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“I want to fuck your soul.”
My Italian lover said, as he looked directly into my eyes.
I met his words with a spark of delight in my soul.
For years as a somatic sexologist and directing a globally accredited sexuality school, I recognized, what most do in this field, that on the surface people come to become interested in their sexuality by way of a problem, curiosity, dissatisfaction, or longing.
Sexually
>> Premature ejaculation.
>> Numbness.
>> Feeling overwhelmed by desire.
>> Pain during sex.
>> Erectile dysfunction.
>> Porn addiction.
In Life
>> Desire to deepen into connection.
>> Boredom.
>> Lack of purpose.
>> Wanting what someone else has.
>> Continually abandoning yourself.
>> Feeling empty.
>> Simply curious about sex and sexuality.
And when individuals are brought to the doorway of sexuality by way of a “problem,” there is usually a pause.
It is in that pause where a deeper question reveals itself.
A deeper fear.
A silent whisper.
What if I step through this doorway and it leads me somewhere I cannot return from?
What if it shows me something of myself I cannot un-see?
Many are led to explore sexuality—sexually.
But not many pass through the doorway of sexuality and allow it to shine a light on what it might reveal about who they are.
This is what makes answering the call to sexuality so terrifying.
Deep down, there is a part of us that recognizes and knows that the problem really isn’t the problem.
And going further may lead us somewhere in ourselves we cannot return from.
Because the exploration into these “problems” can reveal deep truths about:
Your marriage.
How you love.
Your deepest desires.
What you actually want in life versus the life you are living.
Your anger.
Your choices.
And once these parts are seen, you may not be able to “unsee” them.
Sexuality, in its purest form of life force—Kundalini—is here to obliterate anything false, bring it to the surface, and reveal only truth.
Sexuality is one of the ways the soul calls a person toward a life that is more true. More in alignment with soul.
And not many people are really ready to face the “truth” underneath their sexual problems.
This is why answering the call to sexuality is not an act of sexual liberation.
It is an act of courage.
It takes courage to meet fear.
A fear of the unknown.
A fear of the darkness.
A fear that what we discover may ask something of us.
Because the real question at the doorway of sexuality is not simply, Am I willing to explore my sexuality?
It is:
>> Am I willing to see myself?
>> Am I willing to explore where my desires take me?
>> Am I willing to look at what my numbness is aching for?
>> Am I willing to feel the story of my body?
>> Am I willing to truly look at what deep down I already know, but have been afraid to admit?
Perhaps this is what it means for sexuality to call the soul forward.
It does not promise that we will remain the person we were before we stepped through the doorway.
In fact, perhaps that is precisely the point.
Sexuality asks us to enter without knowing who we will be on the other side.
And that takes courage.
So, how do you know if sexuality is calling your soul forward?
Listen for the place you are afraid to step forward…even though something has led you there.
(To know the call to sexuality and to find the courage to answer is part of the concept Sexual Intelligence and Sexual Literacy I have been writing about here on Elephant Journal and teaching on in my Sexual Intelligence Level 1 Course. Find the link for more in my Elephant Journal bio.)
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