Being infiltrated by a narcissist is literally like being poisoned.
Not only do you feel like your Life Force is sucked out of you, you also feel like you have dark sticky black ink permeating every part of your being. There is also a sensation akin to white hot shards of glass coursing through your veins and brain fog, panic and depression whilst struggling to believe that you can reclaim your Soul and life.
Getting a narcissist out of your life is more complex than just saying “goodbye!” Physical departure is not enough. Neither is physical space. Sometimes you can’t get that space, because of shared custody, or the narcissist living in your vicinity.
What is vital to get a narcissist out of your mind, body and Soul is to detox from them.
Thoroughly from the inside out.
Before we dive deeper into this, I want to let you know about my upcoming 10-week program starting in May called “Thrive”. It’s for anyone who isn’t yet thriving after abuse.
Each week we’ll be doing enlightening and transformational workshops, powerful global Quanta Freedom Healings, live Q&As and lots more … to help you finally heal your trauma and any stubborn blocks stopping you from spreading your wings and Thriving. You can find out all the details and register for your spot here: melanietoniaevans.com/thrive
Okay … so in this very important article I present to you seven powerful ways that you can detox from the narcissist, so that you literally purge them out of your heart, Soul, mind and life.
Number 1 – Let Go
Easier said than done you may say! And I concur, it is.
I want you to know this from the bottom of my heart, “letting go” is the first powerful step to detox a narcissist from your mind, body and Soul.
What does “letting go” really mean? It means recognising that this person is destroying you and can’t stay in your life so you need to detach.
Letting go is a powerful act of loving yourself.
It’s difficult because everything within you is screaming at you not to do this. You want justice. You want recognition. You want this person to get it. You want to hold this person accountable. You want them to pay for the damage that they have done to you.
I understand all of this, and this is completely justifiable. Yet, hanging on brings more toxicity and poison into every aspect of your life. It enmeshes you with the narcissist, while he or she extracts narcissistic supply from you, continues to punish you, keeps you on the hook, and extracts more and more of your Life Force as time goes on.
It equals how to lose. It means co-participating in your own inevitable demise.
This is why every time a narcissist tries to reel you back in with a comment, an insult, an accusation, a “poor me” victim statement, a tactic to trigger you, and smear you and hurt you, you have to say –“No more!”
But know that your “No more” isn’t “spoken”. In fact, sometimes mere words are counterproductive. Especially with narcissists – it just feeds them additional energy and attention.
Actions mean so much more than words. Your “No more” needs to be “I will no longer participate with you”. Any words, any messages, any acknowledgement or response to the narcissist is narcissistic supply. It feeds the beast the emotional attention and energy that allows them to continue hurting you.
So how do you demonstrate “I will no longer participate with you?”
By doing just that … no longer participating – and then continuing on with the steps below.
Number 2 – Turn Inwards To Support Yourself
Please understand the narcissist is a False Source. You were or are trying to get kindness, decency, understanding, validation, amends, support and humanity from this person. You came up empty because every time you try to get that from this person, they only assault your Soul harder.
This is pushing you to the ultimate act of letting go, self-partnering, turning inwards and returning the power and truth to your own Soul, by you granting your devastated Inner Being all of these commodities – kindness, decency, validation, amends, support and humanity.
At first this feels horrific. Because of having suffered the trauma of narcissistic abuse, you feel anxious, disjointed and disassociated from yourself, to the point where to be alone with your own trauma may feel completely and utterly unbearable.
I want you to know this more than anything, your Inner Being, which is the true essence of yourself is now feeling broken and terrorised. The evidence of this is the highly activated trauma that is erupting within you.
This is your Inner Being screaming out FOR you. Yes, for YOU, no one else but you. Your Inner Being, which includes the emotional combination of unhealed childhood wounds, and repeat adult wounds, wants you to turn inwards with love. With the unconditional love and support that you want so desperately from outside of yourself right now.
This is where the metal hits the road … I want you to know this with all my heart – when you turn inwards with integrity, dedication and this mantra, “Sweetheart I am here for you. I am so sorry that I have tried to get False Sources to love and heal you. I love you, I will hold you and help heal you and I promise you that I am never leaving again”, this is when your Inner Being, as traumatised as he or she is, will start to settle down knowing that FINALLY you have shown up.
This is your coming home to yourself, heralding the beginning of your true and whole life.
Number 3 – Resist The Narcissist’s Mischief
There are some distinct challenges along the way when detoxing yourself from a narcissist.
Number three, is vital. Leaving a narcissist is unlike the usual heartbreak of the end of a regular relationship. There are many toxic binds that have been attached to your Inner Being, for the narcissist to extract narcissistic supply from you.
You need to understand the truth about narcissistic supply – it doesn’t need to be physical. It doesn’t need to be about this person seeing you in person and getting a feed from you, or even receiving your messages or emails.
Narcissistic supply, above all, is psychic and parasitical. If you have fear and pain inside you, that the narcissist has been able to activate, then he or she is getting a feed from your emotional energy.
This is what narcissists live on – the fear, dread and powerlessness of others. It is literally their food source, as it is for every dark being who is disconnected from True Source.
The narcissist’s mischief is initiating the things that trigger you and pulls you into being narcissistic supply again. Meaning you wanting to reconnect or obsessing about the narcissist or being stuck in the brain frog of wondering, pining, or going back over the good times, or spending hours trying to decipher a narcissist’s cryptic message.
Narcissists know your Inner Being intimately. They know what actions work on you, such as accusations, apologies, memorabilia, sentiments, appealing to your compassionate side, replacing you, or even stonewalling you or ignoring you for extended amounts of time. They know the actions that are going to keep you emotionally and psychically hooked to them.
People ask me, “What is the narcissist going to do next?” My answer is, “Exactly what’s going to emotionally negatively trigger you, or keep you in a state of obsession.”
Knowing this will help. Because you get that the narcissist’s game plan is to keep you hooked and unable to detox from them.
This also helps you to detox!
Whatever is triggered is the very thing that you can turn inwards to detox within yourself, rather than falling for the mischief.
This is a HUGE key to your freedom and recovery!
Number 4 – Make This All About You
Detoxing from a narcissist is not possible when you are looking outwards to try to work out, get ahead of, or navigate what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.
Yes, initially, learning about narcissism is helpful to understand the phenomena. However, if you stay stuck in researching narcissists endlessly trying to detox yourself, you will not heal.
There is only one way to effectively detox from a narcissist; by turning inwards to make this vital emotional detox all about meeting your Inner Being and healing yourself.
How to start effectively doing that is to connect with the triggers that have gone off within you emotionally that the narcissist has activated. This is what has kept you trauma bonded and is how the narcissist has been able to psychically attach to you to suck out your Life Force.
It’s impossible to stop the narcissist doing this, but it is incredibly possible for you to detox these parts of you, so that you are no longer unconsciously holding onto the other end of the stick that is keeping you connected.
Then it will end.
Taking back your power means letting go of the narratives of “what happened to me”, to turn inwards with self-love, devotion and the desire to deeply heal and up-level your Inner Being beyond ever going through this again, by saying, “What part of myself requires my healing and support to never again be vulnerable or infiltrated by people like this?”
What you will discover, by doing that dedicated inner Thriver Recovery work, is the narcissist fades into the background, your trauma symptoms start to melt away, and you will get excited about your graduations, up-levelling and increase in health, power, strength, optimism and capacity to rebuild in empowered and positive ways.
They say that the very best revenge is success.
This is inevitable if you make this experience all about healing you, and less and less about them.
Number 5 – Stop Handing Power Away
As you go forward into the healing of your Inner Being become aware of where you have been handing power away.
If you are trying to work out custody and property deals with the narcissist, stop dancing around his or her wounds, trying to keep the narcissist happy and make a deal.
If you give a narcissist an inch, they will take a mile.
Keep healing and empowering yourself, be very clear and go on the offensive. Make sure you don’t hand over any emotional energy, keep healing any inner parts that are getting triggered so that you stay calm, clear and powerful, and stand clear in the finalisation of things. If you need to go to court then I highly suggest this resource to help you: How To Beat The Narcissist In A Divorce – Interview With An Expert
You will discover just how powerless the narcissist is when they can no longer trigger you and you are no longer handing your power away.
Be calm, clear, powerful and in integrity – heal until you are “anti-fear”. That puts you into your most powerful position.
You will also love your newfound and activated boundaries in all of your life. No longer will you just “go along to get along” (you now know how badly that turns out!).
This is the time of forging out your truth and values and living aligned with them and seeing how your life will dramatically shift to support you in healthy ways.
Number 6 – Detox Your Life
Narcissists are toxic. And, we are most susceptible to them when we are toxic.
Absolutely, we have unhealed, unresolved inner wounds after narcissistic abuse that require healing and detoxification. There are also other aspects of our life that we may not have realised were unhealthy.
Things like addictions to smoking, alcohol, junk food, overworking, binging on social media, shopping, gambling or drugs. Maybe we have been self-avoiding and self-abandoning the love, respect and care for ourselves by indulging in toxic behaviours that may grant us some relief at the moment but ultimately end up creating more damage for ourselves down the track.
Maybe we are used to complaining, judging others and being incredibly righteous with the ways that we call out the horrors of the world. Of course, this is understandable, but if we are continually indulging in the inner chemicals of toxicity, then we are susceptible to toxic people.
I love our Thriver Community because there is such an understanding of cleaning up our inner and outer lives, to be as whole, healthy and confident as we can. It doesn’t mean that we are not going to have fun at times or be human (everything in balance) yet this means striving towards health, freedom, empowerment, and solid self-partnering so that we can navigate our lives into healthy, joyful and loving waters, safely.
I love this expression, “We will never accept a level of love less than the level that we have for ourselves”.
Eating clean food, drinking filtered water, having an exercise routine, and dropping destructive and life-sapping activities and people are such beautiful and powerful ways to raise the bar of our self-love and self-worth.
I know how much this life orientation has done for me, just as it will for you.
Number 7 – Empower Your Life
Continual growth of your Inner Being empowers your life. Narcissists are unconscious, they always believe that their life is someone else’s fault and they refuse to take any personal responsibility, heal their Inner Being, learn from their mistakes or grow.
Narcissists self-avoid, self-abandon their inner triggers, self-medicate with outer attention and stuff, and never come home to heal and becoming whole within themselves.
If you are not striving to be self-partnered, self-devoted and committed to your inner development and growth, this can leave you out on the ledge of unconscious energy where unknowingly you will continue to seek other dis-integrated people to try to fulfill yourself.
Water does seek its own level.
This doesn’t mean that we are bad people, rather it means that we are unconscious to the truth – “I am the generative source of my own life experience, and ONLY I have the power to change this by healing and changing myself”.
When you commit to changing and healing yourself (the right way – from the inside out) then you are no longer on the trajectory where a narcissist can pick you off and feed from you.
Rather, you will be in your body, connected to your intuition, showing up authentically and able to flush out narcissists without being fearful of them. You will also have realised that any previous toxic people in your life have no more power over you than the little man or woman hiding behind the curtain, no longer getting their power from the unhealed traumas and fears within yourself.
When you know that the narcissist was a healing catalyst (albeit a very painful and impactful one) in your life, and this is between your True Source and yourself, then you can become completely detoxed from narcissists, their web and their ability to emotionally and energetically infiltrate you.
You are in a higher energetic field – one that is much further ascended than where they dwell.
In Conclusion
If you are still struggling to extract yourself from the emotional and energetic clutches of a narcissist, to get relief and freedom so you can start to Thrive, I would love to help you achieve this.
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