I am a
recovering codependent who was in a long-term partnership with an addict. I
recently began writing poetry verses to capture that experience. Below are two
that deal with my patterns:
Bamboozled
My eyes are
open, there is no denying the clues
My gut sends
a flash warning— things are not copacetic
I finally
trust myself again, but one conversation with you and the cunning deflection of
your word salad leaves me questioning, wondering, as you masterfully plant that
seed of doubt
Suddenly I’m
not so sure, I watch myself bending reality to make room for your stories
You look so
earnest as you artfully dismiss the clues I so carefully pieced together
You flip the
script to draw me in
I said it
wouldn’t happen this time, I thought my clarity couldn’t waiver, but I feel so
disoriented…I move slowly, trying to shake off the brain fog
As the haze
lifts, I can’t help but smile
You fool, you
fell for it
I’ve been
bamboozled once again
From a Distance
From a
distance the pain eases
I feel
steadier, the spring returns to my step and I’m no longer living on your edge
From a
distance I can almost forget
The memories
of your betrayal don’t buzz quite as loudly, even though the sting from your
bite still lingers
From a
distance is it easier to forgive
The details
get blurry and the collateral damage not quite as acute
From a
distance I piece myself back together
I recharge,
reclaim the peace I’ve so desperately longed for
From a
distance I feel a sense of peace
I start to
daydream about another outcome
From a
distance I can almost convince myself that things might change
I see a path
forward if only you would take that pivotal step
From a
distance I start to lean in, looking for a pathway back to you
Ouch! Ok!
That’s right… now I remember why I’m loving you from a distance
Nicole T
10/28/2023
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