On this day of your life

 

I believe God wants you to know ...   ... that you will benefit enormously if you simply strive to be a good person. Strive to live rightly.   This will not always be easy. It will require real work, real dedication, real commitment to the Journey of Your Soul. Yet in the end, I trust in God that it will be so very worth it, for the reward is Self Realization.   To know the Self as Who You Really Are is the goal and the opportunity of each lifetime. To expand your definition of that is the invitation.   I admire and deeply respect and salute you.

Missing Our Old Habits (OM)

 

 

 

Sometimes when we break a habit or addiction, we find ourselves missing it like a dear friend.

 

Whenever we make the effort to free ourselves of an addiction or a habit we no longer need, we are often surprised to find ourselves missing the old pattern as we would a familiar friend. This sounds counterintuitive because we think we should instinctively gravitate toward what is good for us. And yet, it makes a lot of sense when you consider that we humans are creatures of habit. This is why we gravitate to people, places, and patterns of behavior that make us feel comfortable. Therefore, many of the habits we form are not conscious and are based on learned behavior from role models who were not always making the healthiest decisions. Most addictions begin as a way of avoiding feelings that are extremely uncomfortable, so it makes sense that stopping the addiction means a fair amount of discomfort for a time. The same, of course, is true of habits that we have developed over time that we are ready to release. Just knowing that this is hard and having compassion for ourselves as we work through this process can help us to stay the course when we feel the urge to backtrack. It’s also helpful to remember that in time we will establish new, healthier patterns, and the yearning for the old ones will disappear. Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and the longing for positive change may form the basis of a new habit. The only way to get to this new place is to endure a time of difficulty, which is a challenge we can confidently handle if we remember that it will lead to the change we seek in our lives. Our bodies, hearts, and minds always need time to adjust to a new way of doing things, but they will adapt and even become our allies if we remain true to our vision of a new way.   Explore today's companion course: > Meditations to Unravel Old Patterns and Reshape Your Brain   ❁  Did you miss yesterday's inspiration? Click here to view them all.

Earthling Ed explains why Regenerative Agriculture is Bullshit.

 

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Rationalization gone wild.

Here’s a simple explanation for those of you who are honestly confused.

Leave the land alone, and it’ll absorb more carbon. Graze on it, even with rotation and mixing in various species, and you’ll reduce biodiversity while creating a net-carbon gain situation.

PS: all my friends who say they love organic, small farms, regenerative…always get the dairy and cheese and meat when we eat out, or at cafes.

My conversation with Regenerative icon Joel Salatin, 9 years ago, at Slow Money. Again: Regenerative is better than factory farming, but still murder and torture and climate heating. It’s not practical or affordable for the masses, or truly climate cooling, but definitely better!

I think about the importance of going vegan more, now, given that we have just re-elevated the worst among us to a position of power and leadership. ⁠
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Talking about meat-eating and veganism is…weird. Meat eaters get offended at any degree of anger or upset in the vegan. ⁠
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And yet full-on aggression, torture, murder of our dear animal friends…all these things are just normalized. ⁠
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We can be intellectually-curious about our “why I eat meat” contemplations. Even at their best, on a bucolic small farm (small farms are rare, and you’re not eating from them at 99% of restaurants or cafes), meat and dairy are torture, and not truly regenerative⁠
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And if meat and cheese tasted like poop, I always say, all the arguments for it would just…go away! So let’s start with honesty: most meat-eating is simply about taste. Most dairy consumption is simply about habit. ⁠
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In this world full of aggression and climate crisis, being vegan is an easy, yummy, healthy way to heal and cool our earth, and take aggression out of our societies and your body. ⁠
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And if you want to save our planet, go vegan. Something like 85% of the plants grown, and jungles and forests cleared, are to feed animal ag. Soy and veg is almost all grown for the animals we choose to torture, then murder, and steal away their young—not for we humans. Meat is really inefficient calorie-wise. ⁠
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Being vegan is a way to show up fully, three times a day, with love.

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Waylon Lewis  |  Contribution: 820,450

Waylon Lewis, founder of Elephant Journal & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat.”   Voted #1 in U.S. … Read full bio

A Mini How-To for Navigating the Holidays (MonB)

 It happened at a holiday event she attended a few years ago. My friend, a guest at an event thrown by a friend, marveled at how deftly the host managed to weave between the family and friends present. The dinner was served beautifully, the candles flickered warmly, and her home was decorated so immaculately it felt like being a movie. Everyone is around the table, enjoying themselves so thoroughly, when someone—apparently he was the host’s cousin—asked, rather loudly, “When are you finally going to get a real job?” 

Cue the record scratch.

Was it a joke? Was it out of context? My friend had no idea, but that only fueled the awkwardness. We’ve all, no doubt, experienced something similar. The room suddenly feels smaller, the twinkling lights dim, and the joy is yanked from the room. Luckily, my friend was quick on her feet. She cracked a joke about how “a real job” was on her holiday wish list! The room erupted in a chuckle (gratefully, would be my guess!) and the night proceeded on. Her experience was such a reminder that while holiday gatherings are rarely perfect… they don’t have to be disasters. 

With the right mindset—and a few well-placed jokes—we can navigate these situations with ease, turning even the most challenging gatherings into meaningful experiences. Seeing as we all have holiday events on our calendars this month, here’s a mini how-to guide:

Cue Up Your Consciousness for Joy

Before stepping into any event, take a moment to set an intention. Are you there to reconnect with loved ones, celebrate achievements, or simply enjoy a festive atmosphere? No matter what the event is, you can choose ahead of time to find and focus on the joy. 

Embrace Small Talk

Yes, most of us would rather not. But small talk doesn’t have to be awkward or strenuous! It can actually be an amazing exercise in curiosity. Prepare a little list of open-ended questions to spark conversation. For example:

“What’s been the highlight of your year so far?”

“What’s your favorite holiday tradition?” 

“What’s a favorite childhood memory you have from a holiday?”

Focusing on the other person can ease tension and shift the spotlight away from any discomfort.

Difficult Conversations are Calls for Empathy

Family gatherings often, or inevitably, bring up sensitive topics—whether it’s unsolicited advice, differing opinions, or revisiting old wounds. Instead of engaging defensively, try to lead with empathy. This might take a little more time, energy, or preparation, but it will be worth it. 

1. First, understand that holidays and family gatherings stir up emotions for everyone—we have no idea what someone else is experiencing, and their reactions are rarely personal to us. 
2. Decide ahead of time to cultivate an empathetic perspective. Holiday events may be where the difficult conversation happens, but they don’t need to be where we engage. Offer an empathetic response such as “I really hear you” or “I see that you’re upset. How can I help?”

Finally, Know When to Exit Gracefully

Sometimes, the best way to handle a tough or awkward situation is to leave it. If the event becomes too overwhelming, it’s okay to head out early. Thank the host, offer a warm goodbye, and leave on a positive note. Prioritizing your well-being is an act of self-care, not selfishness, and will ensure that your holiday experiences remain joyful.

The holidays don’t have to be a minefield of discomfort. With a little preparation, empathy, and a touch of humor, you can handle even the trickiest events with grace. Who knows? You might even find yourself creating unexpected moments of connection or memories that you end up cherishing for years to come. After all, the true spirit of the season is about connection, love, and a willingness to show up as your best self—even when it’s not easy.

Surviving the Holidays while Grieving.

 

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The bittersweetness of the holidays started early for me this year.

On Thanksgiving, I went to an early yoga class in an attempt to start the day off on the right foot. But after class, as I got my sweaty self into my car to drive home to my family, I felt a familiar ache in my chest. Within moments, I was sobbing in my car.

The grief storm surprised me, though perhaps it shouldn’t have. I’ve always had an uneasy relationship with the winter holidays, and when my little brother died, it sealed the deal—the holidays officially sucked, the memories of happier Christmases taunting me.

When one of my best friends died in the middle of December a few years later, that brought a new sheen to my pain around the holidays. Add onto that a traumatic medical crisis with my newborn daughter that went down on the anniversary my friend’s death, and my body now associates this time of year with loss and angst.

Even though it’s been nearly 19 years since my brother’s death, and 16 since my friend’s, and my daughter is now a vibrant six-year-old, and even though I have a lovely young family who brings new light and love to this time of year, my body still remembers so much sadness.

There’s so much pressure for the holidays to be the best time of the year. The most magical and wonderful. But it’s not like that for all of us, and that pressure can feel like salt in the wound if we’re already struggling.

Over time, I’ve edged closer to accepting the mixed bag of the holidays. Creating new traditions helps. Adding in extra self-care helps. And making sure I’m allowing outlets for my grief helps.

And more and more, this helps:

Believing that the real work of the human heart and mind is learning to hold complicated feelings simultaneously. To feel breathless gratitude for our life and loved ones, while also feeling the deep bruise of grief for those who are no longer here. To pause and take in the beauty of warm-white holiday lights, while also holding the ache of loss for whoever and whatever might be missing from our lives.

It also helps to remember that whatever feelings we’re having are okay. It’s okay to find moments of pleasure and warmth while we’re grieving. And it’s okay to have deep, spiraling moments of heartache even if it’s been years since a loss.

My understanding is that the winter holidays started because December is the darkest month of the year. The trees go bare, the light shimmies away, and we curl inward. Solstice—which eventually morphed into the Christian holiday of Christmas—was all about bringing light and hope into the darkest times.

So what better time to practice all this holding all of these deep textures of dark and light.

I’m wishing you all a heart and a holiday that’s wide enough to hold it all.

~

 

~

Author: Lynn Shattuck
Image: Anca Luchit/Unsplash 
Editor: Catherine Monkman

CoDA Weekly Reading

 

I Can Change

Before I started CoDA I was filled with rage. I didn’t even know what rage was. I knew I was angry. I knew I was resentful. I knew I felt fear, but I didn’t know that rolled altogether this created rage. 

I grew up in a rage filled home. My father would get explosively angry and bite his fists. Occasionally his fists would “bite“ someone else who got in his way. I heard stories and even witnessed a few of those physical altercations during my childhood. He never hit his children, but fear of his explosive anger and what passerby would be the victim of his physical attack was always palpable. 

After attending CoDA for some time, I learned this definition of rage and understood on some level that I was playing out this unhealthy coping mechanism in my own way. I had silent, seething rage. I had passive-aggressive behavior. I had lies and manipulation. I had retaliation through hurtful words and scornful looks. I judged and disapproved ragefully at others. 

I could not understand why I had this running dialogue in my mind of all the reasons I was angry at my husband. I would walk around yelling at him in my mind. I had not learned about the CoDA crazies yet. 

On the outside I was compliant, fearing rejection and abandonment. I started to understand what minimizing, denying or altering my feelings looked like. I learned that codependency is chronic self-abandonment. 

As I kept coming back, I began to understand how to put my Fourth Step into action and that I had choices. I didn’t need to continue using the dysfunctional coping skills I observed and practiced in childhood. 

I had to have the courage to change, to make new choices. 

Today I am more in touch with my needs, feelings and wants. Sometimes it is very uncomfortable practicing awareness and feeling like I am not strong enough yet, not certain enough in my choices. 

Thankfully I have a program. I have CoDA friends that I can reach out to. I have people that I trust. 

Some days I walk around and the CoDA crazies are like a swarm of bees following me, but eventually I have the awareness to say I am powerless to control my unhealthy thinking. I ask my higher power for strength and guidance. 

I now have begun to develop intimacy in my relationship with my husband. We share when one of us has hurt the other's feelings. I have learned how to listen and ask myself, do I need to make amends? 

It’s still hard and I get scared often, but I have evidence now that I can change and so can my relationships, and that gives me just enough strength and courage to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to honor my anger and to try and do things differently. 

I hope that one day I can look back and see how this program has positively impacted my son. I hope I see him using program tools without even realizing that’s what they are, because he witnessed a healthier way. I’ll turn that over to my higher power for now though, because I can go crazy thinking about that, and I love my peace of mind more. 

Catherine, codependent  

11/10/2024 

Inspiration Quote

 

Change

 

I dare to listen to my inner voice with a new trust today.- Ruth Fishel Sometimes a small stirring, an uncomfortable feeling comes into our stomachs and we don't always know what the cause is and we want it to go away. We don't want to hear what it is telling us. Other times a truth yells at us so loudly that we can't avoid hearing it and we know that it is time for change and that scares us, too. We want the feeling that the new knowledge creates to go away also. Even though we know that...