You may think you will never get over this person …
Yet I promise you that you can, not just recover, but truly Thrive.
The reason why this doesn’t happen for many people, who try to heal contemporarily, is because they don’t know how to achieve this – for real.
Today I want to help you reverse what maybe you were trying to do to get over the narcissist, with small and powerful shifts, that will deliver you to the other side in ways you previously thought impossible.
Let’s jump in and get started with this.
Number 1 – Giving up “this happened TO me” and be open to “this happened FOR me”
Let’s be really honest, life with a narcissist sucks.
What you thought you had with this person, or what you wanted from them IS sabotaged, blown up and devastated.
Why did we hang in there? I know, just like you, I wanted this person to love me, be accountable, stop hurting me and be the person that I believed they should be.
Now, at a deeper level I know I was with this person because I wasn’t as yet anchored in my own solid inner wholeness. I didn’t know how to be my own Source. I wasn’t yet able to honour and value myself and lay healthy boundaries.
Through the demise of my relationship, for the first time ever I undertook the deep self-partnered journey of coming home to me.
Before then I hadn’t needed to.
Now did.
I want you to know that when you go deeper, you will know that there is a life of truth, wholeness and love awaiting you – within yourself. It is so much more spectacular even than what you thought you were going to have with the narcissist.
On this inner journey you know that this dark night of the Soul is a powerful opportunity for you to mine your greatest gold – to finally, finally, be the creator, protector and generator of the life you were born to love.
Yes, it’s still going to hurt after you make this shift. Yes, there is still the deep inner work to do. But now, rather than this just being senseless terrible devastation, there is a purpose and mission to it.
Number 2 – Shift from “it’s all about them” to “it’s my time to heal”
One of the greatest mistakes people make when trying to get over a narcissist, is to stay focused on them, researching them, checking up on them and talking about them – over and over and over again.
At the beginning of your healing journey it is important to understand that you were with a narcissist – yet, on-going, continued learning about them does … not … heal … you.
Read that again – it … does … not … heal … you.
It just grants you some clarity regarding the madness.
As Pema Chödrön famously said (I’m paraphrasing, it was something like …), “There is no point being mad at someone who shot you with an arrow. It makes much more sense to realise you have been shot with the arrow and tend to that.”
This is great wisdom.
I have never seen any victimised, expert researcher on narcissists get past PTSD, adrenal malfunctions, diminished trust in themselves, others and life and being free of anxiety and depression. Nor have I seen them radiantly expanding and glowing with confidence, success, love and the powerful healthy boundary function and self-awareness that has allowed them to reach these heights (which many Thrivers in our community regularly do).
Why not?
Because they haven’t done the Quantum inner work to heal – there is still tons of unhealed trauma wedged within their Inner Beings that has never been released, replaced and reprogrammed.
Their Inner Love Code and personal identity has become one of, “I am victim” and “narcissists are terrible” and that is exactly the trajectory that they are chemically stuck in, and being held deeply in their human experience as.
This is like being stuck in a prison with no way out.
(I know, I was there for years.)
However, when your greatest mission is to leave this behind, by being willing to self-partner and heal yourself to wholeness, then the narcissist starts to becomes completely irrelevant, as you become more and more focused (and fascinated about) taking back your sanity, health, Soul and Life Force.
In fact, the narcissist, what they represent and who they are becomes completely unappealing to you, because you are graduating your mind, spirit and human reality to a healthy level beyond all of this.
It’s very true – if someone and what they did to you is still wedged in your consciousness and being, then they have power over you – even if you separated 30 years prior, whereas if you detox them and the trauma of what they did, you do break free.
Number 3 – Stop trying to “just rebuild” and “value your Soul” instead
Many people after narcissistic abuse, just like I did, try to “get on with it”.
Things like, make the money back that they had lost. Maybe even try to date again.
These are all illusions of “the identity” of believing that we are “nothing” without our possessions, a relationship, or even being strong enough to get on with it.
Like me, you may have been totally shocked that you could not just get up and start to recover your life this time. Maybe in every other setback in your life you could. This is different, and it is meant to be this way.
This time you are coming home to the greatest spiritual healing opportunity of your life time.
To Value YOUR Soul.
This is now about establishing your own sovereignty. Your love and respect for you and Source / God / Creation (whatever your version of a Higher Power is).
This time, you have landed so heavily on your behind, that there is no possibility of ignoring how broken you and your life are. Maybe, like me, you have absolutely no props (identity gadgets) such as property, a business, job or even people to hang on to in order to keep you from turning to the only thing that is left – you … inside of you.
This is the thing I was most grateful for in my life because everything else was gone. There was nothing left. It was now firmly between me and God (Source). This started the most startling, truly loving and gratifying journey of my entire life.
I learned to put my Soul first. To give myself permission to let go of the self-demands of “get up and go again – to rebuild, to prosper, and to make it in the world”. My Soul became the most important mission in my life, because now if I didn’t repair my Inner Being, nothing else worked.
I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people in this community not get this piece, try to just “get on with it” and keep falling flat on their behinds once again!
Narcissistic abuse is the ultimate “wake up” call back to self. We have been through such Soul destruction that now our Soul desperately needs our love and healing.
Then – the most incredible things happen for you as a result of valuing and healing your own Soul and letting go of all of your identity “needs” that you thought made you loveable and worthy.
For the first time in your life you embody TRUE love and worth.
Then you discover the most astounding thing – life starts to value you and deem you worthy as well. Where you were trying to rebuild – it all just starts showing up as opportunity, synchronicity and miracle.
Then you understand the truth that you never knew before this time.
The power was within you all along.
Can you imagine how the False Self of a narcissist could be anywhere near appealing when you have connected to True Love and your True Self.
Of course they aren’t!
Number 4 – Releasing “I need this” to live and enjoy, to “I am” living and enjoying
Many of us were programmed to believe that we couldn’t love and enjoy our life unless we were with a partner, or had a functional parent, or had whatever possessions and so on and so forth.
None of this is true … at all.
I remember back when I was 19, if I was single I used to feel defective – like there was something wrong with me!
Fast forward to being forty and single after narcissistic abuse and then being totally committed to healing, and wanting to love being in life … just as myself.
I achieved this, through working with Quanta Freedom Healing, more spectacularly than I ever imagined possible. And I adore helping others achieve these results as well.
Your Soul’s right to love “being” is your Soul right. It is your organic True Self without conditions, when you release trauma and the false beliefs and programs that you have been fed that are not allowing this natural state and essence to be “you”.
It is beyond glorious when you are released from waiting and having your life on hold, thinking it is not possible to Thrive until a) b) c) d) … and of course all the way to z) happen for you.
You will be amazed that even if you are co-parenting, have lost your resources, are single and recovering from health conditions – these are NOT things that need to hold you back from true wholeness and happiness now.
This may just sound like “hopium”, yet it isn’t.
Personally I know this to be true after losing everything I had worked for my entire life, and then almost losing my life and being left with health conditions that I was told were unhealable and a financial state that seemed it would never be reconcilable.
As I started to honour the healing of my Soul, I started to experience a joy, happiness and fullness that I had never had before, even before any of these conditions changed.
I started engaging in life and pursuits on my own, feeling happy – and this was something I had never experienced before.
Gone was my self-judgement of “I should be this or that” and then I discovered the beautiful truth that others accepted me beautifully as a I was, because I had finally come home to unconditionally loving and accepting myself.
This was what had created loving life and enjoying being in life.
From this self-loving standpoint, my life became a wonderful blank easel to which I could add – especially as I continued healing.
No matter what “things” I had previously shared with the narcissist (which were all destroyed anyway), now I had the REAL thing – genuine happiness to be in my body, in life and connected to Source – no matter what anyone else was or wasn’t doing.
I just know, it will be the same for you.
It’s inevitable when you follow these four steps.
In Conclusion
I hope you get a sense of what I have written here.
My greatest wish today is that somewhere inside it deeply resonates with you.
I hope that even if you can’t feel this yet, that something inside you awakens and knows that it can be possible for you.
It breaks my heart when people are stuck, and think they can’t get over narcissists.
I know that when people who have suffered for years and even decades tell me they are unable to get over this person and what happened to them and what they lost, that they just haven’t accessed the Thriver Way to heal yet!
Maybe it’s your time to start healing for real. Possibly you really have had enough of the pain, and OF COURSE you want to be happy, healthy and love living!
(Otherwise what is the point to being on planet Earth?)
No comments:
Post a Comment