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Sometimes it
is difficult to see someone we love struggling, in pain, or hurting. When
this happens, we might feel like we need to be proactive and do something to
ease their troubles. While others may want our help, it is important to keep
in mind that we need to be sensitive to what they truly want in the moment,
since it can be all too easy to get carried away and say or do more than is
really needed. Allowing ourselves to let go and simply exist in the present
with another person may actually provide a greater amount of comfort and
support than we could ever imagine.
Perhaps we can think back to a time when we were upset and needed a kind
word, hug, or listening ear from someone else. As we remember these times, we
might think of the gestures of kindness that were the most healing. It may
have been gentle words such as “I care about you,” or the soothing presence
of someone holding us and not expecting anything that were the most
consoling. When we are able to go back to these times it becomes easier for
us to keep in mind that giving advice or saying more than is really necessary
is not always reassuring. What is truly comforting for another is not having
someone try to fix them or their problems, but to just be there for them.
Should we begin to feel the urge arise to offer advice or repair a situation,
we can take a few deep breaths, let the impulse pass, and bring our attention
back to the present. Even though we may want to do more, we do not have to do
anything other than this to be a good friend.
The more we are attuned to what our loved ones are feeling, the more capable
we are of truly giving what is best for them in their hour of need. Keeping
things simple helps us give the part of ourselves that is capable of the
greatest amount of compassion—open ears and an understanding heart.
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