The Four
Magic Words of Recovery
Magic for me are the words, “ouch”,
“oops”, “help” and “no”. I don’t know where they came from. Like so much CoDA
wisdom, that will probably always remain anonymous. Wherever they came from,
they serve me well.
“Ouch” is the first one because I
have to start by paying attention to myself. Ignoring hurts is not ok, not only
physically but also emotionally. It is not ok for me to be berated or talked
over or dominated or even ignored. I have a right to be a respected part of any
group I am in. And so I have a right and an obligation to speak up against such
affronts. This is a key part of me being me.
“Oops” is because none of us is
perfect and life is messy. It is a small, humble word, easy to slip in so
matters don’t escalate. Impossible expectations no longer burden me. I can be
tolerant of me, and all things, as we are.
“Help” follows on that realization
of faultedness and points me to becoming a “we” who can do so much more than I
can ever do alone. Indeed, I struggled alone so long before I found the
fellowship of CoDA where my recovery and growth took off. That internal miracle
suggests what some assemblage of “we” can do in the world as
well.
“No” is the shortest of all, and the most
powerful of all. Two year olds know this and say so loudly. But so many of us
had that beaten down or ignored. We learned to suppress in order to survive.
Or, what I am suspecting was my case, I was protected from the consequences of
not saying no to my own harmful impulses and was thus infected with a sense of
entitlement. Either way, I have to be ready with this two letter word to others
and, even more so, to myself.
These small words, each a complete
sentence, achieve so much, so simply. All I need is the wisdom to know when
they are needed and the courage to say them.
JB – 3/20/19
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