My innocence had been taken from me physically and emotionally leaving my self esteem at rock bottom. I continued to have emotional rock bottoms until I found alcohol. To me, this gave me the courage to be me. I now know it wasn’t the real me.
It took away my self hate and worthlessness. I drank 24 hours a day for 6 years, then I reached what I now understand to be my rock bottom. My soul was lost. I didn’t know who I was meant to be. I thought love was doing what everyone wanted me to do, even if I didn’t want to do it.
I have now been sober for 3 years and 6 months. During this recovery time I have found how codependent I had become with everyone around me. To give me confidence. If it wasn’t given to me I had none. My husband only had to look at me in the wrong way, for me, and it would totally ruin my day. I just had no self worth from within.
I began to hear in my fellowship self worth, and how to be myself. I bought many books, including one about Codependency. This started me on my road to recovery for codependency. It is a crippling illness. I didn’t have alcohol to fall back on so I worked through the feelings and pain of finding myself.
I started to expand and signed up online and now get the readings. It is still a work in progress for me but through this fellowship I have learnt that I am who I am and to be happy and safe with that. I am still with my husband and he too can relax more with his facial expressions—after all, it is not all about me.
Jill M - 12/2/19
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