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Thursday, 29 February 2024
Wisdom Quote
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Who you are is
defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. Mark Manson
Human beings, it seems,
are at their best when immersed deeply in something challenging. Cal Newport
Some of us think holding
on makes us strong but sometimes it is letting go. Herman Hesse
Choice, not chance,
determines your destiny. Aristotle
On this day of your life
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I believe God wants you to know ... ... that getting
down on yourself is not the answer. Why would you do to you what God
would never do to you? The few things you
do not "get right" (whatever that is) cannot compare to
the things at which you excel. Do you know that? You
are kind, you are caring, you are generous, you are
sensitive, you are compassionate, you are forgiving, you
are more accepting than you know, and more loving
than you will give yourself credit for. Now...what else is
there? Try to understand
this: You are doing just fine. Better than 'just fine.'
You are excelling. You are magnificent, you are wonderful!
And God loves you to pieces! |
Reflections of Self (OM)
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People you feel
drawn to reflect your inner self back at you, and you act as a mirror for
them as well. When we look at other people, we see many
of their qualities in innumerable and seemingly random combinations. However,
the qualities that we see in the people around us are directly related to the
traits that exist in us. “Like attracts like” is one of the spiritual laws of
the universe. We attract individuals into our lives that mirror who we are.
Those you feel drawn to reflect your inner self back at you, and you act as a
mirror for them. Simply put, when you look at others, you will likely see
what exists in you. When you see beauty, divinity, sweetness, or light in the
soul of another, you are seeing the goodness that resides in your soul. When
you see traits in others that evoke feelings of anger, annoyance, or hatred,
you may be seeing reflected back at you those parts of yourself that you have
disowned or do not like. Because we are all mirrors for each other,
looking at the people in your life can tell you a lot about yourself. Who you
are can be laid bare to you through what you see in others. It is easy to see
the traits you do not like in others. It is much more difficult to realize
that you possess those same traits. Often, the habits, attitudes, and
behaviors of others are closely linked to our unconscious and unresolved
issues. When you come into contact with someone you
admire, search your soul for similarly admirable traits. Likewise, when you
meet someone exhibiting traits that you dislike, accept that you are looking
at your reflection. Looking at yourself through your perception of others can
be a humbling and eye-opening experience. You can also cultivate in you the
traits and behaviors that you do like. Be loving and respectful to all
people, and you will attract individuals that will love and respect you back.
Nurture compassion and empathy and let the goodness you see in others be your
mirror. |
Self-Care or Self-Absorption? Finding Balance on the Spiritual Path.
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I’ve been on the roller coaster of friendships with some so-called spiritual buddies who bail when I’m drowning. Like, “Sorry, my energy’s off.” Or “Sorry, Mercury is in retrograde.” Or friends who could not handle a divergence in opinion and send me on the ghost lane for having shared a different view or a feeling.
And, yes, that hurt. I didn’t feel like sunshine and rainbows on all those occasions, but let’s ride the wave.
To me, it is a great honour to be that trusted friend who can hold space, listen to someone’s challengingly raw experience. I’ve been set on respecting that. Most of the time. Sure, there were times I put my foot down and said, “Look, you need more than a friend; you need a therapist.”
And maybe I’ve been riding that commitment a bit too hard, even in the midst of my chaos, and that is why I am so disappointed when help is not reciprocated. I might need to unflex the “holding space” muscle.
Now when I see someone on the self-awareness train refusing to lend a hand because their vibes are off, I’m genuinely torn. Is it emotional maturity shining through, or are they just subtly being self-absorbed?
In this mad pursuit of inner zen and opening our hearts, we’re stuck in this paradox. Can you really rock self-care while aiming for “oneness” or a more compassionate world? The line between legitimate self-love and getting lost in our own vibe is a fine one I guess, testing us to question and reshape those boundaries.
Balancing act, it is, my friend (calling in my inner yoda).
Some cultures and religions bash you for prioritizing yourself, like selflessness is the Holy Grail. But going all out, neglecting your needs for the sake of others or their idea of who you should be—that’s a slippery slope to resentment and unhappiness.
For some western cultures, the religion is the self and it’s all about prioritizing yourself, your success, your wealth regardless of anything or anyone else and the planet—that is also a slippery slope to loneliness, anxiety, and self-destruction.
Life’s all about finding that sweet spot. Mastering the art of being self-aware without flipping into a self-absorbed being is a fine art. I’m all in for self-care, and I believe it is not selfish. As an empowerment coach, I’m all about guiding women to embody self-love, however, without making it all about them. Because it is not. On this wild spiritual journey, there’s this moment when your heart and throat chakras are in sync and open and you’re spreading out your gifts, your time, your kindness. Because they are not gifts if not shared. And because life feels fuller that way.
I don’t always bring this perfect, zen energy to all my yoga classes or coaching sessions. I’ve got rituals to ground myself and raise my energy before sessions, but if my vibe’s a bit off, I’m not cancelling. I’m there. Imperfect but present. Same with friendship.
Don’t get sucked into this illusion that the hours you clock in meditation or at some mind-bending workshop determine your impact and worth as a spiritual being. To me it’s about how you show up in the real world—with your family, friends, and kids. Being there for a friend brave enough to admit they’re feeling like crap. Showing up for the peeps facing life’s small or heavy punches.
Let’s steer clear of that pit of turning too inward, where it’s all about you, and love becomes this abstract concept. Love for each other, love for life, and the bonds we build.
Here’s a tip for you if you’re a bit out of sync right now and a friend of yours needs help: reflect on the support you can bring, even if you’re not riding high on energy. Maybe it’s just saying, “Hey, I’m here.” Maybe it is a phone call, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, truly listen.
There are so many ways to help even if you’re not at your peak. People need presence and understanding, especially when life’s giving them the finger.
Remember, even in your moments of dragging sluggishness, a tiny act of kindness can hit someone’s heart so deeply and make the world of difference for that person. And truly, it might also make you feel better (oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine booster my friend).
Yes lots of passion in this one.
Let’s do this.
~
Imposter Syndrome in Relationships: Why I was Addicted to Being Loved.
I’ve reached an age where I’m drawn to looking back over past loves and lives, reflecting on what did and didn’t work well and why.
Or maybe it’s been a January thing when the year ahead seems ripe with possibility and there’s an instinct to search our memories for any lessons that can ensure that we don’t repeat any past mistakes.
One theme that stands out from my mental scan of previous relationships is the extent to which I’ve suffered from a kind of romantic imposter syndrome. No matter how much I was told I was loved or appreciated, I always partly expected to be “found out” as the fairly useless human I thought I was and get rejected. And so I protected myself against the potential hurt of that by never really getting emotionally close to anyone.
This defensive distancing was paired with a deep-seated need to be validated by a partner, although if such feelings were declared, I’d feel inclined to leave before they wore off. My disappearing act was also partly motivated by a belief that no one who cared for someone of such dubious value as myself could really be worth my attention—like Groucho Marx’s famous reluctance to join any club that would have him as a member!
After going around that particular spiral a few times, I learned enough about where my low self-esteem was coming from, and with the help of good friends and some counselling, I became able to tell the difference between the negative ideas I’d accumulated about myself and a more realistic assessment of my basic worth as a man and a human, i.e. that I’m basically “enough.”
I’ve found that when feelings of love get mixed up with looking for validation, it always ends in tears because no one else will ever be able to convince me that I’m “good enough” if I don’t believe that in my own core. I’ve learned that appreciating, accepting, and respecting (i.e. “loving”) another person for who they really are and getting the same back is a marvelous gift partly because it helps us to have those feelings about ourselves too.
This kind of self-love and acceptance is essential for me to be able in turn to love my partner in a meaningful way, partly because if I thought she was wonderful and I am only second rate, I’d always feel secretly envious and insecure with her—exactly the kinds of feelings that destroy trust and intimacy.
These days I’m fairly comfortable with who I am and don’t need to be affirmed so much by my partner in order to feel okay about myself—although feeling known and accepted by her does make the world a nicer place, and our mutual caring also helps me become clearer about my own strengths and surer of my life’s purpose.
It’s why the pain that is bound to sometimes come up in an intimate relationship is always an opportunity for learning and growth, and the effort needed to listen to and understand each other’s point of view is more than made up for by the gain of feeling deeply connected to someone else, as well as to the world and to myself.
~
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Two Love Poems from Rumi for Anyone Who’s Ever Loved & Lost.
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Love is complicated.
But then I read Rumi, and I feel it’s so simple.
I read his words over and over. I delve into their hidden meanings. I look beyond letters and try to understand the love Rumi talks about.
This love is not perfect.
It’s uncertain.
It’s painful at times, but surely rewarding.
It’s egoless.
Humble.
Shy.
When I read Rumi’s poems, I feel I still have a lot of inner work to do.
I feel I still have a long way to go. I still need time and experiences and thousands of ups and downs to maybe comprehend that love goes far beyond bodies and presence. I still need at least 20 lifetimes to maybe grasp the power of love.
To love without ego, with faith, with openness, with awareness, is not easy, but it’s doable.
If you’ve loved and lost, read this. It will empower you.
If you’re not sure how to love your partner, your pet, your mother or father, your friend, yourself, read this. It will pave the way for you.
If you want to understand love—just a little bit—read this. It might teach you something.
Please, read this.
No expectations
A spirit that lives in this world
and does not wear the shirt of love,
such an existence is a deep disgrace.
Be foolishly in love,
because love is all there is.
There is no way into presence
except through a love exchange.
If someone asks, But what is love?
answer, Dissolving the will.
True freedom comes to those
who have escaped the questions
of freewill and fate.
Love is an emperor.
The two worlds play across him.
He barely notices their tumbling game.
Love and lover live in eternity.
Other desires are substitutes
for that way of being.
How long do you lay embracing a corpse?
Love rather the soul, which cannot be held.
Anything born in spring dies in the fall,
but love is not seasonal.
(Read the full poem here.)
One Swaying Being
Love is not condescension, never that, nor books,
nor any marking on paper, nor what people say of each other.
Love is a tree with branches reaching into eternity,
and roots set deep in eternity, and no trunk.
Have you seen it? The mind cannot. Your desiring cannot.
The longing you feel for this loves comes from inside you.
When you become the friend,
your longing will be as the man in the ocean
who holds to a piece of wood.
Eventually wood, man, and ocean
become one swaying being,
Shams Tabriz, the secret of God.
~
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AUTHOR: ELYANE YOUSSEF
IMAGE: MUHAMMEDSALAH_/INSTAGRAM
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