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Hurtful confrontations often leave us
feeling drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may
ask ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak
that way toward us. It’s important to remember that there are no real targets
in an emotional attack. Usually it’s just a way for the attacker to
redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves. When people
are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may see
themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of protection or
to make themselves feel better. You may be able to shield yourself from
an emotional attack by not taking the behavior personally. First,
however, it is good to cultivate a state of detachment that can provide
you with some protection from the person who is attacking you. This will
allow you to feel compassion for this person and remember that their
behavior isn’t as much about you as it is about their need to vent their
emotions.
If you have difficulty remaining
unaffected by someone’s behavior, take a moment to breathe deeply and
remind yourself that you didn’t do anything wrong. You aren’t responsible
for people’s feelings. If you can see that this person is indirectly
expressing a need to you — whether they are reaching out for help or
wanting to be heard — you may be able to diffuse the attack by getting
them to talk about what is really bothering them.
You cannot control other people’s
emotions, but you can control your own. If you sense yourself responding
to their negativity, try not to let yourself. Keep your heart open to
them, and they may let go of their defensiveness and yield to your
compassion and openness.
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