When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that
person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of
our perception and their negative qualities. They just don’t seem to have
any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a
pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We
have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we
remember that no one is actually “perfect,” the pedestal phase of a
relationship can be enjoyed for what it is -- a phase. It’s when we actually
believe our own projection that troubles arise.
Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we
entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don’t allow them room to
be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to
our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance
ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we
idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect
through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If
you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect.
We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle.
When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a
much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The
moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to
see your loved one as he or she truly is.
We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there
are no pedestals -- we are all walking on the same ground together. When we
realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key
to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our relationships.
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