My grandparents were married for 69 years before my grandpa passed away.
In all of those years, they hardly went a day without seeing each other.
The length of their marriage is something I cannot wrap my head around. I cannot imagine being with the same person for that long.
My marriage only lasted 11 years, and guess what? That’s okay. Not every marriage, or any relationship for that matter, will last for a lifetime. And that is okay.
Deciding to get divorced is complicated and painful. No part of it is easy. It took me almost four years to finally decide to do it. There were so many variables to consider. I was worried about being a single mom of two kids. I was scared about our financial security. I was nervous about living alone for the first time in my life. I was hesitant about leaving my home. I was uneasy about having to share custody and not seeing my kids every day.
All of those worries and fears, however, were no match for my unhappiness. I wasn’t myself at the end of my marriage. I didn’t even recognize myself. I could see that my kids were not happy, and I realized that I could no longer compromise my happiness and peace, or that of my children.
Unfortunately, some things are not meant to last forever. And that is okay.
I won’t pretend to be an expert at marriage, but there are some things I know to be true. A marriage will (most likely) not work if:
>> You don’t feel seen.
>> You don’t feel heard.
>> You don’t feel safe.
>> You don’t communicate honestly and openly.
>> You don’t tell the truth.
>> You stay together for the kids.
>> You don’t talk about money.
>> You are pretending things are okay when they are not.
>> You don’t trust each other.
>> You don’t like each other.
>> You don’t love each other.
People change. People grow. And, sometimes, we grow apart instead of together—and that is okay. What’s not okay is staying somewhere that you don’t feel appreciated. It’s not okay to stay some place that you have outgrown. It’s not okay to stay when you don’t recognize yourself anymore.
At the end of my grandparent’s marriage, they were happy. Truly and fully happy. They were each other’s favorite person, and there was a peace about them that I truly admired.
Although my marriage didn’t work out, I feel better knowing that that kind of love exists in this world. I feel better knowing that my favorite person is out there…I just haven’t met him yet.
~
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