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Thursday, 14 November 2024
On this day of your life
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I believe God wants you to know ... ... that not to
decide is to decide. Letting something
go until it "decides itself" is Life by Default. You
don't want to live that way. So choose. Choose
right now. Stop worrying about
what you can "lose" or how you can "win"
and just follow your joy. Where does your joy
say you should go? |
Hearing the Whisper (OM)
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Inspiration Quotes
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Maturity is the
ability to postpone gratification. Sigmund Freud
Focus is the art of
knowing what to ignore. James Clear
90 percent of success is
not getting distracted. Shane Parrish
When we lack purpose, we
chase pleasure. Greg McKeown
The “Bad” Kind of Busy (MonB)
I know a woman who is wholly devoted to her children. She chose to be a stay-at-home mom, pouring every ounce of her energy into researching the healthiest foods, finding the best extracurricular activities, and constantly learning new ways to communicate positively with her kids. Her dedication is admirable, but there’s a significant problem: in her relentless pursuit of perfect parenting, she often forgets to truly be present with her children.
One day, as she raced across town to drop one child off at ballet and another at karate, her children sat miserably in the backseat. The joy of a birthday party they had just attended was overshadowed by her berating them for eating candy and cake—treats she had reluctantly allowed them to enjoy. She was so busy trying to create the perfect conditions for her children’s upbringing that she was making herself—and, more importantly, them—miserable. Her kids probably won’t remember the organic snacks she packed or the carefully curated activities; instead, they’ll remember the stress and scolding they felt while racing from one place to another.
This is an understandable yet unconscious misstep that many of us make. We become so focused on doing that we forget to be. The “bad” kind of busy isn’t about having a packed schedule or being engaged in various activities. Rather, it’s the kind of busyness that disconnects us from the present and blinds us to the emotional impact we have on those around us. There are a few things at work here:
The Perfectionist Paradox
In trying to check off every box on an impossible ideal checklist, we miss out on the most important aspect of what we’re doing, whether it’s parenting, tending to our health, or working on goals. That aspect is connection. The constant striving to be perfect—whether it’s through organic meals, a perfect credit score, or impeccable discipline—becomes counterproductive when it creates an atmosphere of stress.
In terms of parenting, for example, research published in the Journal of Child and Family Studies, parental stress and perfectionism can lead to increased anxiety and lower emotional well-being in children. Kids don’t need perfect parents; they need happy, present parents who make them feel safe and loved.
Doing vs. Being
I have spoken on this topic many times but it always bears repeating. We often prioritize productivity and self-improvement over simply enjoying life as it unfolds. However, research indicates that mindfulness and present-moment awareness are more strongly associated with happiness and life satisfaction than constant striving. Yet, self-care can often end up being another thing to check off the list. It reminds me of a quote by my favorite poet Rumi, “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” Make time to acknowledge that pull and follow it from time to time.
The Cost of Constant Busyness
When we’re perpetually on the move and hyper-focused on what needs to be done, we often fail to recognize the emotional climate we’re creating. This can lead to strained relationships, burnout, and a lack of joy in the very experiences we’ve worked so hard to provide. As the woman in the story above illustrates, even well-intentioned actions can lead to frustration and disconnection if we lose sight of the bigger picture.
So once we understand that we are overdoing, how do we walk it back and bring ourselves into balance? There are handful of ways to do it:
Pause and Reflect: Take a moment each day to check in with yourself. Are you engaging with your loved ones in a way that makes them feel valued and seen? Are you creating stress instead of joy with your actions?
Prioritize Connection: Make intentional choices about what really matters. It’s okay to let go of some activities or lower your standards in certain areas if it means having more meaningful, present moments with your family.
Follow Your Joy: Taking a walk, ordering a special coffee, making time to create something. These are all small ways to infuse your day with a little bit of unstructured joy and stillness. Even just clearing thirty minutes in your schedule to do “nothing” can bring a dose of wonder into the day.
Let Go of Perfection: Perfection is impossible. Accept that you don’t have to be perfect to be a great parent or partner. In fact, embracing imperfection can relieve stress and allow for spontaneity, happy accidents, and joyful interactions.
It’s important to note here that the woman I shared about isn’t a bad mother—far from it. Her intentions come from a place of deep love and care which is true for all of us. But intentions alone aren’t enough when our actions create an environment of stress and pressure for us and those around us. The key to breaking free from the “bad” kind of busy is to shift our focus from doing everything right to being present with the people we love. After all, it’s not the activities we do but the way we make people feel that they’ll remember most.
Let’s remind ourselves that sometimes, the best thing we can do is slow down, take a breath, and simply be. We may have goals and intentions—as we absolutely should—but we can remember that there is really only one thing we are meant to be “doing” which is being a Light everywhere we go. Waking up with the main objective of being a beacon light in the lives of everyone we meet. Not to be perfect. But to be a source of light.
What a beautiful way to be.
CoDA Weekly Reading
The Road to Serenity, Peace
Part
of learning to love myself is being unafraid to show myself. I am an artist and
a poet, even if not professionally. There is nothing more authentic to being
me, than revealing this side of myself that I usually keep hidden within the
pages of endless journals never really seen. This year, I challenge myself to
be authentic in all ways.
I
am learning to rid myself of my Peacemaker self, embrace my ugly shadow self,
and learn to love all of me. I struggle immensely when I see people yelling
with anger and rage. I desperately need it to stop. So much so that I will make
it my business when it’s not. I want to stop other people from yelling – I want
to stop being triggered by what I used to know as my hurt and pain.
I
am also learning about all my fragmented parts. Those little inner child parts
of myself that rise up to keep the rest of myself safe. My Peacemaker is likely
one of those. I am finally, after almost four years of CoDA, looking inside
myself to see those little girl parts of me that are in so much pain.
I
can practice, in the moment, saying to my little self, “It’s okay, he is not
ignoring you, you are not unimportant. I have you, right here in my arms and
you are important to me.” Or “Don’t worry little one, you are not in danger.
Anger is sometimes an explosion of emotion and violence does not always follow.
You can let him yell, no one is likely to get hurt. I have you, I am holding
you, and you are safe.”
And
a wise woman once told me, “Give people the dignity to have those ugly parts of
themselves and those experiences that help them grow.” My Peacemaker can try to
stop that from happening. Peacemaking can be harmful. It can hide or deny
truths in an attempt at peace. Today, I give my Peacemaker self over to my
Higher Power. And today, I wrote this and it helps me:
In the Moment
Loving my child,
In the moment,
Will stop the hurt.
Giving myself a voice,
In the moment,
Will stop the resentments.
Accepting another’s ugly parts,
In the moment,
Will stop the blame.
Acknowledging and seeing the ugly inside myself,
In the moment,
Will bring compassion.
This is my road,
In the moment,
To serenity and peace.
Michelle M.
01/21/2021
Wednesday, 13 November 2024
On this day of your life
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I believe God wants you to know ... ... that what is
important in your life is what you decide is important --and this decision
will indelibly create who you are. When you awoke this
morning, what was the first thing on your mind? On
your list of Things To Do, what is #1? As you contemplate
your current priorities, is there a person at the top, or is
it some kind of doingness ...? Only you can know
what is catching your attention, what is calling to
you for your energy. Yet you can ask
yourself a key question... Where is love
in all of this? |
Moving From Fight, Flight, or Freeze (OM)
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Your
journey toward calm begins with a single, mindful breath — it's never too
late to restore balance and cultivate inner peace. |
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When life feels overwhelming and your
nervous system is in overdrive, it can feel like you’re caught in a
never-ending storm of fight, flight, or freeze. Old wounds might resurface as
tight muscles, a racing heart, or sheer exhaustion. But healing is possible.
Your body is not working against you — it’s trying to protect you. By
listening to your body’s signals with compassion and responding gently, you
can move out of survival mode to a place of calm, connection, and renewal. Healing starts with small, kind steps.
Practices like deep breathing, gentle movement, and grounding can help you
move from stress to safety, releasing what’s been holding you back. Each
moment you dedicate to calming your nervous system is an act of self-care
that invites more peace, presence, and possibility into your life. Try this simple practice: Sit comfortably,
place one hand on your belly, and breathe deeply, feeling your belly rise as
you inhale and fall as you exhale. This mindful breathing soothes your vagus
nerve, helping you feel more centered. Remember, it’s never too late to
restore balance, heal old wounds, and cultivate lasting inner peace. Your
journey toward calm begins with this very breath. |
Do this Instead of being Positive when Everything Falls Apart.
*warning: Adult language ahead.
How to still be positive when everything falls apart.
Don’t be. F*ck it. You’re a mess. You’re a wreck. Just be that for a while.
And remember that this is just a day. And it may be one of many.
Even the longest of tunnels have light eventually and the darkest of clouds only hide the sun, not destroy it.
You are okay.
You are okay.
No. You’re not listening.
You. Are. Okay!
Just like that. Riddled with pain and weighed down with regret. You. Are. Okay.
You are not a failure. You are not less than. It’s not that you’re “not good enough.” You are not defined by your mistakes.
You’re just a mess. A snotty, angry, grizzling mess.
Some of the most interesting and attractive people I know are a sh*t storm of a mess.
You’re okay.
But when you’re done being a pile of tears, and you may take as long as you need, grit your teeth, clench your fists, tilt your head back and scream to the moon:
“I’m not done yet!”
Because you are wonderful. You are not perfect and you nor anyone else should ever expect you to be. But you are worthy.
You are worthy of kindness. You are worthy of peace. You are worthy of love.
It will be okay. It’s going to be a hell of a ride and you are going to feel pain. But you’re also going to feel happiness and joy like you couldn’t imagine. You will love again and you will wonder why you never knew it could be this good.
You will get lost and find home.
You will break and you will heal.
You will not have to carry this weight with you forever.
You will skip one day and think that you are the luckiest person in the world.
You will lose people and you will find people.
You will win fights and lose fights. But you’ll always keep on fighting.
You will not have all these worries in your mind forever.
Today won’t even be a memory one day.
You will be happy.
I promise.
It’s all going to be okay.
You’re going to be okay.
But for now, take this tissue. I like your mess.
Because you’re most beautiful when you’re not trying.
Top 10 things to do when your life has gone to sh*t:
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Author: Andy Charnington
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo: flickr
A Person Becomes His or Her Actions (MB)
Michael Berg
November 10, 2024
This article is also available in: español | Deutsch | Português Brasileiro | italiano | עברית | français
This article was originally publlished in 2017.
In the beginning of the portion Vayera, there is the story of Abraham; on the third day of his circumcision, he's in great pain, and he sees what we know to be three angels. However, he thinks they're three regular people, invites them to eat with him, and prepares a whole meal.
There is a section that speaks about all the physical actions Abraham was taking. It tells us the details of his running after the animals, and then specifically how he cooked them. Even on a very simple level, it seems strange that the Torah would go into so much detail, telling us all about Abraham's food preparation; as such, there must be a spiritual understanding behind it.
What is the secret? It says that in the moment Abraham saw the three people who he ran to invite, the Light of the Creator was being revealed to him. And it says that Abraham essentially said to the Creator, “Wait here. Let's stop this connection so I can go take care of these three people.” The three people could have waited… so, what was Abraham’s rush?
To understand this, there's a very important section from a book called the Sefer HaChinuch which is a discussion of the 613 Mitzvot, the 613 spiritual actions, and some reasoning to each of them. In what's called the 16th Mitzvah, in the 16th section, it talks about all the different detailed actions that we do during Pesach, and the author stops to ask the question: Why do we need to do so many actions to connect us to going out of Egypt? Just as we find the same question we asked about Abraham's detailed description of his food preparation process, we ask what the need is for so many details within the action of connecting to Pesach.
Why is the Creator asking us to do so many detailed actions? Very often, people - even those who are spiritual - like to meditate or make some sort of connection, but don’t think that getting into the details of things, or to be exact about things, is “spiritual.” However, we know, kabbalistically, that it's not enough to have a consciousness or connection, or to meditate; there actually has to be action manifest in this world.
So, why can a person never achieve the purpose for which he came into this world if he is simply studying or even connecting and meditating? Why is that not a path that can lead an individual to the complete revelation of their soul's purpose in this world? And therefore, why is detailed and constant action, necessary?
One can say that on Pesach there's a great Light revealed, so we should sit for an hour and meditate for the Light of freedom, the Light of Pesach to come to us. Instead, we spend hours with so many details within the actions at the meal. Why is that necessary?
It tells us in Sefer HaChinuch that if we want to know wisdom, we should listen to this teaching: A person becomes what he does. A person becomes what his actions are. Most people think it's the other way around; if I'm a good person, I do good actions. If I'm a bad person, I do bad actions. My actions are an expression of who I am. However, he's saying the opposite is true, and that the actions actually make us who we are. And without going into the details, Nachmanides, the Ramban, speaks about all the tests that Abraham went through, a combination of which appear in the portion of Vayera,and expresses the same idea. Because, since the Creator knows what's in Abraham’s mind, heart, and soul, why is it necessary to test him?
The Ramban says that the tests were not just to reveal, but also to enable Abraham to become a more elevated person. Because a person becomes what he does. A person who does actions that are positive, sharing, or of a spiritual connection, becomes more spiritual because of those actions. We become, and we are, the actions that we do.
Now, here he says an amazing and important thing. Let’s say an internally bad person who has negative thoughts and desires decides that for the next year he’s going to force himself to do only actions of sharing and spiritual actions, even though he doesn’t want to and thinks it's the worst thing in the world. Then, he says, that since our thoughts, desires, soul, and Light are a manifestation of what we do, those actions will change the person, because we become what our actions are. And the actions will remove all the negativity from his heart and his mind. Because the heart, desire, thoughts, and mind follow the action. It is so important to understand.
Even if someone is the most elevated and spiritual person in the world, whose singular desire is to only do good and to share, and whose thoughts are all pure, does actions that are negative for a month, for example, then after that month he will be a negative person. His mind, soul, and desires will change. Because what we do affects our thoughts, creates our connection, and makes our desires. Every person becomes what they do.
We are talking here in extremes – a positive person who does only negative actions would become negative, and negative person who does only positive actions would become a positive person. But most of us are not in the extreme, we are right in the middle. So what we need to understand is that if we don't make sure that in the next day we push ourselves to do actions that are good and sharing, we cannot be sure that we are going to be a good person tomorrow.
It's very important, because this tends to go against the way most of us think. Most of us think if we’re a good person, we’re going to be a good person. Maybe we'll elevate more, become more connected, and have more Light and blessings because of it. But, this is not the case, because we become the actions that we push ourselves to do. Which means that if in the next day, we do ten actions of sharing and connection, then we are a ten times better person than if we’ve only done one action of sharing. Even if in our mind, we are pure, meditating, and only Desire to Share, but only happen to manifest one action today and another person manifests ten actions, that other person would be ten times better.
It says in the Talmud that the Creator wanted to elevate every person, and therefore, we are given so many actions and details. As such, if we want to become a better person, we have to make sure we’re doing more actions. Because the amount of actions of sharing and connections we do are how spiritual and connected we will be; and it is by those actions that we become good.
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