I think you know how BAD the rumination is …
The going over and over and over the same painful thoughts … ad nauseam … until you feel like you are going crazy.
Why can’t you get to a place of stopping your obsessing over the same material?
Why can’t you move on from it?
Today I want to talk to you about what these painful feelings really are, as well as how to stop the painful thoughts forever … Yes! I mean forever!
Painful Rumination – The Curse Of Narcissistic Abuse
Please know that you are not going crazy and that you are not alone. Painful rumination is synonymous with narcissistic abuse, and there doesn’t seem to be a time limit to it. The expression “time heals all wounds” does not apply to narcissistic abuse. These continually looping thoughts don’t mean that you are defective or unable to heal, even if you have still been ruminating over what happened to you for decades.
In my experience in dealing with my own previous chronic rumination, as well as that from countless others (everyone I have helped heal from narcissist abuse) the common thread is the continual thoughts about the disgusting things that the narcissist did to them. As well as the, “what if I did something different to fix this” or, “is this person thinking of me, missing me and feeling remorseful for what they did to me”.
It’s also about the good times that they miss with this person, what this person is up to, the devastation over being replaced, or whether or not the relationship with the new person is working out.
The terrible thing about continual ruminating thoughts is that they suck your energy dry, whereby you may feel it nearly impossible to operate in your everyday life. It literally robs you of your Life Force.
Let’s have a deeper look at the absolute truth of rumination – it’s actually a physiological problem NOT a psychological one.
Let me explain.
How Rumination Relates To Your Inner Identity
You, like myself, will have been shocked at how you could not “think” your way out of your painful obsessive thoughts. It usually doesn’t matter how much logical research, talking, therapy or suggestions or even answers you receive, none of it seems to stick, you keep returning to the same unresolved painful thoughts.
The reason for this is because what is generating the ongoing rumination is not happening at the level of the mind. It has do with the trauma wedged inside your Inner Being that is literally going on at a cellular level within your body.
The emotional somatic network has its own consciousness, it is what you “feel”. Another name for this internal force is your “subconscious”. This level of experience is so much more powerful than mere “thoughts” as it relates to your literal identity. It is who you are “being” rather than just what you are attempting to “think”. Neuroscientists know that whatever you have embodied as your emotional belief systems (feelings on any particular topic) is what is responsible for 90% or more of your life by the time you are 30 years of age.
These are powerful forces. If you have had devastating interpersonal relationships that equate to experiences such as “love equals abuse, invalidation, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, being replaced or annihilated (or whatever it is that has been painful)” this is felt as a literal Soul rape.
These feelings of pain and fear threaten the very fabric of your human requirements for love, approval, security and survival. This causes you to deeply feel that you are a victim, that you are unsafe, unlovable and all alone.
When you feel “separated from yourself” it includes feeling separated from your Higher Self. When traumatised you do not have feelings of solidness, calm and peace. You don’t have the inner knowing that you are divinely loved, approved of and taken care of by God / Source / Life. It is from this state of emotional separation that you feel broken, alone and unsupported, and try to find the solution to the pain from outside of yourself.
This is done by “thinking” activities – trying to re-think the painful event to get to a different conclusion, or seeking outside counsel to try to gain a different perspective that will give you peace. Or by researching narcissists, or investigating matters, such as looking up the narcissist on social media accounts to try to fact-find some information hoping that it will bring you something, anything to get some answers that will lead to closure and relief.
Yet, it doesn’t work.
Then you feel like you are failing in your recovery.
The problem is that your Inner Identity is not changed by “thinking”. Your Inner Identity is your feelings – it is your beingness. The only way to change your beingness is by creating a shift on the inside.
I really want you to understand that your thinking follows your feelings.
What does this mean?
It means that you can only “think” within the range of what you are “feeling”.
Let me give you a really simple example. Let’s say something in your house needs fixing and you are angry and agitated. You can’t think of a positive solution to the issue. No matter what you try to “do” to get resolution to the issue, it doesn’t work. Yet, when you settle down and come back to peace within yourself, then the solution “appears”.
That is because your beingness shifted and then “the answer” and the solution came.
Here is the deal with internal unhealed trauma, everything that you seek outside of you is going to match the pain of the inner trauma.
Here are clear examples – usually the people you talk to don’t help, or may even seem cruel and dismissive, the research you do doesn’t bring relief, and the investigation you do only brings you more painful news.
If you do access something that could help you, you will miss it. You won’t “hear” it or “see” it, or you will not be able to apply it, or even if you do experience some temporary answers or relief, you will once again default back to thinking thoughts that match the unhealed internal trauma.
Please know that your brain is working ONLY within the bandwidth of your internal beingness.
In order for you to get out of your pain, your consciousness (internal beingness) needs to shift to a healthier level FIRST.
You may be able to identify this in your previous life … you know, within your own personal journey, when certain things didn’t resonate until you reached a certain level of growth. The truth is this – you were chopped off from information that matched that level, until you reached that level of consciousness.
The great news is you don’t have to learn higher consciousness. You already ARE higher consciousness, you can learn how to connect to it, not only to get out of the rumination, but to release yourself from the internal trauma that was generating it.
Resetting Your Consciousness To Heal Your Rumination
The very first thing to understand about “coming home to yourself” is that the answers, peace and closure are never going to come from outside of yourself.
This is completely counter-intuitive to what you have previously believed, and it isn’t until you start living life “from the inside out” as your newfound lifestyle that you know that you have been completely mislead by being taught, “life is from the outside in”.
This has cut you off from your own infinite power – the power to be the higher consciousness that you already are, unless you are disconnected from yourself.
What is the state of your higher consciousness?
It is feelings of peace, calm, inner solidness – the not knowing the answers to bring relief but just being relief. It’s a feeling of knowing that everything is in perfect order regardless of what the outside situations seem like. It is a knowing that you are loved, approved of and that your security and survival is ensured even if outer circumstances appear to be the exact opposite.
This is the shift from victimised powerlessness (I need something outside of me to grant me myself) to becoming empowered powerfulness (I am being me and then the outside will shift to reflect more of me).
This is the returning to your True Essence, known as your True Self.
This is the knowing that you are a child of God / Source / Higher Consciousness; that you are literally a piece of this force and that there is no separation.
This may seem really “lofty”, but I promise you this is your natural state when not living with the effects of your internal trauma.
Turning Toward Instead Of Pulling Away
Before understanding this on a deeper level, you may believe that the solution is to disconnect from your trauma, try to escape it and limit it by distracting yourself from it, so that your brain is not going to jump in with “stinking thinking” trying to manage it.
Yes, that is what you have been trained to do, but it’s actually the exact opposite of what works. If you ignore your trauma and try to self-medicate it away by turning away from it, the chances are you will pick up methods of SELF-avoidance (whatever is going on in your inner being is YOU) that will match the real state of your present self. Meaning painful.
Common ways of trying to numb out internal trauma are things like eating junk food, drinking, smoking, taking drugs, having sex with unhealthy people, gambling, shopping, excessive TV or social media, oversleeping, overworking … and the list goes on and on.
These self-avoidance tactics generally create further destruction and trauma to your Inner Being. But be very clear, even less benign ways of self-abandonment are also deeply damaging. One of the most common tactics is continually researching narcissists.
To help you understand why this isn’t helping you I want you to imagine yourself crossing the road with someone you loved and they got hit by a car. If you ran after the car and ignored them lying there bleeding on the road, and didn’t go their aid they could die. Likewise, if you are looking outside and not attending to “in there” you are never healing where the real issue is. The longer you “go missing” the sicker you will get.
There is only one sane and true solution to heal, which is to turn inwards with love, compassion and dedication to heal yourself back to wholeness.
There are many differing theories about what that means! I was told by the medical community that my nervous system and brain disorders were unhealable. It was NOT true! I know true healing came from resetting myself back to my True Essence – reconnecting back to Source and letting Source flow through me as me.
Initially this was impossible when I was filled with the traumas that had been my human experience to the point of my narcissistic abuse breakdown – the false beliefs, fractures and the wounds that had caused me to be traumatised and separated from the peace and solidness of who I was really born to be.
I was so fortunate to “crack” the way to do this – to turn inwards with love and devotion and the absolute determination of a mother bear turning towards her cubs with fierce protectiveness. I did the inner work to face and hold my internal trauma and let it go, that’s what created the space for Source to enter.
Then I discovered that my feelings shifted – away from depression, anxiety, panic, helplessness and hopelessness – like my Life Force had been hijacked by some dark force. As space opened up inside me, the pain melted away and hope, positivity, and healing started to enter. The bad thoughts melted away – they faded into the background, because my beingness had elevated beyond that lower victimised vibrational reality that I had been previously trapped in.
I really want you to know that this process is not difficult. It is not logically complex or anything that you need to “work out” rather, you need to “work out” the internal trauma and “bring in” the Light that is the True Essence of you – to make room for Source to fill your Inner Being with that force.
None of this is “logical”, this is somatic, energetic, internal work.
In Conclusion
I hope that this article has helped explain what you are going through, why you are going through it and has granted you some hope that you can move beyond the painful rumination – the literal prison that you may feel trapped in.
I am passionate about showing individuals, just like you, who have been suffering for days, weeks, years or even decades of rumination to start getting fast relief – rather than fruitlessly and endlessly trying to think your way out of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment