Loving Myself
Hello
my name is Ravyn and I’m codependent. In December of 2022 I attempted to take
my own life and nearly succeeded, I felt hopeless. I had convinced myself I was
not built for this world, I couldn’t understand what I did to deserve the
isolation and abandonment I was going through. I thought I had dedicated myself
to my wife, kids and loved ones, I worked hard, was faithful, and prioritized
them over me even after being cheated on. Even after the separation we were
very cordial, I wasn’t out for revenge, I just wanted peace. As things
progressed I found myself growing increasingly frustrated, do I not deserve
love after everything I sacrificed? In CoDA I have now come to realize the
error of my actions, I was using love, time, and money as a transaction to get
affection and assurance. I neglected myself and forced that responsibility on
everyone around me in an attempt to feel needed. I wanted power over their
emotions to satisfy my own because I didn’t know how to love myself, how can I
expect anyone to love me if I don’t love myself. That is why I am in CoDA and
on this journey, I want to be compassionate towards others without the need for
something in return, to love myself.
Ravyn
H. 8/31/23
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