9 Steps To Defending Your Character When It’s Smeared By A Narcissist

 How on earth do you defend your character when you have been smeared by a narcissist?

When you try, this is what you usually experience …

Being labelled as the bad one.

People believing the narcissist.

The harder you try to defend yourself, the deeper you dig yourself into a hole, and the more traumatising it becomes.

This is what you need to know more than anything – there are other ways to defend yourself effectively.

And … these are all counter-intuitive.

As “unnatural” as these ways feel, please know, from the bottom of my heart, that these 9 ways to defend your character when being smeared by a narcissist WORK, and that’s what really matters!

Before I go any further, I just want to let you know, much of what I talk about in this article (taking you power back powerfully and quickly plus so MUCH more) is going to be covered in my upcoming FREE global Masterclass. Check it out as it is filling quickly!

So, Let’s now get on to today’s 9 steps to defending your character when it’s smeared by a narcissist.

 

Number 1: Release From Inside Of You What Is Triggered

This is the biggie, and it’s the vital starting point.

Narcissistic abuse is not a logical thing – it is a deep spiritual battle for your Soul.

The narcissist has the uncanny and eerie ability to activate within you all of your deepest fears and insecurities. In other words, your inner unconscious, unhealed parts.

In regard to being smeared, one of the most traumatising human terrors is the fear of persecution.

I used to have it horrifically (just as I know so many of you do too).

This I discovered with smearing, when I turned inwards to tackle the inner horror I was experiencing as a result of being smeared, a huge shift occurred. It released the fears and anxieties (that literally felt like I could die) as well as the compulsions of trying to change everyone’s mind regarding what they were hearing about me.

I was able to heal these terrors completely. I did this with NARP processes.

The fear dissolved. Which then granted me the calm, peace and solidness to tackle these next steps.

 

Number 2: It Isn’t Important What Others Think Of You

One of the most beautiful passages of starting to heal the Thriver Way is that we gain personal emotional freedom. Meaning the embodiment of “no-one has power over me unless I believe they do.”

After turning inwards to release the triggered trauma of persecution and smearing, a wonderful shift in consciousness occurs. You realise that you KNOW that you are a good person. You know what you did or didn’t do. You know that you have integrity.

You also begin to realise that it isn’t important what others think about you, it’s important what you think about you.

The sting is gone. You can step back, let go and allow people to think what they want to think. You also anchor into a deeper wisdom that the truth is the truth.

In all of the years I have seen smearing happen in this community – which is incredibly common because all narcissists discredit and devalue at the end of their relationships – it’s the people who are solid in their belief in self who have the least fallout.

In these situations the smears don’t go far, nothing really happens and other people in their life generally follow their powerful inner belief in themselves. The narcissist usually has very little impact. The truth just is, and there is nothing left to prove or justify to anyone … unless of course it becomes necessary which leads us to number 3.

 

Number 3: Present The Truth Unemotionally And Factually

I would strongly suggest NOT fighting back with what you have been smeared with unless you have authorities after you, or court cases related to this.

The more inner work you have done to release your trauma, and the more you are anchored into a calm and powerful feeling of inner solid truth – the more powerfully you will present your case.

One of our lovely Thrivers, Teresa, had the narcissist report her to family services with all sorts of horrible accusations against her and her new partner. Teresa, was horrified. The allegations were disgraceful, damning and totally false and fraudulent. Child services had taken them very seriously and she and her partner were under heavy scrutiny.

Teresa, as a NARP member, took her triggered trauma (which felt like panic) to NARP Modules number 1 and 8 and did the work until there was no emotional charge left whatsoever. Then she intuitively and organically “knew” what to do. She gathered her supporting evidence, including previous saved threatening emails from her ex, supportive and credible character witnesses and was able to show up calm and solid in her body presenting her evidence factually, rationally and credibly.

She was believed. Her ex unravelled and was found out in the lies and got into serious trouble for the phony report.

Teresa completely realised that if she had tried to tackle what had happened within the consciousness of her panicked trauma that there was no way she would have been able to generate such a powerful result.

 

Number 4: Show Up With Your Head High

One of the 9 most powerful ways to defend your character when smeared by a narcissist, is to simply, purely and magnificently “be yourself”.

I want you to know from my Soul to yours that the greatest freedom of Thriving is being yourself regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing. When you are working on your Inner Being, and you are self-partnered, you know that this is the ultimate freedom and power that you will ever have.

This is the thing regarding narcissists – they feed off your fear. They need your fear. It grants them the energy to operate. It you are being smeared and it causes you to bite, react, or feel terrorised and traumatised, then the narcissist has won.

Not only does it validate them, because people will see your triggered reactions and believe that you are guilty, it also grants them the Grade A narcissistic supply of, “I am significant because I can affect you significantly.”

When you are just being you, and glowing your “self” it takes away all of the narcissist’s power. It also creates as a powerful shift where all of the smears dissolve away to nothing.

Truly … I have seen this happen more times than I could ever express to you.

When you reach this level, the attacks are gone.

 

Number 5: Shine The Powerful Light Of Exposure

If you experience subterfuge within an office or committee setting – such as when you are in a professional or commercial group of people and someone is smearing you behind your back, then I would completely recommend calling a group meeting – and getting all the facts and information openly on the table.

You can also use this when someone is treating you unfairly, in a bullying way or illegally. Expose it. Shine a huge light on it. Bring it fully out in into the light in front of all concerned, where there is nowhere left for someone to hide.

This is much easier to do professionally than in a social setting – where someone can wiggle out of the “meeting” and play games way out of bounds.

It’s much easier to control in a more structured setting.

What you will discover is that narcissists, like vampires, love to operate in the shadows. When exposed in the daylight with nowhere to hide they shriek and explode!

Years ago, I was dealing with a narcissist in a body corporation (condominium) situation. She was a horrible narcissistic neighbour threatening, smearing me and trying to get rid of me with the condominium association managers and other residents.

I exposed her behaviour by cc’d emails to everyone in the body corporation and also at a body corporation meeting. I expressed her insane demands, behaviour and bullying. Openly, fearlessly, unemotionally and factually.

Not long after that she sold her place and moved out.

She had to; the game was up.

 

Number 6: Have Boundaries

When you are being smeared you may be attacked by other people who have been influenced by the narcissist.

Honour and value yourself. You don’t have to explain and justify yourself, and you do not need to accept abuse.

If people treat you badly detach from them and block and delete if necessary. If you need to take out intervention orders against their harassment or behaviour, then do so.

Keep working on any emotions that are being triggered, and keep walking a powerful and straight line to respect yourself and live the life you were born to live regardless of what anyone else is doing.

This is true power. When you don’t supply these people your negative energy, detach with powerful boundaries and don’t feed them, these people lose energy very quickly.

 

Number 7: Allow The Shift In People, Organisations And Groups

After being smeared by a narcissist, it can change the playing board of your life considerably.

I really believe in this philosophy – the people who are meant to be in your True Life will be True to you. The people who aren’t won’t.

This is what myself and so many people have discovered as a result of profound and dramatic smearing in our life – the people who weren’t meant to be in our life went. What wasn’t real and true didn’t stand, and left.

In reflection that person, group and organisation wasn’t meant to be in your life. Source and life experiences (that were meant to be) took it away. How did we discover this to be true – by continuing with our Thriver Healing journey and then experiencing the up-level of the much higher vibrational people, groups, organisations and opportunities from truly evolutionary human interaction that entered our life.

You have this to look forward to, so don’t hang on to what is being taken away from you!

I know this is not so easily applicable with family members and especially your children (I will address this soon).

 

Number 8: Forgive Those Who Return

Narcissists are very convincing.

This is why – they look people straight in the eyes and come out with huge outrageous lies that good people hear and can’t imagine that a grown adult could say such things unless they were true.

Narcissists KNOW how to lie and be trusted, they have been doing it for all of their lives. They also usually believe their own lies (as a result of their highly disordered and delusion thought processes) hence why they are so hard to detect.

So many of us Thrivers, after healing and no longer having any attachment to who does or doesn’t believe us, had the experience of many people, apologising and coming back into our lives.

If we are humble and honest with ourselves, we know that back in the day narcissists also convinced us about terrible things about people in their lives (usually with ex partners who were actually the victims and not the perpetrators).

Recognising this, I allowed people back into my life who apologised and totally realised the truth, all by themselves, with me not needing to do anything.

This included family members, as well as my son.

From my heart to yours please know how regularly this happens in our Thriver Community when people let go and heal themselves.

 

Number 9: Healing Alienations

The most heartbreaking consequence of smearing is alienation from loved ones.

Such as your children.

I almost experienced this with my own son, and I know many beautiful Thrivers who have suffered this devastation.

If this has been your horrific experience, I want to grant you hope. One of our most senior Thrivers Dot, had been alienated from her children from her second narcissistic marriage. She hadn’t seen her children or grandchildren from that marriage for 32 years.

With the use of NARP, Dot faced and healed the absolute trauma of that loss. She kept shifting out the trauma and transforming it with Source until she reached a place of love and inner peace. One morning she woke up, and the longstanding pain was gone.

Shortly after that her son tracked her down and contacted her after all those decades of silence.

Today Dot spends time with all her family and her grandchildren and is gloriously reunited.

Do I think that this is a coincidence?

Not at all. I have seen it happen time and time again, how powerful it is to reconcile the inner work and then experience the match of that – reconciliation from the outer world.

It’s Quantum Law, and has occurred for more Thrivers than I could even begin to share with you.

 

In Conclusion

I deeply wish that today has helped give you hope, faith and comfort that there is relief, power and rebuild from the soul-changing experience of narcissistic smearing.

I have known for a long time that our greatest gold is mined from the deepest of darkness. Smearing is one of those occasions and opportunities.

If what I have written deeply resonates with you, I would love you to check out NARP which is the path that myself and so many others took to evolve and liberate ourselves.