger and, “I don’t need anything from you, the narcissist, anymore.”
Without your fear and pain, the narcissist comes face to face with the truth, “I am a no-self, needing other people’s attention to sustain myself.”
Without your feed, the narcissist is left face to face with the empty void of no-self. They have to run. They have to get away.
Think about the little man or woman when the curtain gets pulled back.
Think of the emperor or empress with no clothes.
Think of a bright light shining on a vampire.
In Conclusion
I’m so excited and happy to let you know you are more powerful than you could ever imagine. I know a narcissist can make you feel powerless and helpless. But let’s understand again, where we first started, that within the darkness is your greatest power and light.
The Self you were born to be when you healed from the fears and pains that are not allowing you to stand in your True Essence. To be the person you are without the wounds and traumas that have been causing others to mine you and take away your power.
I wish you a happy Halloween and like the lantern in a pumpkin, no matter how bad your experience has been, I know you have it, deep within, to heal, rise, shine, repel the darkness and be free to live …
Truly live.
With the narcissist becoming Not … Your … Reality.
And dissolving out of your experience, like a vampire sliding back into the shadows away from Your Light.
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